Over the next few years, my SS finished university and moved into his BM and her SO's home. He was a freuent visitor at our home and we really began to feel like a family. SS was dating a girl we all really liked and she became part of our family as well. All 4 of our children seemed to click and get along well. My DD and SD created a particularly sweet bond, making eye contact and laughing together when DH said or did something they found ridiculous. I went out of my way to get to know DH's ex, in anticipation of weddings and grandchildren on the horizon and wanting everything to go smoothly. I wouldn't say that we became friends, but we did genuinely like eachother and we would text and communicate to coordinate christmas and birthday presents for the kids. Of course there's always going to be a difference between bio children and steps, but I truly felt like I has 4 children and I loved it. I always joked that I wanted a big family but didn't want to birth and raise more than 2. I had found the perfect loophole. 

Over time, it became clear that DH had more than a touch of Divorced Dad syndrome. The strict disciplinarian he had proclaimed himself was no where to be found. He held his kids accountable for absolutely nothing. It was sometimes frustrating to witness, but my opinion was that they weren't my kids, they were adults, and his approach to them didn't impact me. If anything, it sometimes provided valuable teaching moments for my own children, where the 3 of us would discuss a given situation (like one of the steps not following through on a commitment) and how my expectations for them differed from what DH expected from his own children. 

In 2017, SD met her future husband. they met through an online site but in a small world coincidence, the BF worked at the same company as DH and DH thought he was a great young man. SD had been somewhat unlucky in love and, being a bit of an introvert (and a bit high maintenance), she had been single for quite some time and was lonely. Her happiness, after she started dating BF, was palpable. He began to spend quite a bit of time at the house and eventually also felt like part of the family. He seemed to be a really good guy, almost too good to be true and, well, we all know how that saying ends. They began talking about buying a house about a year into the relationship. Again, in retrospect, it was soon. But at the time, we were just so happy that she'd found someone and that that someone seemed to be such a good person and BF. 

DH and I got married in 2018 with full support and encouragement from all 4 kids. All of the kids actively participated in the wedding and reception, including giving speeches (mostly about how annoyingly happy and in love DH and I were). We were on top of the world. 

A month after our wedding, SD and her BF moved into their own home. Around that time, I started to see some cracks in BF's veneer, and I mentioned them to my DH, DD, and DS. They all chastised me. I'm the family cynic. And as I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm a psychologist. I analyze everyone and everything. They told me I was trying to hard ti find fault in the BF and I thought they were probably right. They weren't.