Saturdays
This Saturday: A poker party at the ex's house. I get to spend the evening with all of - and only - the ex's family.
The kids want us there, not a good enough reason for me. It's not a stressful situation, the kids just want their dad & me there because it'll be fun to have us there. They need to realize that we can't be there whenever they want.
The reason we're going is a very valid reason that I support. My BF's nephew (that he helped to raise) is home from Iraq, safe and sound, and will only be around for a couple of weeks. I could let my honey go without me, but I'd rather put up with the internal discomfort of being there instead of staying home & imagining the good time being had by all. That'd be much worse for me.
The ex's family (I've met many & been to a handful of family functions)all treat me well. There aren't any sideways glances or snide remarks...to be quite honest, they're all pretty pissed at the ex for screwing up the marriage & a few of her relatives still are not speaking to her, but do call my BF to see how things are going with him.
I'm going because I want my BF to have time with his nephew with out a cloud of my disapproval over his head. I do not disapprove, although I would have preferred a different locale for the shindig. The guy has a 60% mortality expectation and it's just too big to have ANY problems about it.
Now a Saturday topic in which I am not so "go with the flow"...
Custody was arranged like so:
week 1: Dad both kids
week 2: Dad:daughter, Mom:son
week 3: Mom both
week 4: Dad:son, Mom: daughter
both kids get one-on-one time, both adult groups get a weekend off.
Seems great...EXCEPT the kids still don't want to be alone in the new house with Mom's boyfriend and she works every Saturday morning. So EVERY SATURDAY, EVERY WEEKEND, WE HAVE BOTH KIDS UNTIL 3:30PM. It's not the arrangement. It's not fair to the kid we want to take downtown for something special during their 1-on-1 weekend, and it's not fair to mom's new BF who they will NEVER want to stay with as long as they have the option of going with Dad. It's her custody time, I think she needs to arrange for someone to watch the kid/kids when she works.
If the kids have the choice between going to Grandma's (where it smells funny) or staying home with mom's BF, I think the discomfort would magically get better.
He "understands where I'm coming from" and I think he's still too scared of getting yelled at (by the ex, not me)and hasn't broached the subject. I know he misses his kids, but this was the agreement he signed, they both signed.
Tough shit. If we're going to "babysit" then I want to ex to pay us hourly. Yeah right...
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Comments
Try This...
Unless there's a valid reason why the skids can't be alone with the BF, then try this. Suggest that on those Saturday's you bring the skids to BM home earlier than 3:30. Start with one hour before BM gets home, then two hours, then three, etc. This will warm up the BF to the life he has chosen with a woman that has kids. As time goes by they will get used to each other.
Parties with the ex-family are weird, but sometimes a necessary activity. I would feel the same way as you do. Maybe you and hubby can drive separately, giving you the option to leave when you've done your social obligation. OR get the hubby to commit to a specific time that you two will stay and then leave...like two hours.
Also, maybe you and hubby can have nephew over to your house, giving hubby more time with his nephew.
Overall, I'd rather have an amiable ex-family than the other way. So in that way, you're fortunate. But yeah, I'd feel trepidation about it, too.
i believe your day off w/out
i believe your day off w/out the kids should be supported. ex needs to figure out a way for the bf to get along with the kids and vice versa. she can't expect to dump the kids on you guys when she feels comfortable. i would tell her straight out, that it is her weekend so deal with the kids. remember that kids don't make the decision here its the adults.
-happy mom
In case I forgot to mention...
The kids live with their BM & her BF that they "aren't comfortable with" and have for weeks. They've known him since last July. I think BM is the uncomfortable one & as usual...enables/invites drama/conflict.