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I hate to do this, but it's time for the BITCH in me to rear her ugly head on SS25. GET READY FOR THE THUNDER!!!

poisonapple's picture

Submitted by poisonapple on Fri, 02/19/2010 - 9:54am

As many of you know, DH and I had a little heart to heart conversation with SS25 a week ago today. I took from our conversation that he was going to get off his ass and look for a job. And he did that. For one whole day. Now it's back to laying around on his ass again while DH and I both work two jobs and pay all of the household expenses. So obviously, the heart to heart didn't work. Kicking him out is not an option, as he has no place to go. Giving him lists of chores as if he were 12 years old didn't work, because he doesn't do them, or he does them half way. Example - yesterday I told him to clean the bathroom. He wiped the mirror down and organized the shelf, that's it. Like I said, half way. So now I believe I have run out of options and there is only one thing left to do. Make his life as miserable as he is making mine. The weekend is here. DH and I are both working until eight oclock tonight. When I get home, I am going to throw an effing FIT on SS25. He will get up off his ass and clean our house. And if he doesn't do it, I will follow him around the house nagging at him until he does what he's told. If he wants to act like a child, I will treat him like one. If he chooses to leave rather than listen to me nag at him, great. But the door will be locked when he tries to come home. And when he knocks, I will open it. And I will continue to follow him around, no matter what time it is, until he gets the chores done that he is responsible for. And he will not sleep until noon or later tomorrow. He will get up when DH and I get up, and he will complete the list of chores I will have prepared for him. As you can see, I am SICK and TIRED of him living in our house on our dime and contributing absolutely nothing. Any thoughts from anyone? Does anyone think I should handle this situation differently?

Comments

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Fri, 02/19/2010 - 9:57am

Yep, I think you should kick him out. Stop worrying about whether a grown person has "no place to go." That's SS's fault/problem, not yours. Either you get a reasonable amount of rent every month (enough to cover hiring someone to clean), or else he goes out. Just my opinion.

JustAnotherSM's picture

Submitted by JustAnotherSM on Fri, 02/19/2010 - 10:00am

You're doing the right thing. He's an adult and life is hard. The sooner he learns that lesson the better. I hope you have great weekend! }:)

Constantly_guilty's picture

Submitted by Constantly_guilty on Fri, 02/19/2010 - 10:10am

Kick him out. He will find a place to go. I'm sure he has a friend's house or something that he can go to for a couple of days. And when he realizes that NO ONE else wants him laying about sucking THEM dry maybe he'll be ready to find a job, come home and participate in the household chores like he should until he's saved enough money to move his ass out. I wouldn't care if he had to live in his car for a couple of days. He's 25 it's tough love time.

poisonapple's picture

Submitted by poisonapple on Fri, 02/19/2010 - 10:13am

I would LOOOOOVVVVVEEEEE to kick him out. But, he's not my kid. He's DH's kid, and until DH feels he needs to go, he can stay. I don't have kids of my own yet, so I don't really know how hard it is to kick out your own kid. I imagine it can't be easy though. It's getting to the point where if something doesn't change VERY soon, they'll both be looking for a place to live. I love DH a ton, and I do emphasize the "what's mine is ours" philosophy with him whole-heartedly, however; the FACT of the matter is, the house is MINE. and mine alone. He needs to put his foot down here, but I just can seem to get him to do that. It's sooooo frustrating. I feel bad for stepmom's who have to deal with this with younger kids, because they have so many years ahead of them.

reeny511's picture

Submitted by reeny511 on Fri, 02/19/2010 - 10:44am

oooh I would so make his life so miserable! I'm great at opening and slamming doors and playing loud music in the a.m. to wake everyone up. I even had the door removed to SD's room once when she slammed it once too often. She couldnt sleep in anymore after that because I was sure to make as much noise as possible! No cooking or buying food for him. This is the time to go out to dinner with DH!!! ha ha

Sarah101's picture

Submitted by Sarah101 on Fri, 02/19/2010 - 11:22am

Wow. You are tolerant. But I think SS25 knows that his father won't kick him out, so expect pushback from him. SS25 is being enabled and he is taking full advantage of the situation.

You shouldn't have to live with this ape inhabiting your home and making you twist yourself into a pretzel trying to deal with his lazy ass. This is really an issue between you and DH--your SS25 is just a symptom of a larger power struggle. You just might have to call your DH's bluff and let him know that either his kid leaves, or they both leave, but SOMEONE will be leaving, and it won't be you.

Here's what I would do--calmly. YOU: "SS25, to live in this home you have to contribute by doing chores. I will make a list for you each day. If the items on the list are not completed, or completed only partially, the clock will start ticking and you will have one week to find another place to live. If you are still here in one week, your belongings will be placed on the curb and the locks will be changed. If you still refuse to leave, the police will be called to escort you out."

Throw the decision to stay or leave right back into SS25's lap. Make it HIS DECISION. Then get ready to make good on your promises.

I know this is hard--I've been where you are three times with three different skids. Now they tell DH that kicking them out was the best thing that happened to them.

frustratedinMA's picture

Submitted by frustratedinMA on Fri, 02/19/2010 - 12:07pm

Ask DH WHEN he would be comfortable kicking ss out. Ask him.. what about when he is 30? 35? keep going til you get to Dh's age, and say, at WHAT POINT do you want to make this ADULT responsible?

I would pack his shit up and put it on the porch tonight. He has friends, I am sure a 25 yr old can find a place to crash til he can get his shit together.

TOUGH LOVE!

PS, the military is ALWAYS looking for new recruits!

Crizzle's picture

Submitted by Crizzle on Fri, 02/19/2010 - 12:37pm

I still say lock him out while you are at work and only let him in when you and/or DH are home. Then he is kind of kicked out, but still has a bed to sleep in AT NIGHT. He will eventually get tired of meandering about or people will get tired of him "hanging" at their places and he will HAVE to find something better to do with his day. If he refuses to leave while you and DH work, then his option is to move out. Make it his choice. Get out during the day or get out all together?

"One should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others." ~Moliere