One thing I've been wondering about lately in my life is why it seems like SD8's parents just do not want to take care of her. Not that they aren't loving or caring towards her, but why they don't do things that would obviously help SD.

For instance, doctor's appointments. SD8 had not been to the dentist since she was 6. We moved shortly thereafter to a new city and I made a dentist appointment for myself several times over the past couple of years, and took BS3 in as well (and will be next month too). SD8 - no appointment by either parent. In fact, BioDad's GF even made a comment about it (albeit rudely) to my DW (DW was not happy). But the GF had a point, who was doing this stuff for her? So of course, I step in and offer to make SD8 an appointment, take off work, and take her to the dentist. Done. SD8 turns out to have horrible gingivitis, some near cavities, and the dentist basically told me it looks like she's been barely brushing her teeth. So, I get the shit for her not being taken care of... guess it was my fault for volunteering. Now Dentist wants SD to have sealant put on teeth. Guess who gets to make that appointment - and probably take her? I've held off on doing it so far.

BioDad's GF also went on a rant about how SD8 is always complaining about her ear, her nose, her head, etc. I know that this is a way SD8 gets attention, but the GF made the point that nobody was taking her to the doctor's office. It was true at that time. Although they have taken her in the past, it usually needs to be serious. It's not like DW and I can't afford it - the kids are on my health insurance which is very good.

Now, for the past two months DW has been saying to me weekly "I really need to make SD8 her annual check-up appointment." I know that (maybe subconsciously) she is doing it because she wants ME to offer to make it and take her. But instead I just keep saying "Yes, you do." It still has not been made. It probably will not be.

This is particularly frustrating because finally, after two years and three teachers alluding to SD8 having ADHD, DW finally agreed earlier this year to have her tested for it. However, at that time it was "not during school, lets wait until the summer." And "Lets talk to the pediatrician first." Well, school starts in three weeks - still no appointment, no testing or diagnosis, nothing. This just leads me to believe it will be another bad year in school for SD. DW also has not yet discussed this with BioDad. Which leads me to believe that DW does not intend to have the testing done, and was probably just agreeing to it to shut me up. I've decided I'm done though. If they aren't going to address it, they can see the consequences.

I've also mentioned to DW that SD8 likely needs counseling because of her irrational and overblown fears of everything. SD is terrified of the dark, needs to sleep with the light on (or 6 different nightlights). The other night at 9:30 she comes running into our room shaking because she "heard people talking outside." This is the 5th time this has happened. We live in a neighborhood, with a sidewalk, where people walk. This is not uncommon. SD is also terrified of bugs to the point where she refuses to go outside and play because of the potentiality that a bug might be out there waiting for her. There are more: an extreme and irrational fear of Elmo (and all muppets), a sudden fear of being within 5 feet of our cat (who we've had since I met her and has never scratched her or her brother). The list goes on and on. Nothing has ever happened to SD to warrant any of these extreme fears.

What I don't get is it just that they cannot SEE these issues? Does it take a non-related observer? And why, when several people mention the issues, do they not get the hint?