Disengaged Question
So I have disengaged with my SSs for the most part, and I let DH know I would be. Now he is complaining that I am not helping out enough around the house (he does not enforce SSs cleaning up after themselves 100% and I get pretty pissed seeing their mess and then being told I should help out and pick up after them every once in a while because I am the adult and they are just children (9&11)). How do you balance letting your SO experience the weight of the responisiblies of their children with your responsibilities as a spouse?
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Wait…he is getting mad that
Wait…he is getting mad that you won’t clean up after his kids? Tell him too bad. He is the parent and he is the one to clean up after them. The nerve of some of these men. My DH would eat a rock before actually saying something that stupid to me.
When we all lived together, I would just tell DH that SS made a mess in the living room. At first he would run out and clean it. That got old quick for DH. Then he started telling SS to go clean it up. So just tell him to have HIS kids clean up their own mess if he thinks he is not getting help to clean up after them. Tell him it is not rocket science. lol
My responsibilities of the
My responsibilities of the home were general, not picking up after DH's daughter (or him, for that matter). I should be able to clean without picking up everybody's crap first.
Dusting? Sure. Vacuuming? Sure. Picking up SD's clothes, or shoes, or cleaning her room (that was spotless upon her arrival), no.
Nine and eleven is not too young to clean up after themselves. Cleaning up after everybody or cleaning the grout with a toothbrush might be a little much, but I'm pretty sure most of us have never asked for that.
My DH was pretty good about making SD responsible for her own messes. It didn't do a lot of good in her own life, her apartment is gross (she's 25, now).
These kids are old enough to
These kids are old enough to pick up and clean, so no excuse there; tell dadeee you only clean up behind yourself now and do not expect more from you.
This is a great response -
This is a great response - and exactly how I did it (SDs now 10 & 13).
If you have no authority to make sure the cleaning issues are corrected then you have no responsibility to clean up after them...i.e. "responsibility without authority."
It will wear you down otherwise.
Remain calm, memorize the wording sueu2 uses above and be firm.
Simply tell DH - they are not
Simply tell DH - they are not your children and you are not the nanny or maid, either he cleans after them or they do it themselves.....
alternative be a good SM and start cleaning after them... if you say please remove your junk from the living room, give them half an hour, if it's still there, simply pick it up and trash it... you would be amazed how quickly they keep their junk in their rooms, and you never enter their rooms, you simply shut the door.