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Disengaging from dh now...

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So I tried, yet again, in vain to talk to dh about some of the money issues I feel have become a large problem. And of course he went on the defensive which is in the "standard dh playbook". It went a little something like this, "Dh we need to find a solution to this money crisis. The lawyer said this IS going to get exspensive and I don't want to run thru the little money we have saved. I think it's time to rethink selling some of those exspensive toys (4wheelers) that you have to help pay for this." - Princess Mofo. Well the proverbial shit then proceeded to hit the fan.

Clearly, in my case, DH stands for d*ck head...

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I tried to be reasonable with dh last night after the kids had gone to bed and we had some time to decompress from the day. I have been working a lot lately. And by that I mean TWO jobs. I have my day job and then I have addtional work out of my home studio in the evenings and on my "days off" from my first job. I have been pulling the extra time in an effort to pay for dh's $200 an hour attorney so he can maintain somekind of custody of his son. Since horseface bitch devil cunt decided to just turn everyones lives upside down and throw a spoiled tantrum.

When I die they can put "I regret nothing" on my tombstone. . .

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You ever have those moments in your life when you know you just cannot handle something? You hear this little voice instead telling you, "Stop! You cannot do this." But you ignore it. You sweep it under the rug until it becomes such a large mess that you inevitably trip over the bump in the rug. Well, that is my life as a step-parent. I read someone's blog on here earlier in the week who had a one year plan to bail. And I thought it was brillant. Often times we talk about formulating an exit plan but not following thru. But occasionally all it takes is precious time.

If she's here, who's guarding Hell?

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Hello, all. I've been MIA lately. Mostly due to the fact that I was in hiding. I felt it was necessary to close up shop for a bit just in case the egg sucking harpie bm was reading my blogs. Of course, you would have to know how to read in order to do that and I'm not entirely sure she can. DH got hit with some custody/cs modification from Horsefaced bitch devil cunt. Anywho I am gearing up for a courtroom drama and it SUCKS. Really don't want to, but here we are. I cannot delve into the details here but she is trying to cut dh entirely out of ss's life.

Finished reading "Stepmonster" today. . .

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I finished reading "Stepmonster" today. The book validated much of what I have been feeling for quite sometime. It was nice to hear I wasn't a nasty, little piece of work for my feelings, but rather normal. But as valid as it may make me feel it really doesn't offer me any clear solutions. I know that dh and I must make our marriage a priority in order to succeed but I'm not sure I want to succeed anymore. It's an uphill battle everyday. I've sort of, for lack of a better way of saying it, lost my will to try. My POC SS has drained the life out of me. And I have tried with him.

The truth hurts. . .

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DH and I had a charged converstaion when he arrived home yesterday. As some of you may know from my previous posts DH has an "unusual" employment circumstance. Every day DH gets up and leaves me (wife #2) and skips off to work where (wife #1 BM) horsefaced bitch devil cunt works with him. As I have stated it's like living in a polygamist community. He may as well have two wives. I think it is virtually impossible to seperate your work life from your home life, thus.

To quote 90's music I'd "die without you" and by that I mean this site...

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Ladies I offer my eternal gratitude and loyalty because of the laughs you have given me. I do not feel alone. And finally understand why people tell me I'm strong. Mostly its due to you all and the fact that I get to blow off steam here. Thank you again. This is my retreat. My safehaven. My home. Smile

Why I hate Mondays and other StepMonster musings. . .

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I hate Mondays. I used to love them. Monday is my day off. The day when after my bios go off to school, I recharge my batteries. I shop in peace without the crowds, I blast my itunes as I clean and rejoice in the small frame of time that I have allotted for "me". Now, I hate Mondays. Suppertime Sundays I can feel the bile rising up in my throat. Knowing that in mere hours the chaos and alienation will begin to descend upon me. Why, do you ask, do I hate Mondays? Allow me to condense it into a list as to familiarize you with my disdain:

"And this above all things: To thine own self be true."

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So I had an ephiany last night laying in bed. I have been lying to myself, for quite awhile now. I cannot do this with dh. I'm not cut out for it. I knew my limitations but I ignored them. I ignored the voice screaming in my head, "NO! You are making a giant mistake with this man." I thought that if I loved him all the other "minor" things would eventually fall into place. They didn't and they won't. It seems it's all well and good for me and mine to make sacrifices at the altar of dh/ss/bm's ultimate happiness and contentment.

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