First of all, I am so happy I found this site. I was seriously about to lose my mind. I don't know how anyone copes with having a blended family, it is so common these days. Anyway, I feel so relieved after reading an old post from 2006 about resentment towards a step child. I typed "how to deal with resentment towards step child" on google and found this site and the post. I no longer feel like what I am feeling is off the wall or out of the ordinary. It is actually the opposite and normal! My situation is a little different considering my stepson was a result of a one night stand. I would really love to have interaction and advice from other SM's in the same situation. Here is my story (sorry if it is lengthy):

My BF and I have been in a relationship for two years and have lived together for almost the entire time. I knew when we met he had a son as a result of a one night stand. He was a 17 year old kid about to start his senior year of high school, the mother was 19, and he was drunk at a party. Once the child was born, in 2001, he ordered a paternity test and it was 99.9 % his child. He then sent checks to the BM, not court ordered, which she in turn got a job at the bank and stole all of this money and SS#. Needless to say she has a felony and he has not had contact with her or the child since he was a year old. Recently, the BM contacted me and wants to be civil. She is now married and feels she is a changed person. We are now trying to establish a relationship with the child, he will be 9 years old next month. My BF is happy to be in contact with his biological son but would like to have never seen the BM again. The BM's new husband is a really nice guy, not sure how she ended up with him, but we are both grateful he is in the picture.

The feelings I have had now that I am having to accept the role as SM are really confusing. I am a very type A person and like to be in control of my own life. I do not feel in control of my life or the situation. I do feel that what we are doing is right but it doesn't make the situation any easier. I have been picking fights with my BF, soon to be husband, over being insecure about the situation. My biggest reason for being hurt is that I very much want my own children with my BF. It is very hard to see a child that looks so much like him but also looks like the mother and not be jealous. I know that my BF never wanted the child to begin with and our child will be planned and welcomed, but I still feel jealous. I also have anxiety over the feelings that my BF will have for the child. I know that is selfish but I have had all of his love and devotion for the past two years. I know it will only be natural for him to have feelings for his biological child but I just don't want it to get in the way of our relationship. What if I can't deal with the situation? What is these feelings of resentment and jealousy don't ever go away? Also, financially the child is prolonging our marriage and children by the amount of child support he has to pay. Lastly, my other issue is with the BM wanting to have contact with my BF's family and have us attend bday parties and such with her family. The door was already opened long ago with my BF's mother trying to befriend the BM so she could have access with the grandchild. All behind by BF's back and so now the BM is trying to contact my BF's sister. This makes me mad b/c she has no place in his family. My BF said he would NEVER allow her to involve herself with his family nor will he be involved with hers. It's a touchy situation but I guess we are all going through similar situations.

Any advice on how to cope?