The last time I went to therapy was when I was married-about a year or so prior to my divorce. It helped me recognize the abuse and propelled me out of there. I'm thinking it might help me get through this difficult time and decide if this the life for me. Or at least to better cope w/my feelings.

Right now I'm finding that my feelings of disgust, angst and anger towards bf's kid are just consuming me. I'm trying to make the thoughts stop and live my life more - but every time I see something else that irritates me, even in small doses. ANd I just get into this zone, feel very angry, depressed. There's this realization that I just don't like the kid, in fact I can't stand her and I hate every second of being around her-and I can't control it. And I think I need some help coping with it because it could ruin the relationship w/the man I love.

I keep daydreaming about moving and only seeing her a couple times a year.

I know I will never feel happy to have her around and I probably won't like her -and I still refuse to put up w/her more then EOW. But-I can't cope w/these strong emotions. It causes insomnia, depression, angst, I feel trapped, I feel like I'm about to snap and say very horrible things any moment that I'll regret. I recognize I need help coping w/my feelings and channeling them differently.

I know I can't talk to bf about this-he'd probably be shocked about how strongly I feel. My gf's these days are busy w/their own lives, young babies, my cousin who is a trusted vent source is having some big mental issues right now....my mom, I can to a point but not sure she's the right person to unload how I really feel about SD. Nor that they would understand me.
I don't know many step-parents, and asides from this board, I feel like I need a live person that won't judge me that can help me (preferable a step-parent herself lol) cope, let me unload and give me some direction. I've develope situation depression-I'm sure of that. I dont' want meds. Has therapy helped anyone here? Did it live up to your expectations? Can you cope better?

I held firm to no visits from SD all last week-bf was distraught and upset and lost and felt completely neglected and sad and rejected that I didn't see him. I told him I needed me time. ANd I said, it wasn't you I needed time from as much as SD-I told you I can't cope w/all this unscheduled time.

Then he asked well is there a time we can see you? I said this wknd-I know it's a long wknd and it was scheduled to be your wknd so yes-I'm ok w/that-nothing more.

So Sat, I stretched the day and luckily didn't see her till later afternoon/evening. Of course there were some incidents.
Sunday we planned to go to his brothers pool all day. Well I went up w/my boys around 3pm-we did have a good time, other then breaking up a few fights, she of course pulled one of the floaties from the pool the ENTIRE time to put her 'toys' in it. Well until SHE was ready to play w/it that evenign. Just another "things have to go her way". Dinner back at the house was crazy-her stuffing her face to eat in 1 minute which is just disgusting-I don't get it. Chew your damn food fool! The 4th the boys and I chilled at home mostly, bf and I got steaks to grill, they came over around 5pm. But SD wanted to go to bf's brothers (her uncles) again because they were having a party. Bf said he wasn't going-NOW-his parents that didn't want to go either, decided to go anyway-because SHE wanted to go!!! So they picked her up from my house- drove 20min to "uncles" house just to make her happy. WTF!!!

We had about 8 phone calls when they got there. The last one is "can (me) record WWE for me to watch later?" First of all, MY shows are recording-second it's too late for her to come over. So I said I"ll record some of it but not for today. HIs parents take her back to their house. Good!

We coudln't do the fireworks "I" bought because it rained nonstop in our area. So I made an exception to allow SD to come over for firewords last night. Of course she hadn't eaten (at 9pm wtf?-was out w/his parents who took her to the park because God forbid we don't do what this little shit spawn wants to do and keep her happy and entertained at ALL times).

In those 2 hrs I thought I was going to strangle her. She insisted on "sorting fairly" all the fireworks between the three kids. Of course SHE has to be the one to count/organize/handle them-which she ends up doing unfairly of COURSE.

But then kept trying to keep big ones for herself. Her dad hid the last 3 big ones for US. Then she kept going to their boxes-emptying theirs first so she had more left after everyone elses. Then kept going to dad to hand her some more boxes. I heard her say "I can take this one home"-and I said NO these are to be used here.

I mean WTF-you get everybody bowing at your every damn demand, whim, you did fireworks at your uncles, you said you have some at your dads to do-AND you want to use all of OUR fireworks and take one home?

Then I go to get the big ones-dad had already handed HER a big one. So i get the other one, she tries to take it from me-I said NO, maybe since I bought them I get to light one-and maybe your DAD gets to light the other one. He took the other big one but then asked her to help him light it. WTF?! His behvior of coddlign and allowing her to handle all the fireworks as if it were her own...then we go inside for a bit and she's demanding the dog sit w/her (as she does EVERY time)- and SHE grabs the remote. Finally after seeing my face he demands she give up the remote (which she throws at my son). I told him I was done for the night. This was 2 hrs-2 hrs from 9-11pm-and it kept me up till 2am REELING w/anger. I just have so much to vent about-this blog helps me get it out.

I frigging can't STAND HER. I can't stand how everybody jumps to whatever she wants, whenever she wants. Especially his family, and he shows signs of doing it sometimes and otehrs not giving a rats ass to give into it.
She mentioned to th boys "See you tomorrow"...I said nothing-got to blame my bitch switch being turned on PMS the last couple of days (wonder if he'll catch on that I PMS everytime she's here).

BUT HELL no-here's the thing-I said EOW-it was a long wknd for the holiday, and we made an exception Tue night for fireworks. Im' done-I'm washing my hands till 2wknds from now. Not have to see her selfish, narcissisistic ass again. Not only does she have her moms tendencies of bullying, narcissism and selfish and bossy-but they are all FEEDING it even more by giving in to her demands and wants all the time. How do they not see it?