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I just want to cry

No Name's picture

Submitted by No Name on Thu, 02/06/2020 - 1:01pm

I am sitting at my desk at work and trying not to cry.

I can't even begin to explain the hurt that I feel.

Oldest SD just came into town with the grandchildren.  She invited DH to meet her at a local bar/restaurant for dinner and to see the kids.  I said, oh am I invited or is the invitation extended to you only.  Trust me, I knew that I was not included.  
DH just called to say that BM and her clan will be going.  And DH says that he would like it if I went.  That is a joke,  I called it ahead of time, I knew that the mission of SD is to get Mommy and Daddy back together.

I understand that DH wants to see his grandchildren and his daughter.  I even suggested that he invite them to come to our house for dinner this weekend.

I don't think that he is trying to rekindle anything with his ex but this hurts.

He knows how badly they all treat me.  He knows that the ex and SD is having a bridal shower for the other daughter and they did not invite me but oldest SD openly talked about it over the holidays, purposely in front of me so that  I was aware.

DH knows that I am angry and upset.  I basically hung up on him after shouting "have fun".

Now I want to cry.

I can't help how I feel.  I don't want to feel this upset.  I don't want to let his first family get to me like this.  I am a mess!

 

 

 

 

Comments

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Thu, 02/06/2020 - 1:08pm

I am so sorry your husband isn't taking a stand. I can't imagine how torn he must feel in all of this. The SD's are truly awful humans. 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Thu, 02/06/2020 - 1:10pm

Yes, this. Your DH should be saying: "Can't make it to this event, but SM and I would love to see you another time." Instead of being a wimp and not setting limits and protecting you. 

Don't cry though - get angry. 

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Thu, 02/06/2020 - 1:39pm

I'm sorry you can't have a better relationship with your DH's family.  But, part of disengaging is giving yourself the freedom to not care about people that don't have your best interests at heart.

I'm not sure why you think that the daughter is trying to reunite her parents... vs is stingy with time she wants to allot to her parents so she wants to see them at the same time... so she has more time to spend with friends etc...

Personally, I don't care for family outings.. and baby showers and the like.  I count you lucky to be able to avoid them.  If you patently feel your husband is comitted toYOU.. then I wouldn't worry about whatever hairbrained motive that SD may have.. it won't work...

However, just because you want to disengage from your SD etc.. that does not necessarily mean your DH needs to avoid seeing his daughter and grandkids.  I think he should insist on them being civil to you of course.. and good manners would dictate that spouses be included.. but if there is bad blood on both sides.. I would not expect to go.. but I would probably stop short of telling my spouse they couldn't go.

I mean.. yes.. spouses should support each other.. but sometimes there are going to be situations that the baby must be split... I may not like all my husband's relatives.. or friends.. but won't make his choices for him.

donewithdrama35's picture

Submitted by donewithdrama35 on Fri, 02/07/2020 - 1:27pm

I would be feeling the SAME EXACT way as you. Thankfully any family outings have been kept separate now for quite some time due to BM being a psycho stalker but early on I did have to deal with him going to some of the same events she was at with mutual friends... I refused to go and got upset with him when he'd go anyways knowing she was there. I don't think it's fair to you. These are grown people and feel that any get together outside of a major life event (wedding, graduation, child birth) should be completely separate unless all parties involved (second spouses specifically) are genuinely OK with it. I also don't think your husband should support you being excluded from these outings by attending them with BM there knowing his crappy kid didn't invite you. I kind of agree with shamds other than I don't know if I'd stay overnight somewhere. I would probably try to find something to go do tonight and he'd be in the doghouse with me for sure for the rest of the weekend. Long term- I'd be clear that this hurts you very much and it would be nice if he didn't let you be excluded like this.