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not about BM... about SD (sperm donor)

PixieLove's picture

I apologize but I believe this site is to vent, mostly about being a step parent, which I will be but I question it because I know this bitch is out for blood and I am not going to bust my ass in school for her to take it.... anyhow... my BD's dad has me HEATED! It's 4:15am and I cannot sleep because I keep trying to do the "right thing" between everyone. My FDH knows I am at my breakeing point but im to the point where im going to say some much needed shit. My daughters SD(sperm donor) has done NOTHING for her and she has come to a point in her life where she tells people "I dont have a daddy" ... I have NEVER told my daughter she doesnt have one! I asked her who said it and she said she knows she doesnt, ready for the convo? Here we go...
her: I dont have a dady
me: Who said that?!?! yes you do!!
her: well I dont know him, I dont know where he is
me: no mama hes in tampa, hes working, he loves you very much hes just really busy right now, but he just cant make it here right now baby girl
her: oh... ok .as she rolls her eyes and plays

I am (idk if I can cuss on here and im sorry if I offend anyone) FUC**ng sorry but if my freaking FOUR year old know what is going on and I have never bad mouthed him in front of her except the first few months that she was born. Keep in mind he kicked me out when I was 7 months preggo on thanksgiving morning, I really am over him but I am pissed becaushe the chick he was cheating and left me for had the BALLS to say some slick stuff to me tuesday night..talking about "this is my new number, you know you need it" F YOU!!! According to the court paters her FATHER needs to keep in touch not that SKANK!
Please keep in mind I was one of those "good stepmoms" and understood aslong as he was a part of my daughters lif... LMFAO!!!!!!! The last time he saw my kid was when she was still sucking on a che che (binki) AKA about 2 years old if that. He made plans to see her right before xmas and changed it real quick and said he would see her the beginning of the week... if I am drunk, stoned, or on drugs ( which I know I am none ove the above) correct me of I am wrong, it is december 31st at almost 5am, you neverming... UGH!!! I am sick of it!!! WTF my DFH wants to let her call him daddy but we wont let her because we wont disrespect a "man" thats not even there??

What do you think we shoud do?? Him and I will get married one day but that is a whole different story... someone PLEASE HELP wtf

Comments

ddakan's picture

Ok, if she wants to call your FDH daddy, then let her call him daddy!!! I NEVER got to call anyone daddy and I wanted to sooo much! My mom basically dropped me off with grandma and divorced my dad as a baby and kept me away from him. I've known my real dad now for about 19 years and we have a great relationship and I get to call him Dad, so don't worry it all turned out peachy.

BUT HEY...It's not her fault she doesn't FUCKING know her BD, IT'S HIS FAULT and if he has an issue with it then SO FUCKING WHAT? He ain't there and he kicked you out! No loyalty for a "man" who aint there! Give loyalty to the MAN that IS there!!

I'm not drunk or high either. I'm waiting on DH to come in from a trip and Im excited to see him so I'm just awake!

There is no reason to you to EVER talk to the SKANK unless she somehow has pick up and drop off priveleges. Tell BD to tell her to BACK THE FUCK OFF! You stop that bullshit NOW so it won't get worse....you know you need too, LMAO! She's just trying to intimidate you by calling you.

Yes, you can cuss on this site, but some people don't and so unless I'm feeling really super passionate about something I try to be nice....LOL but Im not feeling like being nice....I'm feeling like being supportive!

thenewwife's picture

my son calls my fh daddy he did it on his own and his dad is the same way, won't let go but doesnt do shit for his , let her pick what she wants to do, she has every right to fill that void and he can't say much because he doesn't do anything for her. I have told my son's father that.

MamaBecky's picture

I would let your DD call your fiance daddy is she wants to. Not in replace of her BF but in addition. Tell her she is lucky enough to have two daddies. BF doesn't get to see her but he loves her...and shes also lucky to have your FDH in a daddy role. Some people call it a bonus daddy. Continue not to show negativity towards her BF. Kudos to you for that it will benefit you and your child in the end. My SD5 calls me mommy. She calls her StepD Daddy too. Its ok that she has two sets of parents. She loves telling people she has two moms and two dads. It makes her feel special. You also never know when your ex will come around and get his act in gear. My DH didnt have a relationship with my oldest SD until she was 5. It happens. You dont want that bridge burned for her before it is built. Good luck!

Totalybogus's picture

He is definitely a piece of work, leaving you when you were pregnant for another woman. However, I am of the mind that a relationship with one's child is not synonomous with whatever relationship, or lack thereof, with the romantic relationship that produced said child. My husband is a wonderful father, but he was a terrible husband to his x. It took both of them to break up their relationship. That being said, it would be a travesty to the child to use that parental relationship as ranson for the shitty romantic relationship and would just be plain vengeful.

I don't see that here in your case. It seems you truly want her to have a relationship with her father. He is just a shitty parent too. I would suggest that while you don't bad mouth her dad, you just let her guide whatever relationship she wants to have with her STBSF and eventually when she grows old enough to truly understand, whatever relationship she wants to have wither her sperm donor.

I am totally with you on not dealing with his girlfriend. She is insignificant in the entire situation. If he isn't man enough to make contact with his daughter on his own, its his loss. If she calls you again, simply hang up. Don't engage her. Treat her like the non-entity she is. It will piss her off way more if you ignore her. I can tell you that from experience. It totally drove my Ex's wife insane. LOL

PixieLove's picture

I must say I LOVE you guys!!! I def needed to hear all of this. I just hate that they have managed to get me so worked up again, I have been able to srug the situaion off for so long but now I am just out right pissed. My daughter is such a good kid and deserves alot more than I can offer her right now and it is true every girl needs a daddy, my daddy was my metor and bestfriend and I was laying in the bed in hospice for a long time after he passed away they had to remove me from the room for them to take him and I so want that for my daughter (minus the passing away part). Don't get me wrong, I KNOW I am strong enough and love her enough for 10 parents but still want her to know it. I was 23 years old 7 months pregnant sitting on my daddys lap crying when I got dumped. Her and I both are lucky to have found such an amazing man that WANTS to be her dad and treats her like she is his and I am soo grateful for it. Such a great guy that he is worried about how he is going to split his time evenly between my daughter and his. IDK I have calmed down alot since the post and I can honestly say had I not found this site to vent on I would have texted some stuff that I couldn't take back and still feel like it but with the help from you and my family I am finding the strength to bite my tongue. Although I REALLY want to start the new year off with a clean slate and say what I have to say and leave the negativity behind. I love being optimistic but reality is reality, can't live in a fantasy world.
Life is life, people are who they are can't change people but sure can change your own path and future so heres to the new year and hopefully drama free (yea right, lol)

Just to let you know I will probably be back on because I know me and we will be having some cocktails tonight sooo... we know what that means lmao (maybe I really do have alot of growing up to do, lmao)