Teenage babysitters. My sons are in high school. Of course they're busy on the weekends, but they DO have a list a mile long of the phone numbers of high school aged girls that just LOVE to come over and watch my rugrats play Minecraft and My Little Pony for cashola.

That said, we don't go very often. He works full time M-F. I work on the weekends. We have 7 between us. The kids all have extracurricular activities, so there's a lot of shuttling around to different stuff. It takes a lot to keep up on a house with this many people, run errands, pay bills, and keep groceries in the house. We manage to stay connected, but it's not easy.

DH supports me 100% about needing couple time. He's not a guilty parent. It's just hard to take the time. He's a great dad and puts in a lot of effort to do all the extras that the kids need and want to do.

I can't make any suggestions because we don't have skids at home. But look at it this way and perhaps this is something you can say to your DH. If skid was your vio daughter, wouldn't you still want some alone? I think that is the problem with a lot of marriages that the adults never go on a vacation alone, everything is about the kids, bio, skids whatever! My step son and his wife would take a vacation each year, sometimes 2 weeks at a time and leave their kids at home. I think this is why they managed to stay married for 35 years, they made sure they had plenty of alone time. Of course, it is easy if you have a grandparent to babysit with them. Someone you can totaly trust. I did a lot of babysitting for them when the kids were young. One time they went to Japan and left me and my daughter to sit, kids were 2 and 5 then. The point is all adults need time by themselves together alone. If it's all about the kids, one day when the kids aren't there any longer you will look across the table at your DH or vice versa, and wonder who is this person, because you didn't stay connected all the years the kids were growing up.

Having some "couple" time is important. I don't know how often but you should. Family's who have never been divorced take husband and wife time and they have a sitter for their kid{s}. And the SD lives with you both full time so it shouldn't be all about her. Just my thoughts on that, hope you and your hubby have a great time ALONE and make new memories..

Just do it. Maybe he does feel guilty the first few times. As my friends mom (who was a psychologist) would say, "guilt is just an emotion. It will pass." After a few times of doing some couple things and realizing SD is just fine hopefully he'll get over it. Also, try arranging something fun for SD to do while you are having adult time. Play dates are great for this. Then be sure you reciprocate with the other mom, who would likely be happy to have some alone time with her DH too! As other posters have commented, this is something that happens in intact families all the time. It's only the guilt of divorce that clouds our judgements sometimes... IMHO

Does DH have family close by? If so, it could be made into a fun thing for SD, too. She gets to hang out with gma, aunt, uncle, etc while you and DH get alone time. We don't have my skids 24/7, but we do have my son 24/7. My gma is more than happy to take him for a couple of days (she prefers a week straight, but I had to stop that! Lol). If you and DH talk it up to SD and get her excited about going to someone's house for a while, then it can be a win-win. She's having fun, and you and DH get couple time. He needs to get over this guilt. As you said, you cannot work on having a great marriage when you don't get any alone time together. My parents have been married for 32 yrs, and are just as happy, if not happier, than the day they got married. One of the things they swear by is that they always took weekends away without me. It is a very important part of a marriage. I've seen a lot of couples who revolved their lives around the kids. Guess what happened when the kids were grown and gone...they had no clue how to act with each other anymore. They felt like complete strangers to each other because both had grown and changed over the years, but they didn't grow together.
Depending on SD's age, maybe DH could work something out with the parents of one of her friends where you swap up keeping kids for each other. Good luck!

My DH and I have had the skids (SD7, SS6) almost solely since we got married 4 years ago. BM lives across the country and has no interest in them and family is not an option since we are military and do not live near anyone. We also have trust issues and babysitters are out of the question (I support this too).

My DH and I will try to meet up for lunch a few times during the week, or try to drive to work together. We also try to get off a little early to work out together and have some time to talk before we pick the kids up. Also, our couple time is when the kids are asleep. They are school-aged therefore we put them to bed around 730pm, go down to our basement and watch TV or talk or play games together.

Not ideal, but it works for us. I honestly do not feel like I am deprived of couple time, even if that couple time is spent in our own house and not out. I also have to remind myself that these kids are with us 100%, just like our bios would be (if we decide to have any). So I think "what would I do if these were my bios" and go from there.

Edited to add" We also take a day off work every now and again just to hang out while the kids are in school.