First issue is after FDH and I discussed dates of when we would be getting ss's (according to his summer schedule as it changes from fall-winter) we sent an email to BM giving her dates and pick up/drop off times. We also let her know when we were planning to have the boys for summer vacation (FDH has to put in for his vacation time by February and we would like to rent a beach house for a week).

BM gets angry and defensive saying that my email sounded demanding and rude. I really wish I could post the email because it was not, in any way shape or form demanding or rude. It was factual. No nonsense. These are the days I have off and this is when and where I will pick up/drop off boys.

I got angry with FDH because after BM threw a fit and told him she thought it was demanding and rude and didn't want me involved in setting up dates and times regarding his visitation with the boys he did not see it important to back me up and simply state to her that as his partner in life and another adult in the house I am involved. We discuss dates and times because I work to, for us to go away on vacation I have to also put in for that time to be off, and who do you think is paying for all this stuff BM?! so, when we get home from dropping ss's off FDH sends BM this big long text explaining all of that and that I do have involvement even if she doesn't want to acknowledge it.

So then BM calls FDH and starts on her rant which changes from having an issue of me not being involved to stating that the boys hate coming to our house, especially the middle son who is her prince. He supposedly has made statement to her when he comes home like "mom we have to get rid of notastepyet, she's just so brutal"
BM was unwilling or had no specific reason as to why I am "brutal". FDH says to her that we have rules and expectations at our house and he's sorry that she doesn't. She says she thinks the rules we have a ridiculous and harmful considering the boys are "not used to them". FDH says they have had the same rules and expectations for 3 years, and what is ridiculous? That they are expected to clean up after themselves, not fight and wrestle around, be respectful and eat decent meals and not junk all day? She says that standing in the corner is a punishment they are not used to and it hurts their feelings. However she did say that none of the boys feel that they are being singled out or that I am "nicer" to my bios. Apparently it's an equal brutality.

Then there's the issue of her scheduling the boys activities so they have awthing to do every weekend we have them. We have attempted to be accommodating for the last two years and we stay at his parents so we can take the boys to their activities and watch them play. FDH does not want to do this every weekend we have the kids. How are they supposed to feel like they are a part of this family or get accustomed to our rules and expectations of they are Never at our home? Is FDH obligated to follow through with practices for activities for the kids? Clearly we don't want to hurt the kids by not taking them to their activities and missing practice, but we can't help but think she signs them up for these activities to keep the kids away from our home and as a control? She doesn't even take the kids to practice on her time, her step dad does.