Greetings fellow STalkers!

I actually had a free moment and wanted to blog about my Step-son the Slob. This is something that still irritates me, even though it doesn't affect my daily life. A little bit of background:

When DW and I got married, I "inherited" her SS (then eight) and SD (then 3). They had different bio-dads, neither of whom did much to raise their kids. However, both Bio-Dads were still around a little bit, just enough to cause trouble. Both SS and SD idolized their largely-absentee fathers, go figure.

At the time DW and I got together, SS was already significantly overweight for his age. This was largely due to guilty "friend" parenting by my DW (who was terrified that her kids wouldn't like her, so she spoiled them and did not enforce much discipline). Also, SS was struggling in school, and only progressed to the next grade because his teachers just "pushed him through." He actually would have failed 3 separate classes, but his teachers rounded his failing grades up to 60%, the minimum passing grade. In addition to these issues, SS was extremely lazy, lacked in personal hygiene, and was pretty anti-social. However, as long as he was living with us, a certain minimum level of decorum was observed, and there was at least some focus on academic progress.

When SS was 13, I got a job in another city, and we had to move. DW and Bio-Dad #1 agreed that SS would stay behind, and move in with Bio-Dad, who at the time was still living at home. Although DW was not crazy about leaving SS behind, she didn't want to fight with Bio-Dad's family, because Bio-Dad's mother (SS's grandmother) was an attorney, and she could have bankrupted us with legal proceedings. So we left SS with his perfect Bio-Dad and his Bio-Grandma.

While we were gone, SS's aforementioned problems actually took a turn for the worse. It was like you someone ran all of his existing problems through a giant Xerox machine, magnifying them 200%. It turned out that Bio-Grandma was an even bigger enabler than DW had been. SS's grades continued to suffer, and he actually flunked a few classes. His eating went out of control, and he balooned to nearly 300 lbs. His hygeine got even worse, and coupled with the increasing oil production of puberty, he ended up with a face full of whiteheads and blackheads (because no one made him wash his face). He also had really bad BO (because no one made him bathe). Lastly, he even further withdrew from people, and focused all of his energy on video games and his one actual friend.

The first time that I saw SS when we went home to visit, I was shocked at these changes. DW was a little bit disturbed by all of this, but she did not want to push Bio-Grandma to make changes, since we didn't want to risk some kind of lawsuit. Bio-Grandma (and Bio-Dad to a lesser extent) did not see anything wrong with SS, and actually thought that we was doing splendidly. It was a this point that I totally threw in the towell for SS. I didn't care much for him going into that visit, but after it was over, I officially disavowed him. He had become an embarrassment, and I did not want anything to do with him.

Fast-forward to the present. SS is 20 years old, and still lives with Bio-Grandma. For the moment, his perfect Bio-Dad is also living there (he comes and goes, but has never been able to live on his own for an extended period of time). SS barely graduated high school (largely because I helped to grease the wheels with his teachers to put him in enough easy classes so that he would have the necessary number of hours to graduate). He does not have a driver's license, and has no idea how to drive (even though Bio-Grandma has already given him a car). He has never worked a day in his life. His hygiene remains deplorable, as he is still covered with whiteheads and blackeads, and he still has terrible BO (this is because no one makes him shower or wash his face on a consistent basis). SS also wears a black trenchcoat all the time, ala the Trenchcoat Mafia from Columbine. I think this is mainly done as an expression of his "nihilistic" world view. He dresses like a hobo, as most of his clothes have holes in them, and they are seldom if ever washed. In short, he is a mess.

When I look at this kid, I see the poster child for guilty-parenting. He is not the brightest kid in the world, but he is plenty smart enough to have made a life for himself. However, as a result of guilty "friend-parenting" by DW and Bio-Grandma, he is a complete slob with no future. It is sad. Because no one ever taught him basic life lessons, and no one ever instilled discipline in him, this kid is a lost cause. What's worse, he is completely miserable with his life. This is just further proof that "friend parenting" is a joke. Kids need structure, discipline, and purpose, or else they will end up like my SS.
His story is a real-life cautionary tale.