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What can I do to get loser ss25 to GROW UP and GET OUT?

poisonapple's picture

Ok so I've blogged about this before. Several times, actually. It's my 25 year old stepson. The guy is lazy beyond belief. Works part time, maybe 10-15 hours a week at a pizza shop. Gets paid under the table, so he's not even contributing to unemployment, Social Security, etc. DH and I have told him time and time again to look for a full-time job, or another part time job. He says he tries, but I think he's full of shit. The only thing he tries to do is keep DH and I off his ass about it. He pays no rent, utilities, cable, groceries, etc. DH still pays his car insurance, and sometimes even helps him with his car payment when he spreads himself too thin. However, he seems to always have money to go out drinking every night. He does his laundry half way - he puts it in the washing machine, knowing that someone (me) will have to take it out and put it in the dryer before they can use the washing machine for anything else. Sunday, when I went to put his clean laundry in his room, I opened the door and almost threw up when the smell hit me. I'm pregnant with twins, and DH and I are planning on converting SS25's bedroom into the nursery and moving SS25 to the basement, which we just paid an arm and a leg to finish and re-decorate for him. This kid doesn't appreciate anything. Never says thank you. Never offers to help with anything. I don't know what to do. I don't want to kick him out, because he has no place else to go. But something has to be done. I am not going to let him set an example for my kids that teaches them that it's ok to be lazy and sponge off your parents for the rest of your life. Don't get me wrong - my parents have helped me PLENTY. But, I have always worked hard, and I have always THANKED them for helping me out. What to I do now?

Comments

buttercookie's picture

We are going through similar issues. Step son was given until June 1st to get out. I plan on following through. He only works part time (His choice) and thinks he's entitled to have his bills paid by whomever he's currently staying with. His mom kicked him out over a month ago and he landed here. I'm not putting up with it too much longer and at this point he's brought it all on himself by doing the vary min. I was buying into the feeling bad for him but I had to stop when he acts entitled. We tried to help him and it turned into enabling him and we are cutting the strings. Sounds like you need to come up with a realistic plan to get him out with a deadline or he'll be there forever. He has it too good.

stepmom008's picture

Are you the one who was putting together an easter basket with job applications? LOL

First off, DH needs to quit paying for his car and car insurance. Second, if he leaves his clothes in the washing machine, don't put them in the dryer. Take them out of the washer and put them on the floor in front of the washer, wet. That way it's his problem when they're all mildewy and stinky. You're going to have to set a time to kick him out if he's got no job by then and stick to it.

stormabruin's picture

"Are you the one who was putting together an easter basket with job applications?"
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That cracked me up, because DH drew his 22-year old nephews name for Christmas. The boy has never held a job or done anything for himself. He's been in jail twice now, & his mother has paid court fees, bail, restitution, lawyer fees, etc.

DH went around and collected a bunch of job applications & wrapped them in a box for him for Christmas. The gift limit was $25, & his nephew thought DH was joking. Nope! DH explained to his nephew that what he would gain from getting a job is worth FAR more than $25. LOL!

stepoff's picture

Two words: tough love. He has been enabled. He needs some boundaries set. Give him a date that he has to move out. Maybe 6 months or so would give him enough time to get a full time job and save his pennies. Then, on the date, he has to leave, no excuses. He isn't growing up because nobody is making him grow up. Funding his car, making him pay nothing for staying at home gives him no ambition to find a job. It's time to draw the line.

Shannon61's picture

I'm in the same boat . .from the other side of the spectrum. I too have a lazy SD(26) who lives at home. The plan was she'd live with us until she finished college, then she'd find a job and get her own place. It will be 2 years next month.

She recently graduated and has been slow to secure full time employment. She's living off her savings (worked while in college) so she's paying her own expenses and buying her own food. DH won't accept any rent from her . .since she's not working. When she was working she paid less than $100 per month. She doesn't give him any money on bills either.

She stays up all night on the computer . .claims she's looking for a job . . and sleeps all day (she's still asleep as I type this). We checked her computer log and found out most of her time is spent playing games.

She's one of the laziest creatures on the face of the earth and does nothing to help us around the house other than wash her own dishes and doesn't do that in a timely manner. She's caused conflict in our marriage, and I spoke to DH about giving her a deadline to move out. He feels it's not necessary because he knows "she's ready to go."

His relatives (including her BM) are now lining her up with job leads because they realize she's dragging her feet and is in no hurry to leave. Daddy has coddled her to the point of enabling her to depend on him. I've told DH that it's time for her to grow up and if she's still here in a year, I'm leaving. If he wants to take care of her for the rest of her life he can, but I don't have to be bothered.

buttercookie's picture

Our step son was not given a bedroom and that was at husband's insistance not mine, it makes for a difficult front room but it also adds to step sons lack of comfort and I can keep a better eye on my house not being trashed.

buttercookie's picture

Operation Uncomfortable is working at our house LOL. Give him a deadline and stick by it.

TheWife's picture

How to get him out of the house?

Give him the boot. No games, no hints, no deadline. Tell him to go.