Why do I become a completely different person at the hands of hormones? God, when I am PMSing it's like a black cloud descends over my life and sucks the joy out of everything. I become completely miserable and cannot see any good in anything.

Then magically I'm fine, and it feels so unbelievable to be back to my own easygoing self. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and I don't want to stab every person I see in the eye with a fork. WINNING! I really feel bad for FDH though - he definitely get the brunt of it, poor guy.

During my marriage to my exH I struggled through years of infertility treatments and had many miscarriages, likely due to his awful sperm. I am 35 now, and FDH has had a vasectomey for years. While I know it is not too late and reversal can happen, I'm just not sure I want to go down that road when skid1 is so very unstable and unpredictable. I have been mourning the loss of the family I will likely never have, and it's been rough, especially with PMS and mother's day (aka day of hell for the barren) on the horizon. Ugh. Needless to say, babies make me very emotional these days.

FDH is not the sappy sort, and in fact did not want kids at all when skid1 was oopsed into existence. What he did Friday night was pretty out of character for him: we were snuggled up watching some tv, and there was a commercial for some baby related something or other. He got quiet so I looked up at him and he had this weird misty sappy look on his face. Then he started in on how cute his kids were as babies (umm, they're cute now, but I've seen pictures and believe me they were awkward looking at best as infants, but whatever), and started sharing some cute little stories about how they did this or that adorable thing. Blech.

For some reason, this awakened the rage monster in me, which quickly gave way to the sad monster. I held my hand up to his face and told him to just stop, because I didn't want to hear it. He looked a little hurt, and then I said "I won't ever have cute little stories to tell about my babies, so I sure as hell don't want to sit here and listen to yours. If you want to walk down memory lane about your kids, call your mom or BM but don't expect me to be all ears."

He looked devastated - I'd like to think that it's because he *finally* realizes how painful the whole baby issue is for me, but really I think he just wanted to get all misty and dreamy about when his kids were perfect angels and I shut him down.

Oh well. Best he learns now. Poor guy.