My daughter is starting to hate her dad

Because of his outbursts(only directed at me)and some of his passive aggressive behaviour towards me.

Someday it's going to come to a head. He will then be angry at her too.

He can't even stand it when the cat shows me affection.

But my daughter is a complete mommy's girl because I'm the emotionally stable one.

She avoids him every way she can and it's getting very obvious.

He used to get tog with sd and ice me out.

Now he's getting iced out but I'm not doing it on purpose or egging it on like he did

The way the famy feels is solely due to his actions

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Makes sense then. She's in prime identify with mom time. She wants stability, not crazy. And she doesn't want to be treated like he treats you, so avoiding is a lot easier.
I feel for your situation. When one parent acts like a crazy person, the kids are the ones who suffer. The best thing for them is stability, consistency and structure. Even if they rebel against it.
Congrats on being the stable one

That pretty much sums it up

That pretty much sums it up but he's starting to get all butt hurt about it.

She is at a very critical point in her life and needs mommy right now.

She's a little klingon sometimes but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Beats hanging out and getting in trouble.

I just keep reminding DH the way he reminded SD when she was at this age "She's a teenager. This is normal"

She does what she's told, she respects him(as much as it's possible to respect someone who explodes every week or two over nothing)and is not overtly rude or mean about it she just avoids him.

And he will continue to be

And he will continue to be butt hurt. They'll blow up at each other probably. He's not got control of the situation and it irks him. She IS a teenager and it IS normal. He just doesn't want to admit he's the cause. :/