SO has 50/50 with BM for his youngest 2, who are still minors. SS16 has only spent a few nights with BM in the 2.5 years i've been around. SO has been paying her child support $1k per month and has been trying to get it reduced, but BM keeps employing stall tactics.

SS 10 is with SO for SO's week, but on BMs week, he gets off the bus at SO's house and stays a few hours. BM would not stick to a schedule, showing up anywhere from 4:30 to 11, and sometimes not at all. Due to this, SO now has his brother pick up SS10 from SO's house around 5 and BM picks SS up at SO's brother's house. He thinks she is more likely to not take advantage of his brother by showing up very late. 

Due to this, SO has his brother's 8-year-old at his house on school breaks since this August. SO's brother is still married but his wife does very little child care, unsure why. She is friends with BM. So, next week, SO is working nights for 12 hours 7 days straight. BM told him yesterday that she can't watch SS10 even though it's her week. She wanted SS 16 to come to her house during the day to watch SS10. Only problem is, SO committed SS16 to watch his nephew (8) at his house. So, even though BM and nephew's mom are friends, and SS stays at SO's brother's house for several hours on each of BM's days, BM won't allow all the kids to be kept at her house, and the brother and his wife don't want them all there either. They will all be spending next week at SO's house while he sleeps during the day because he is working all night.

When i asked SO why he always seems to be responsible for BM's daycare, he admitted it is in the divorce agreement that he has 50/50, pays CS, and is responsible for all daycare, even on BM's time, until both kids are 18. They divorced when SS10 was a newborn. She only works part time but she says she has to be available every day until 6 pm in case she is called in, so she makes sure that he or someone in his family is responsible for her kids M-F until 6 pm. I think it's just to squeeze all she can out of SO and make his life difficult, while also having freedom. He does not want to send him to daycare, hence the elaborate juggling act.

My issues are 2: First, i don't understand why he doesn't just pay for daycare. He has plenty of money, he always taks about how much extra he has. It would make things so much easier, even if it was only on BM's time that it was used. Second, i have decided that if he asks me to babysit the kids at my house so he can sleep, i will say no. Next week is a long-planned week off to work on some things around the house. I'm not using it to be BM and his brother/SIL's babysitter.

Both BM and the SIL had kids that they show almost no interest in, and SO, his brother, or some of their other family are constantly watching their kids. SO and both of his brothers have 10 kids and 6 BMs between them and they are constantly stressed about who will take care of them. SO started asking me probing questions last night, like "So, you're off next week? What will you be doing?" I told him i actually have a lot of things planned to do. 

Anyway, if anyone made it this far, this blog is mostly just a vent and a way to put my thoughts and my decision down in writing, and hold myself accountable. I will not be BM's babysitter so SO can get out of paying for daycare and so BM and SIL can chill next week in their quiet houses. I will not move in with him until his childcare situation is less of a clusterfk. I did stay there last night to watch the kids and i got SS10 up and on the bus this morning, since it was SO's day and he had work. I often do child care on SO's custody  time but i will not be BM's on-demand sitter, and i sure as hell won't be his brother's wife's sitter.