So this weekend I hear a very disrespectful message on our answering machine from the pothead alcoholic SS21. It was aimed at me, of course. I immediately replayed the message for DH (who agreed that it was disrespectful) and said, "This is exactly that kind of crap I am sick of dealing with. So you deal with it."

Mind you, I haven't even spoken with SS21 or seen him since last August.

DH and I agreed that SS21 should apologize to me for his ill-chosen words. Later that evening, DH refused to carry on the usual phone conversation with SS21 about all SS21's troubles that are everybody else's fault until he apologized to me first. SS21 yelled "FU!" to his dad and hung up the phone (that DH pays for, BTW).

What a stand up kind of guy, huh? Now DH is being splattered with exactly the kind of crap that was hurled at me for years. It stinks.

DH has changed the rules with his adult kids, and they don't like the new rulebook at all. See, DH never set peraonal boundaries with his kids as they were growing up, so they could disrespect him with no consequences. They saw their BM do it all the time. DH just grew a thick skin and took their collective abuse. In the past, SS21 could have yelled FU! all day long, and DH would have carried on as usual, like nothing happened. All would have been forgiven.

Now--FINALLY!!!--after all these years DH seems irritated and embarrassed that his adult kids act like beasts. He is sick of them. Three out of the five of them owe us both some big apologies for their actions and blatant disrespect, and to DH's credit, he's suspended the relationships with these brats until they come through. No dinners. No visits. No money. No...Dad. Christmas should be a cinch this year .

They thought they could wait him out. Then they thought they could guilt him out of it. Then they tried to blame his "brainwashing" on me. Then they went behind his back to their grandfather. Who knows what foolishness is next? So far, DH has stayed the course.

It wasn't too long ago that DH was blaming me for his adult kids' actions and making all sorts of excuses for their inexcusable behavior. I told him flatly that unless he joins our marital team and starts facing up to reality, I'm done. Maybe something clicked?

Whatever has happened, it seems to be a new day. We'll see...