We have 4 kids total, my SD19 is at college & my DH & I went to visit him for the weekend while my Bio sons (14 & 17) are at their Dad's (we have 50/50 custody of all kids but SD13 left 2 yrs ago by choice to go to BM).

Ok so for those of you who know my story I'm the SM that has a 13SD that has left our house for the past 10 months with few to little calls to her Dad.  Since she left her stuff is all still at our place where she lived 1/2 time with us over the past 4 years w our 3 other kids. 
 

I go back and forth with this all the time.  My 13SD who really isn't my SD as she no longer lives with us or sees us at all...she behaves horriibly to her father, obviously is angry at him for remarrying, so doesn't want anything to do with him at all.  She left 6 months ago to live with BM  full time and because she has been struggling social-emotionally so badly, everyone (my DH and his ex-wfe the BM and pretty my DH's family of siblings who give him advice), all told him to back way off and let her do what keeps her happy because she has been struggling with depression and making suicid

I am having what I'd call irrational resentment and anger towards my DH (we've been together for 4 years but recently married and have been married only for 4 months).  Our marriage coincided with his 13 BD moving out (depsite the fact that we share 50% custody of her) to live with her BM full time.  We have 3 other kids (2 are my biological sons that are teens and one is his teen son), we haven't run into this challenge with the boys, they have been pretty norrmal and accepting of things.  We'd all been living together for about 4 years and I thought we had a pretty nice l