Things that really work on my nerves.
I believe in kids having personal responsibility.....it really works on my nerves when SSs ask where is my....I don't know where xyz is....I forgot to bring....
They have iPads....which I think is ridiculous anyway. middle SS can't find his at BMs so he didn't bring it but the other two did. He was whining around about it so SO have him his iPhone to play with. That aggravates me. For one, he runs around with it and I'm just waiting for him to fall or drop it then SO is out of a phone. Guess it's not my problem, but it is. Also, this kid can read and I don't think its a good idea to just let the kid have free access to SOs texts.
Last visit older SS forgot his toothbrush at our house.(he has a special toothbrush cause he has braces) They live two hours away and this was detected about an hour into the drive home. No we are not going back to get it. You should have packed your shit and made sure you had everything. Of course BM made a big deal about it and older SS said you didn't tell me to back it daaaadddyyy.....BM packs their bags....they don't do anything for themselves so they don't know what personal responsibility is. They can always blame not having or knowing where their shit is on someone else because, well it's not their responsibility to keep track of anything for themselves.
The younger two still don't wipe their own asses, even though SO and I have had multiple conversations about it and I've expressed that he needs to make them do this for themselves. He continues to wipe their ass for them. Whatever.
I get aggravated about how loud they are, all the time. They don't listen, SO has to "ask" them multiple times to do anything cause they are all wrapped up in their iPads or tv....they rough house and then cry when they get hurt....
And with Christmas coming up then the entitled "I want this this this this" comes out and I know they will be extremely ungrateful no matter if we got everything their little heart desires or not.
I don't like kids. And I dislike kids I can't control even more. My kids do not act this way because I have limits and consequences for behavior. I don't allow them to act a fool and be disrespectful and ungrateful. I feel like the majority of the time I'm punishing my dd for doing exactly the same thing the Bo's are doing....cause heaven forbid she be rough housing with the boys and one of the precious little babies gets a ouchy from her. I'm half tempted just to let my girls go fill tilt on the joys and say well if you can't keep up then don't do it. My girls are more Boys than the boys.
Then there's the food issue. GAH.
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Comments
As long as dad is stepping up
As long as dad is stepping up instead of expecting you do everything for them, then so be it. If he's ok with his kids playing with his phone, that's fine as well. All he has to do is delete things he does not want them to see.
Since the kids live two hours away, mom stepping up and packing their bags is a good thing. That way both parents are sure the kids have everything they need. She could take the bitch route and make the kids pack knowing darn well they will forget stuff. That move ma5 force dad to runback an pick up the item or waste money replacing must have items. (Special toothbrush)
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It rather annoys me when I
It rather annoys me when I read posts that state 'Dad lets Jr play with the phone. There's personal texts on that phone that kid shouldn't read. Blah. Blah. Blah.'
Seriously, if there is something on the phone that kid shouldn't be seeing I assume 1)Dad is smart enough to remove what a child should not see 2) Dad is smart enough to not let kid play with phone or 3) Dad is not near as worried and/or upset about this as the SM is.
It's Dad phone. Just because you happen to text Dad on his phone does not mean you have any rights as to what Dad does with the phone. If you think Dad is an idiot, don't send him texts that you'd not want anyone else to read. Simple as that.
I really also don't understand when a SM complains a skid can't do this or that when BM does it all for the skids on her end and Dad is either also doing it all for them or not carefully teaching them to do it themselves. Kids can't pack their own bags? Time for Dad to teach them and then oversee the packing until Dad is assured kid has it down right. As far as a special toothbrush? If it's so special it's all kid can use, then have Dad or BM swing by the orthodontist to pick up (or purchase) a second toothbrush. Have one for both homes. Driving once a four hour round trip over a toothbrush would be more than enough to make me see to it a toothbrush doesn't cause the extra drive a second time.
I mean, I do 'get it'. You're frustrated with the skids not doing this or that (not knowing how) or not beginning to learn some self responsibility over what would seem little things for lots of other kids. I sympathize with the frustration. However it does annoy the heck out of me when it turns into 'what rotten skids I have' instead of 'what a poor parent/over indulgent/enabling parent my SO is' . Yes, your SO only sees these kids, what two 48hr spans a month? But it doesn't excuse him from expecting the BM to do all the life teaching of 'how to do', 'what to do' . The SO is not an EOWE babysitter. He's the father aka the other parent of these kids.
And no, this is not meant as an attack on this particular OP. It's just I read this same thing (or similar) of these same kind of 'stupid, lazy kid' things here all the time and I keep wondering when the light bulb will go on and it's realized that many many of these issues are caused by parents not teaching their kids and/or plainly a manner of the non-parent having different expectations of the children than the actual parent does.
Anyway....time to sit SO down and discuss all this with him. Tell him how you feel and how perhaps things can get better and suggestions on what he could do to make the situation less of an issue/problem. No one enjoys a weekend being miserable or frustrated. Not you not Dad not the skid, not the other household children. Time for Dad to not just be a father but to actually parent and guide his children through what they need to learn and act in his home.
I agree. I completely agree
I agree. I completely agree that in my situation....SO is too afraid of hurting the boys feelings or being seen as the "tough" parent. No, the responsibility for teaching the children how to take care of themselves isn't only the mothers job, but considering the fact that she is the main caregiver and main influence in their life, well then yes, it is her job. I do it. I am the only parent in my girls life and they know how to do shut for themselves. They eat what is put infront of them, the pick up after themselves and they are respectful, because I, as their print, expect that of them. I also don't allow the fact that their father doesn't bother with them or the fact that they are from a "broken family" affect those expectations. I don't feel bad for my children. It's life. You can't always depend on others to be there when you need them. I will not always be around to make sure they have the things they need, pay bills, make them food or pick out their clothes....much less wipe their ass.
Yes, I get irritated, not only with SSs behavior but with SOs non parenting. I am concerned that these children are not going to be able to cope with life. Not my problem? Yes, it is because I love their father and plan to spend our lives together and it affects him. He doesn't want to be the bad guy, he doesn't want to be "mean" or "tough" on the kids. It is absolutely and issue between he and I because I expect the same behavior and ability from all the kids and they are all capable.
I also get irritated with the things my kids do....but I piint it out explain why it's not acceptable and enforce consequences if said behaviors continue. I'm
Irritated with both of my stepsons parents.....it's a lot easier to villainize the BM considering I don't live with her or have to have contact with her everyday.