BM the saint, pt 2. (kinda long)
So just expanding from my last blog...
We kind of got into it again last night, this time without the involvement of alcohol heh. So I guess BM called BF yesterday to "update him" on what was happening with Children's Aid. (Because she felt the need to do it herself? Or maybe to stuff 'how well she's doing' in BF's head, you know, to wrap him around her finger as tight as possible) And then the caseworker called too, to give THE UPDATE. So now that BM is out of detox I guess she is being drug tested the day before her visitation with SS2 and it's only going to happen if she tests clean. This is how it will be for the next 6 weeks (Clean piss test = 2 hour unsupervised visitation at a park). We also have our home check with CAS tomorrow where I'm sure we'll find out more, but for now, this is what I know.
So anyway, apparently the caseworker said something to BF on the phone like "I really feel for Sammmx, I can only imagine what it's like for her being stuck in the middle like this." And honestly as soon as the words left his mouth I exploded, "FINALLY. Someone actually ACKNOWLEDGES that I am a PART of this situation! Praise the fucking LORD!" Because up until know BF has bascially been trying to deal with the whole thing is self, telling me little tidbits of this & that at the last second if it involved me taking SS2 somewhere. So then he gets all offended that I actually am upset about the situation (which I have told him before, how I don't feel she should be allowed to have him back so easily, how she makes me feel inadequate & like I'm nothing to her son, etc) and actually has the AUDACITY to say, "Well if you're upset, I'm sure you can imagine how upset BM must be." W. T. F. I don't give a rat's ass about how upset BM must be, it's HER fault. She brought this all upon herself. I didn't ask for it, but I graciously took it all in stride and have been doing the best I can in a shitty situation. I didn't really want to argue again, so I kind of just added sarcastically "Nothing drugs can't mask, I'm sure." He rolled his eyes, but we didn't press it.
So anyway, BF is working today and BM is coming to pick SS2 up which means I have the priveledge of dealing with her. The last time I saw her she was hugging me, crying and telling me how she knows how hard it must be for me with BF. (WTF?!) Anyway, I told him if she felt the need to hug me or touch me again I'd be telling her exactly where to go. His reponse was something like, "Always gotta hate on the ex, eh." And I said, "Well why wouldn't I? She's never done anything for me not to." So then of course all hell breaks loose. He gets all bitchy and mad and we basically have the same conversation we had last night. How I think she's a drug addict, how suddenly since she went to detox she's clean and this perfect little angel. Then suddenly he pulled THIS:
BF: You don't know what you're talking about. People make mistakes. You're 20 years old, you don't know anything about life or what it's like to be an adult. You have no right to judge until you've lived it. She's got 8 years on you, I think she knows what she's doing. You just sound like a dumbass when you try and pretend you're some big shot who knows how life works. You really just don't know when to stop on your own, so I'm tell you now. STOP.
I was so pissed. I went to the bathroom and cried for a good 10 minutes. I HATE when he pulls the stupid age card with me. If I'm so stupid, and I don't know anything WHY are we dating? If you suddenly are concerned about the fact that you're older than me then why did you let it get this far? I may only be 20 years old but I've seen ALOT in my life time, I DO know what I'm talking about. My father is a lawyer, I've talked to him about this, I get my information from trustworthy sources. I lived with a drug addict for 5 years (my ex) and I KNOW how hard it is once they're that far. I wouldn't say anything if I wasn't SURE of it. Ugh. So after I cried I just went in and went to bed. Said fuck it.
This morning of course we wake up and he likes to pretend that nothing has happened, suddenly everything is all hunky dory, no reason to be fighting because it was over. Like he always does. Nothing gets resolved, he just likes to go on with life like nothing negative ever happened. So whatever. And then today as he's leaving for work he feels the need to remind me, "Don't forget to get SS2 ready for BM when she gets here." ... FUCK. YOU.
UGH. I'm hoping that once the stupid CAS thing is over tomorrow things will go back to normal and it's just stupid stress causing all these issues because I'm really, really, REALLY getting sick of it. :/
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Comments
You are so young - why are
You are so young - why are you getting yourself in the middle of this mess? At 20 years old you could easily find a sweet guy with no kids who will honor and love you and give you a family of your own without all the drama.
I know what it is like to feel like you are in too deep to get out but I promise there are greener pastures out there.
I don't understand why BM is
I don't understand why BM is coming to pick up SS? Why are they not having supervised visits at CAS? I am sorry but this is concerning to me that she will not be supervised while having a 2 year old in her care, even if she did finish detox. I am wondering if DH continues to stand up for his ex because maybe he is hoping she will get full custody back of your SS so that he does not have to raise this child himself? Maybe he does not want the full-time responsibility?
My thoughts exactly. That's
My thoughts exactly. That's why I was so angry last night at BF and CAS. I care ALOT about this child, and even though sometimes he makes me want to strangle myself, I want nothing but the best for him & want nothing bad to happen to him. I don't understand why just because she finished one week of detox & tested clean 1 week later, it's like she's this perfect little angel in which we're all expected to kiss the ground she walks upon as if she cured cancer or something. That means NOTHING to me. One little step in the right direction is a far cry from doing the right thing consistently. But CAS authorized her 3 hours of unsupervised visitation with SS2 today so I guess that's what is happening... Why, is beyond me.
And I'm starting to wonder that too. I'm starting to think he doesn't WANT to be a full time Dad. He says he does, but he certainly doesn't seem to be making any efforts to make that happen. The one weekend I went away (for 3 days) and he had SS2 all to himself those full days, and when I came back I could tell he was on his last nerve with SS2 and he even said to me, "That kid is EXHAUSTING." And had plenty of stories about SS2's misbehaving to tell me about. One time when I was mad I said something like "I would love to sit back and watch you handle SS2 by yourself 24/7." And his response: "It would never be like that." I don't know. I've stopped pressing the custody thing because obviously he doesn't care enough about his son's well being to actually DO anything.. I even got him all the papers and everything, all he had to do was fill them out. But no, they're still in on the kitchen table as they have been for a month now...
I am glad to see that BM has
I am glad to see that BM has finished detox and 1 week clean, but in the big picture this is not much and I am still in shock CAS is letting her have unsupervised visits, especially with a 2 years old that if something did happen would not be able to articulate it very well. Just a very concerning situation. Maybe you should flat out ask DH if he wants this kid full-time or if he is hoping BM will get better and you 2 will return to whatever the custody arrangement was before.
UGH…I am going to be as
UGH…I am going to be as gentle as I can when I tell you…You are being used for a piece of ass and built in babysitter.
The man has already told you that he still loves the BM. And you still stayed! Now he wants you to get HIS kid ready for the BM. Wake up a bit and get out before you get really hurt. You are too young to be in this mess.
^^^THIS. EVERY.WORD.OF.IT!
^^^THIS. EVERY.WORD.OF.IT! You are only 20 and can find someone that will love you and respect you much more than your BF. And you won't have to deal with a druggie BM!
I'm sure you love him, but you deserve better!
I don't know I know you have
I don't know I know you have time invested in this relationship, BUT the way he defends her makes me think he is still in love with her. You're young go be young, don't get caught up in HIS drama and bullshit. I am not one who says RUN RUN RUN, but in this case I see you setting yourself up for heartbreak, take it as a learning experiance and get out now. Please by means do I think your age has anything to do with you knowing what you're talking about, you seem to be a smart woman. When I say you're young go be young I mean go have fun, find a guy with no ties to anyone else and at age 20 the are a dime a dozen. Good Luck
BUT the way he defends her
BUT the way he defends her makes me think he is still in love with her.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I could be wrong, but I think this is the poster that her BF told her he would always love BM. GAG
It is, but there is a
It is, but there is a differance between loving and caring for someones well being and being in love with someone. It seems to be he is still in love with her, not just caring that she cleans up for the sake of her child
And to everyone, I do
And to everyone, I do appreciate the advice and the concern. Sometimes I do sit back and wonder what on earth I am doing. Sometimes I do feel like a glorified babysitter. And sometimes I do wish I could just go be with someone else and have my own family without BM or anything to do with her in it. But I do love my BF very much, he takes great care of me & while he has an unorthodox way of showing his love for me (he is NOT an affetionate/verbal kinda guy - he's more the "shower her in tokens" approach), I know he does care and appreciate me. I know I am young but I really don't feel like it. I feel like I am 30 on a good day, lol. I want this kind of life, I want to be settled down in a house, married, kids, the whole shebang. I've had my fun and I guess I'm just ready for this kind of security. Maybe one day I'll wake up and wonder what the hell I'm doing, but for now, as the saying goes... "Love is blind."
If he loved you, he would say
If he loved you, he would say he loves BM. He would not keep defending her.
It's possible he's keeping you around until BM gets her act together.
Those token gifts may just be his way of keeping you happy for now.
Isn't this guy much older than you?
Yep. I don't know, I mean
Yep. I don't know, I mean they haven't been together for 3 years because she's not interested in him (she has been dating/living with another guy for the past 3 years - although he's presently in jail) but I do often wonder if she were if they'd get back together. I mean, his mom died and he was depressed about it and drinking alot, so she took the kids and left, moved in with "her friend" who is now her boyfriend so... I'm sure he never got closure. He claims to hate her, but at the same time claims to love her. So I really have no idea. But the defending her and such I've heard lately really bothers me.
And yes, he's 15 years older than me. But honestly you really wouldn't notice because he's painfully immature and I've got a pretty good head on my shoulders.
"Sorry BF I am too young to
"Sorry BF I am too young to accept that kind of responsibility. You will need to deal with your child yourself since I know "nothing" about life until I live it: going out to live it now: without you.
Have fun with the drag addicted bm and your kid.
I am out.
That needs to be your reply.