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DH doesn't want to tell SD14 about SIL's death and BM said she wants to be there to comfort SD

sadlonelyone's picture

Submitted by sadlonelyone on Sat, 04/24/2021 - 3:20pm

DH isn't talking about it right now but BM knows and texted him "to let her know when he's calling so she can be with SD." Advice from my previous post says SD should hear it from DH but I offered to call. 

I hate BM but think one of us should tell SD. Would it be ok if I told her?

Comments

sadlonelyone's picture

Submitted by sadlonelyone on Sat, 04/24/2021 - 4:15pm

BM said she'd tell SD and I just told her to say that SIL was very sick but loved SD so much. 

Sandybeaches's picture

Submitted by Sandybeaches on Sat, 04/24/2021 - 7:16pm

What role he wants you to play in this and then stick with it.  As much as you want to help you need to do whatever helps him and makes it easier on him.  I completely understand how hard that can be when BM's are involved but it's the best way.  

Are you saying above in your post to say SIL is very sick not dead? or did you mean she died because she was very sick?

I'd let BM tell her and then have DH call her a few hours later.  

notarelative's picture

Submitted by notarelative on Sat, 04/24/2021 - 7:47pm

I understand that DH is upset about his sister's death, but he needs to pull it together and talk to his daughter. He can start off with the 'very sick', but if his daughter questions, he needs to be honest about what happened.  After the funeral DH should seek out some counseling to help him deal with the role of alcohol in the death. 

As much as you want to help, my advice would be to stay out of it. Do not enable DH by taking on his responsibility to his child. He needs to talk to her. If you give SD the 'very sick' story, it has great potential to backfire on you when SD finally learns the truth-- and she will. 
(I realize that SIL was very sick from alcoholism, but in this case 'very sick' would be used as an evasion. SD is old enough to have alcoholism explained to her)