WOW. That is terrible. I wonder if this woman was a GF before the mom passed...?

I would have issues if I were CW also.

This often happens with widowed males. They feel that they can not show their grief (wouldn't be 'manly') so they cover it up. They do not object to the old pictures coming down because looking at the happy memories reminds them they lost their spouse. It is actually part and parcel of the grieving process, your CW need to look into grief therapy: it will explain a lot of her dads behaviors to her.

Every situation is different. And yes her father's decision had a profound impact on her an her feelings, but ultimately, her father has to live his life. Everyone grieves differently and his way of grieving included moving forward and not being lonely.

And now your friend is grieving twice. Once for her mother and once for the relationship she used to have with her father - the one that didn't include his gf and her kid and grandkid at every turn. I'm glad your friend is still being respectful.

And that is what it comes down to. Respect. She clearly loves her father and puts his happiness above her own grief.

Too many kids / adults in these situations seem to think they should dictate how their parent grieves, when he / she moves on, etc. It helps for people to put on each other's shoes. I am sure the gf feels insecure. She is not replacing a bitter ex-wife. She is moving into a life where the was happiness. Where the choice wasn't up to the guy. He was stuck with it. That puts the gf in an awkward spot. Throw in the anxiety she might feel about his adult kid not quite accepting it and she probably feels like she'll be odd man out if she isn't included and might want her kid along so she feels like she has support.

I can kind of relate to this CW person. My mother died when I was 19-yo, and I was still living at home with my parents & going to college. My mother was barely in the ground before all these women started circling my father like sharks...bringing him dinner, casseroles, etc. And he enjoyed the attention. It appeared to me, through my 19-yo lens, that he was not even grieving the loss of his wife of many years...the mother of his 3 daughters.

But these women were just sort of annoying and pitiful. THEN he took up with this woman around his age who was divorced several times over, with grown kids of her own. My sisters & I always looked at this woman as a gold-digger, but our dad seemed really happy with her in his life, and she seemed to make a difference...suddenly he actually took an interest in his appearance, things like that.

When they married & she moved in, she convinced him pretty quickly to sell his home and move to Florida where her family was, and so he did....selling so many things in yard sales, etc. that my sisters and I wondered how he could just sell family memories like that.

In the meantime, he & this woman were married for 4 years before they eventually divorced and he moved back to the town he'd left behind for her. During the years they were married, this woman made lots of attempts to connect with my sisters and me. I think both my sisters and I were as nice as we could be under the circumstances. I just always looked at it as hey...if he's happy then, who am I to raise a stink...?

And in the end, they divorced anyway and he just told me that it was a big mistake. We never spoke of it again. I didn't feel it was appropriate to be telling my father how he should live his life.

So, I get where CW is coming from, and how emotionally distressing it can be to lose a parent and then watch the other parent move on so quickly. But I admire her for not getting all pissy about something she has no control over in the first place.

Men replace their wives faster. For me it was three years before I could go on a date...The pictures bother me more than anything. She has a right to be upset that the whole house was changed so quickly.

I take it that CW's father is older.. and therefore from a different generation. Maybe she's right. Maybe he should continue to mourn his dead wife forever and set up a shrine.
Or maybe he's lonely and wants female companionship. For one, you are only getting CW's side of things. And she's hurt and misses her mom. So of course she's going to be upset about the situation.

My dad died in 1997. My mom remarried a short year later. At first, I was a bit confused but all in all, I accepted my mom's decision. I look at it that my mom has a big big big heart.
She raised 5 amazing kids :)She lived through the sudden and tragic loss of my father. And she was lucky enough to find someone else who wants to spend his life with her. I'm hoping that she didn't cause issues with his family. I never heard them say anything. I never once considered that he was keeping her from interacting with my kids or anything like that. She's a grown woman and she makes her own decisions. If she chooses not to come bc of her husband, then that is her choice. I do not blame him for her choices. Now if I was making things totally uncomfortable for my stepdad then yeh, that's on me.

I could really go on and on in this comment about the flip-flopping that is rampant in this post. But I'll just say that many of my fellow step talkers have ranted and complained about the exact things that you are now condoning in this post.

I don't think things are black and white. There is always a gray area.
he said, she said.. then there is the truth.

The over-the-top part is not specifically the (tacky) time frame of his moving in this woman, but that his family is being pushed out. All the pictures of his kids AND grandkids are gone, he won't even visit his own kids or even his grandkids without GF, who won't ever go "because GFs daughter don't wanna" - eh???

Dad is going to completely ostracize his kids and grandkids, then when that woman takes all his stuff and they end up divorced, who do you think he will be running to? Me personally, I would tell mine hey look, I am making a damn good effort here in the face of this situation, and if you choose to make it that obvious that you are choosing this GF over all your kids and grandkids even when we are polite and try to invite her along, then do not come crying to me looking for a relationship in the future when that pootytang dries up and you get blood flow back to your brain.

My father has always chosen his girlfriend of the month over me, always. So, I am the end-result resentment. I don't resent the stupid women (ugh they jump in his house so fast, and he has no money and he was married to some other stupid woman derp), I resent my stupid father.

Several years after my mom passed away, my dad starting seeing my mom's cousin (my second cousin). hanging out at family affairs and such, then he started going to Texas to visit her and she came to his house. He stated very clearly that he would never marry her. My mom's sisters were very suspicious of their cousin's motives, thought she was a gold digger. My dad let my sister and I know that he had no intention of marrying and that our cousin would not be able to touch anything of our mom's. My sister and I didn't particularly like this woman (even though we are related), but we figured, hey if dad is happy, that's all that counts. My dad was not naieve in any way. He took her on a few trips that I'm sure he paid for, but he was very cautious with his money and my mom's belongings. We were just glad that he had some companionship during his last years.