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Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Fri, 07/30/2010 - 8:30am

I really do appreciate being able to vent on here. I thank everyone for the support because I really need it.

I texted DH yesterday telling him Saturday was the day. He called back immediately (which he never does) and asks what Saturday is. I told him to stop and that he knew what I meant and he asked again, and I said Im moving on Saturday. DH "what? thats fucking great. your leaving?" I asked if he was working this weekend and he asked why I want to know. I said because I really would rather move while you aren't here so it doesn't hurt as much for either of us. WHAT? Since July 10th I have told him that I would be gone by August 1st, SUNDAY IS AUGUST 1st. Did he think I was bluffing? So I go home after work yesterday and DH is wearing his wedding ring...the wedding ring that he HAS NOT worn in 2 months. I have just gotten to the point that I think he's so full of shit that I don't know what to believe. I again told him that I am separating to gain perspective and get myself back, that Im not leaving because of someone else, or to find someone else, or because I don't love him. I told him that HIS way wasn't working so I am going to try MY way and if it doesn't pan out in the end, it wasn't meant to be. He didn't say anything for a minute and then said he was angry and said that he didn't understand why I was upset because this was my decision and he never wanted any of this. I told him that I understood why he was angry but he should have thought about that when I told him I wanted to stay (on July 9th) and he told me he wouldnt change so I should go. So I pointed out that he did want this too. I think he thought I was bluffing. This all really sucks but I think I will feel much better once I move out. I am so exhausted and drained from all of SS's behavior and DH's games.

Comments

SteppedInIt's picture

Submitted by SteppedInIt on Fri, 07/30/2010 - 8:34am

I'm glad that you can see that he is playing a very manipulative game. He seems to be trying to make you feel badly, although he is the one acting like an ass. I'm also glad that you are not falling for it. It sucks, but stay strong - - and be proud of yourself - you're doing great!

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Fri, 07/30/2010 - 8:59am

I can promise you that I am going to re-energize. I will not have contact for a while, maybe forever. Something just struck me, I am just going to live day by day and not worry so much about the future, it is what it is.

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Fri, 07/30/2010 - 8:58am

I really don't think DH is going to try to work things out when I leave, so I need to get that out of my head that thats a possibility. That I think is whats holding me back from really moving on. I do agree with the no contact rule. I thought it would be hard, but Im not sure it will be. I know Im going to have my moments, but overall I know I need this. My weekends are already filled through September (mostly with concerts and cookouts). Monday I have an appointment with my doc to get a referral for therapy. Next week I am going to the beach with my Dad, stepmother, and sisters. I am doing the stuff I want to do. I think with keeping myself busy and therapy, I will be just fine.

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Fri, 07/30/2010 - 9:14am

If he does, he does. Pantera will be busy enjoying her own new not-so-stressed life too much, though, to take note of what he's doing, so it won't really matter. Smile

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Fri, 07/30/2010 - 9:38am

I'm not doubting that he will. If he's gonna keep his kid there with him, I guess he'd be a fool not to. After all, with Pantera gone, he'll need someone to be a parent to that child. I was just saying, from Pantera's POV, it wouldn't matter. She's moving on with her life...what he does is his.

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Fri, 07/30/2010 - 9:53am

I didn't want to hear that but in the back of my head I thought the same thing. UGGGHHH!!!

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Fri, 07/30/2010 - 10:01am

Just remember, Pantera, that you will have the opportunity to make a whole new happy life for yourself. It won't be so easy for DH, simply because he isn't willing to face the issues his son has. It'll be a serious challenge for him to find someone as willing as you have been to put up with all that crap. And honestly, IF he does, it won't last...just because your DH would rather throw blame at the woman who gives selflessly than address the real problems. His life won't get better until he works to make it better. Smile

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Fri, 07/30/2010 - 9:10am

I'm so sorry for the hurt & frustration you're feeling, but I'm so excited that your move-out date is so close. Always remember that every end is a new beginning. Take some time to relax & rest. Take some time just for you...to rediscover who you are. Your DH needs to experience his son without you to there to be a cushion & a caretaker. I know it's so much easier said than done, but you are on a really good path. Focus on taking care of you.

When I left my ex, I made my move on a weekend while he was at work. As difficult as I thought it'd be, I didn't shed a tear. As I pulled away from the home we had together, I felt instant relief. I was sad, but so incredibly relieved.

My prayers are with you. Be strong. You're almost there!

SteppedInIt's picture

Submitted by SteppedInIt on Fri, 07/30/2010 - 9:21am

Try not to beat yourself up, questioning if you're doing the right thing or not. You know you are right, you're just scared. That's perfectly normal. Stormabruin is right, you will quickly discover a huge weight lifted off your shoulders when you do finally escape the madness and mindgames. Someday maybe I will have to remind myself of exactly the same thing.....

Remember - you can't control how he feels, only how you feel. There's no point in letting DH project all of his insecurities and issues onto you and having you carry that burden - throw it back onto him. And if he does troll Match.com, pity the poor unsuspecting simp that goes out with him!

.....and my avatar is a photo of me after I was told that the skids were moving in full-time!

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Fri, 07/30/2010 - 10:14am

My damn job blocked you tube, lol!!! I will watch later. My favorite is Adam Sandler's "somebody kill me please" from the Wedding Singer, lol!!!