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surly stepdaughter

PunkinandBoots's picture

Submitted by PunkinandBoots on Sun, 08/28/2011 - 11:01am

My stepdaughter is 24. My husband and I are remodeling the house she grew up in and when she comes over, she criticizes most everything. I find it hurtful that she does this, but even more so that her father, my husband, says nothing to her. He says that is "just her". Am I being too sensitive or is enough enough? We have been married less than a month and he has been divorced almost five years. I was not in the picture then. His other daughters make little remarks too, but not as often. When my children were less supportive of remodeling at their house, I told them to look at the positive changes and they stepped up. Should my husband do the same?

Comments

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Sun, 08/28/2011 - 11:17am

As long as her parents allow her to get away with comments she will. You are changing her childhood home. Some people are likely to feel uncomfortable with it but will stop at downright rudeness. Obviously her opinion counts for a lot and she gets away with it.

I would turn and say "You really think so? Sorry, this is a home and not a shrine to your childhood. I am sorry these changes make you feel uncomfortable but they are not a deliberate insult to you."

If she gets rude again say "Yes, I know. You have already told me. Take it up with your father then."

3rd time..."If you don't like it you don't have to come over. I have given you enough time to adjust, now you are just being rude. Adult to adult, cut it out!"

If her father says not to speak to ehr like that just tell him "Oh that's just how I am."

See, the problem is him not her. HE should not let anyone speak to his wife like that. The sad thing is, he does.

PunkinandBoots's picture

Submitted by PunkinandBoots on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 10:52am

Thank you all for your comments. It is nice to feel supported. My husband talked to her and pointed out what she had done. While she claimed innocence, I am hoping something sunk in. She is coming to dinner tonight. If nothing has changed I will ask her "that if she has nothing nice to say do not say anything at all." Invitations to the home will cease. We will have to limit dinners to restaurants.