OT: What to do about my crazy alcoholic mother
So recap. My mother is an animal hoarder and mentally ill and a severe alcoholic. I've been no contact since May. I had rehomed all 35 animals and had her in detox. She was there for three weeks and they did electro convulsive treatments on her. She said she wanted to sell her house and move into a little cottage that I was going to build for her on my land that I purchased. She told me the realtor she wanted. She told me what she wanted to keep out of the house. SHe asked to keep one dog and one bird and she agreed to a treatment plan. THis was after I had to clean up after 35 animals numerous times over the past year that she would leave with no food and water when she would become black out drunk and she would have them locked in cages filled with pee and poop. It would take me a week each time to clean the house of pee and poop and I"m not joking.
So she left detox for rehab and they gave her her phone back. She proceeded to go back on everything she agreed to and harrassed every single rescue group and person that got one of her animals. She posted their addresses and info online saying they had stolen her dogs. She posted horrible lies about me how I stole from her. She harrassed my brother and sisters. She threatened me.
She left rehab and got 7 dogs back and three birds. She's breeding again. She's drinking again. I'm stil on her bank account and I can see her numerous trips to ABC liquor.
I was contacted by a relative today and she said I had to go see my mother once last time and that I had to decide if I wanted my mother cremated or buried as she was black out drunk again and suicidal. and that I needed to intervene and that animals were in danger again.
I called detox and they said if she's black out drunk I have to take her to the ER and sit with her all night. I have to work in the morning. THey said I have to find out if she is wiling to go on her own.
I messaged her and she said, "WHo is this" and Why are you texting me after no contact for two months?
I don't know. I just don't know if I can do this tonight.
- NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I am so sorry you are going through this again.
I am so sorry you are going through this again. Is this relative local? Could they either go in your place or go with you? My inclination might be to call the police and ask them do a welfare check. Maybe they will take her to detox or put her on a 72 hour mental health hold. I'm not sure I understand why detox thinks you would have to stay with her all night at the ER.
In any case, you have done your best to help her. I don't think you are under any obligation to get involved again.
I agree with this. I would
I agree with this. I would ask for a wellness check AND report her to animal control. She should have been charged with a crime for animal neglect and abuse. I'm surprised no one is checking on her to see if she's hoarding animals again.
At this point.. I think this
At this point.. I think this is correct.. if there are concerns about the animals.. call animal control. If she is actually charged.. and the animals taken by official govt.. then that's how the chips fall isn't it? This will end up being a record that may help prevent her from having more in the future.
If there is a safety issue regarding her? I would suggest the welfare checks.. beyond that.. unfortunately, it's going to be tough to take over and make her do the right thing..
I am so sorry you are dealing
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I second/third the welfare check call. It's about all you can do now. (And next time the relative calls and says she is suicidal, tell the relative to call for the welfare check herself)
Have you considered attending AlAnon? It's really good for giving people clarity for what is possible to do and what you want, but is impossible.
I am so sorry.
However, no more rescue of either your mother of her pets. Call animal control and the police and let them deal with her, the animals, condemn her home, and get her institutionalized.
IMHO of course.
Unfortunately...
Getting someone instutionalised is something from the past, or perhaps the VERY wealthy. Or criminally insane. Places just do not exist anymore.
They can be made a ward of the State. Though not easily.
Though there are no longer State Mental Hospitals.
Unfortunately.
I'm Sorry
I agree with the other posters. Call the police for a welfare check. Give them the details. Then call animal welfare and give them details as well. She is an adult. She has chosen the alcohol over her family. You have done all you can. It is now affecting YOU. I know it's a hard thing to do but it's really your only option at this point. Hugs.
((((HUGS))))
((((HUGS))))
Oh my goodness, my heart goes out to you. I am sorry.
Edit to add, I also say, allow authorities to take over. It's is ok to let them. Some things are bigger than we are.
You poor girl
I feel bad for you. Hugs.
You can only do so much
I'm kind of dealing with this right now but on a smaller scale. They've given my mom ECT... she's been depressed her entire life (the cult shunning hasn't helped either) and she keeps refusing treatment, IVs, food and water.
My father is holding the line on shunning me since he's not contacted me since the initial desperation contact (with a 20 yr silence before that). I believe he gave me the hospital information so that I can contact my mother on my own and not have to talk to him. They must be racking up a hell of a bill (private hospital). If they think im going to chip in they're insane. My father used to sell health insurance policies to large corporations so I'm sure he's got some elaborate insurance to cover this.
The hospital staff can't grasp the concept of their shunning so more than once they've insisted I should drop everything and drive/fly over 500 miles to be there. Btw my mother accused me of being on drugs when I was a teenager (I wasn't but the golden child younger sister was). She also accused me of being a nympho because I married my 2nd husband.
Did I mention they are both almost 90 yrs old?
I think you are going to have to let the local agencies handle this from here on out.
Call animal welfare and
Call animal welfare and report animals being severely neglected. Let them take care of it. Call police and let them do welfare checks. I am sorry for what you are going through but you don't need to go there, you do need to get authorities to interfere in animals and hers welfare
Look up ex parte order for
Look up ex parte order for your state and get to the court house to start that process.
Contact the local animal control regarding the animals.
Update
So I went over there relunctantly and she was not black out drunk like in May or March. She was just regular drunk. The 7 dogs had food and water and were clean. Her house was clean. The birds cages were clean and they had food and water.
The first thing she said was that she was sucidal and had a shot gun and bought some shells.Well I debated with myself on the way over there if I was going to handle her with kid gloves or not. And the relative who called me yestreday had said that I didn't to go visit my mother one last time and say goodbye. So I took this opportunity to say everything and I mean everything that was on my mind and all the pain her actions had caused. I let her have it. and I told her that she had missed my sister's wedding cause she wasn't invited. She missed my daughter's graduation. I just listed all the things she had missed in all of our lives because of the estrangement she caused with her actions. I showed her a picture of all of her grandchildren from two weeks ago and asked if they worth it and if her kids were worth getting her life together. So in the end she agreed to go into treatment again and seek therapy for her childhood trauma that is causing all of these issues. and I told her that we aren't co-dependent and we aren't enablers and if she wants to be a part of our lives and not be lonely shut in a home with nothing but dogs that she had to do the work and that we aren't going to be abused and we aren't going to stand for animals being abused. She balked a little bit and was all, "You gave away Dottie who was a $5000 show dog! She was worth $5000!"
I said , "I don't care how much any of them are worth. That means absolutely nothing to me. All I care about is that these animals are safe, have food and water, and live in a clean loving home. And I'll absolutely give these 7 away or get them taken away from you again if you slide and they are in danger." She is already breeding again. One of the dogs is pregnant. I said, "You can't keep living this way." She cried and cried and apologized and said she would committ to help. I hope so. I have to go through the house today to find the shotgun and shells, if they exist.
Sweet girl, the ONLY response
Sweet girl, the ONLY response to someone stating that they are suicidal is to call the authorities. Every. Single. Time.
Please report her suicidal ideation. ((hugs))
99% of the time
The bottle wins. It is prioritized to the top of the list, unfortunately.
My mother is also a heavy
My mother is also a heavy drinker/alcoholic. I moved out the day I graduated high school and never went back. That was June 2000. I also moved 1200 miles away in 2003. She has visited me about 6 times in 20 years and I have visited her about the same (I always stayed with friends and had short day visits with her). She's my mom and I will always love her for that, but I have set stone boundaries when dealing with her like your post above. She will NEVER come and live with me; NEVER! Not on my land, not next door, not down the street. I will not tolerate her toxic behavior. I knonw when the time comes that she is in great need of help, my heart strings may sing a different song, but I must remain strong. She actually recenlty offered to come and help me after I had a heart attack in July and I sternly told her absolutely not. I also told her she would be more stress on my life and no help at all; she dropped it.
Sorry for the long response. But my advice is the same as the others. Call the police for a welfare check; she is not your responsibility unless you have signed a legal form taking responsibility for her. Just because people have children doesn't mean they have a babysitter/care taker later in life. Children are not responsible for making sure their parent(s) are taken care in their old age. If I were you, I would completely cut off contact and tell any relatives that call just that. She is NOT my responsibility; call someone else.
However, I know this is hard; she is your mom after all. Stay strong. {{HUGS}}