Another Post got me thinking.........
I am a BM to a almost 17BS And I am at my whits end with this kid. An alien has taken over my big hearted, athletic, sweet, loving son and turned him into a lazy, defiant, non caring about anyone slug. Last week I laid down the law and told him he had to go stay at his dads. I cant stand watching him throw his life away to become a loser. He refuses to get up and go to school, He comes and goes at any hour he chooses, sleeps all day, I have dragged him outa bed and dropped him off at school only for him to go in one door and out another.
This is the same kid that 11 months ago was a star player on the HS football team, was planning to join the marines and would talk to me about anything. I have had him in counseling, I truly dont know what else to do. His dad doesnt want him there because he cant get him to listen either. His dad and I have been divorced for 12 years and for 12 years on EOW my son (and his big sister) have had to listen to thier dad PAS me, and I am talking pretty bad stuff he has said to these kids about me. I always went with the "your dad loves you and our divorce has nothing to do with you kids, its grown up stuff and its between your dad and I" So I guess what I am saying here is , no I cant see a mom not wanting to be around her 3 yo child, but Dang! I love my son so much, but it literally physically hurts me to watch him behave this way. And I feel that his dad created this monster by saying what he has to the boy for 12 years, so he should get the joy of dealing with it.
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ya know, I thot that too, and
ya know, I thot that too, and I did have him tested in the begining. He was clean. Maybe I should again. I understand about the younger siblings. I have got to the point where I open his door in the morning and say "get up and come on I will take you" and I shut the door. Cuz I dont want his little sister 6 hearing the arguing and yelling about getting up goin to school. I dont want her to think its a choice.
Lets say it is drugs, Im thinkin marijuana, I dont think its pills or anything. Then what?
I know I sound stupid, but I really dont know what to do. I dont want him to think I am abandoning him. I dont want to mess him up by thinking he is not wanted. He is very bright. Has a high IQ. And truthfully I can pinpoint when this all started. It was last May and he got his girlfriend who is 2 years older than him and she didnt finish school and is a foster kid who has drama drama all the time. I try to have her in my home and talk to both of them, but they just nod and smile, and then do whatever.....
I know how hard it is when
I know how hard it is when they start being like this. My BS also changed alot around 16. Very similar situation, the girl he is dating (now living with) had run away from home at 15 and lived at whoever's house that would let her. She didn't like having any rules and refused to listen to anyone. BS started to act just like that. I also sent him to his dad's to live and things just got worse from there. His dad let him do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, no rules! Dad kicked him out when he turned 18. He came running back to me until I told him that even though he's 18, he's living under my roof and WILL follow my rules. He did that for about 9 months (breaking the rules when he felt like it) and I finally told him he had until the end of August (this year) to either get a full time job & straighten up his attitude or find a new place to live. He chose to find a new place - he got an apartment with his girlfriend. He also is working through a temp agency full time (for now). He has pretty much cut all communication with all family members now because she now has total control over him. It breaks my heart that he is acting like this but unfortunately she has a hold on him.
That is a great Idea! Wish
That is a great Idea! Wish they did that here.
I actually found out both my
I actually found out both my bio sons were smoking pot at their dad's house! I couldn't believe it.
This was the furthest thing from my mind. I was crushed but I acted quickly.
Take him to the doctor and have them test for a variety of drugs; don't forget over the counter and prescription medication. If it's drugs, you really need to know so that you can get help.
I went to my boys' high school and spoke to their counselor. She was amazing! She helped me get counseling for the boys, the administration got involved and laid down the law!
I frequently test them and they've clean!
HOWEVER, if it's not drugs, it sure does sound like your son may be depressed. IMO, you need professional help. Talk to a school counselor - maybe they can give ideas on how to reach your son. He's young and he'll be forever yours. Whatever he's going through, he needs you.
Ya know, I wondered that
Ya know, I wondered that myself, about the depression. He takes ADD meds already. I think I will do that, Talk to his HS counselor and see what we can do for him.
Thanks
I would say if it is drugs --
I would say if it is drugs -- i fully believe in showing kids what will happen if you continue .... take him to jail & show him what it's like, take him to an NA meeting to listen to others, seek out some homeless people, etc.
If you don't think it's drugs - i agree with he sounds depressed. Maybe he got picked on at school? If you feel ok with it - i would suggest him trying for his GED if HS isn't an option for him? My niece just went thru this and 2 years later she is a completely different person. She is headed to college now at 17. I am so proud she turned her life around. With her it was both - depression & a little bit of drugs (alcohol & weed)
Could be all 3 (depression,
Could be all 3 (depression, alcohol and weed) With the crowd he runs with now, I wouldnt doubt it. Definitely not bullying, He is a lineman, 6'2" 220lbs.
Something has just sucked the "care" out of him...
Everyday he gets all psyched for the next day and says hes gonna get up and get there and lays out his things, and then, in the morning, he just lays there. I have to work, so I cant spend hours trying to get him up and moving,,,,,
I already have a call into his hs counselor and think I will make him a dr appt too.
I am just sooooo tired.......exhausted..... am considering banning all males from my presence .... jk
Maybe he and his girlfriend
Maybe he and his girlfriend experienced something? Pregnancy? Abortion? And he didn't know what to do and is stressing him out now? Keep him in counseling and defintely talk to his counselor t school. Maybe it's just teenage stress/drama. Yuck. I don't look forward to teen years!
I dont think so, She is at my
I dont think so, She is at my home regularly and I watch the trash cans once a month
but I do think he is overly concerned with what she is doing while he is at school.. .
That would make sense why he
That would make sense why he wants to stay home. He may have some trust or insecurity issues with his GF. I am kind of a brat & i think that if my BD were to come to this i would: ask my boss for a few days off & tell him why - my bd is having some problems i need to deal with. I would then get her up in the morning for school & if she doesn't go - i would stay home. If asked why i would say - hey - if you are gonna throw your life away i will too! I would snuggle up to her and ask what we are going to do for the day ;-} If she asked - don't you have to work to pay bills? I'd say sure! But hey - we are in this together and well -- i guess pretty soon we wont have food, utilities and then we'll lose the house & have nothing - together!!! We can experience the fun of having nothing & throwing our lives away together.
LOVE this!!! This seriously
LOVE this!!! This seriously sounds like something my mom would have done!! This is genius!!!
I have actually done that! He
I have actually done that! He was too smart to fall for it. He just got up and walked over to dads house 4 blocks away.....He genuinely doesnt care about anyone or anything except GF. I know this sounds awful, but I am actually hoping its depression becuz then it is treatable and not just his way of choosing to be...... make sense?
Yes , that makes sense. My
Yes , that makes sense.
My niece was that way too! She was 15 and her 19 yr old BF was living with her - she was the same way. Yes - my brother was a great parent, Haha. Maybe i should ask my niece for advise?
How old is she now?
How old is she now?
Is she in college? I remember
Is she in college? I remember being 19 and thinking there was so much out there to do and wanted to experience so many different things. Maybe she's told him she wants to move away, date others or is contemplating a change in her life. As a 17 year old, your son can't exactly follow her. Maybe he is worried about what will happen between her & it's all making him depressed. What does your son want to do after graduation? Is he ambitious? Maybe he's worried about what to do with his life after graduation. I had a boyfriend who in college lost his focus and ambition. Didn't work as much, stopped studying...I broke up with him but I think he was depressed about his future.
No shes not in school at all.
No shes not in school at all. doesnt work. Which I think is what part of his problem is. He is too worried about what she is doing all day....... up until recently he wanted to join the marines. And was talking college too.....
Unfortunately I see this all
Unfortunately I see this all the time as a therapist. I find that it afflicts the boys worse than the girls. At some point they just stop giving a shit-I am frankly puzzled by it as well. They just stop going to school-refuse to get out of bed-refuse to do anything their parents tell them, and are unbelieveably rude and have a tremendous sense of entitlement. I don't think it was depression with most of the kids I saw-it was almost like a game. To see how much they could get away with and frankly they got away with alot. Their parents were bewildered, couldnt seem to put their foot down, unwilling to be tough on these kids. That was always my recommendation-unfortunately very few parents listened. Quite a large number of those kids are in juvenile detention as eventually things catch up with them or they just push somebody too far. I would truly strip him of all privileges-cell phone, car, etc-if he doesnt go to school call the truant officer, call the juvenile probation department and give him some consequences.
This is what I am seeing too.
This is what I am seeing too. I have already stripped him of the car. No need for it if you cant go to school. Someone told me they wont do anything about the school becuz of his age. They will just ask him to drop out.