Need Advise: the sd is coming this weekend how do I handle it
My husband has made these big plans this weekend with his SD and I am along for the ride (a bad roller coaster). She hasn’t been to our house since Christmas and I literally have to take Zanex befor she comes. So first off I am being lied too by my husband. He told me that the SD wanted to go to the lake this weekend l. But I over heard him on a phone convo with the SD and he said we had plans to go to the lake and she was more than welcome to come ( not the same story he told me.). He also told her he wanted her to spend the night because since she is 21 and he knows they will drinking together and he wants to take care of her.
1.) Idread the freaking ride to the lake. The SD will want to hear every story that he can think of when he was in high school. It’s really sickening. All she sits there and says is yea, MOM tells me the same thing or MOM said this or MOM said that. Or, I wish I could go back to then I bet I would have liked it. It’s almost like she does it on purpose? How do I respond to this?
2.). She will look like she walked off the stripper polle and it will be 90+ degrees. She has already told my husband that she wants to look her best because she wants people to look at her. (Really). She wants people to say she is beautiful. It’s really a weird thing. She and my husband argue over how beautiful she he says she is? It’s so weird.
i of course will be the designated driver. I don’t drink because someone has to be responsible in my house. But it’s almost like that’s the only reason my husband wants me to go along on this putting...cause I can be the Designated driver. Other than that it’s just him and her in the world.
if I don’t go then it will be all hell at my house where he is verbally kick my ass and tell me what a butch I am to his daughter. I dread this...I am already sick thinking about it.
need some advise please on how to handle this.
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No Way
if your dh turns into asshole because you dont want to participate in a hell weekend you should RUN. Or seriously sit him down and tell him that’s where things are heading if he continues to treat you this way. I’m sure if he verbally abuses you over SD he verbally abuses you about other things too. I’ve been in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship. It doesn’t just get better one day. It doesn’t.
I’m definitely seeing that is
I’m definitely seeing that is not getting better. I just have to overcome the mental state I’m in right now. I used to be so carefree but it’s almost like I have changed into a person I do not know or like. I let him talk tome like a dog...because he tells me it’s me. I let him do it and it’s even worse when he drinks. It’s like I am under a spell
Start drinking before they
Start drinking before they leave. Or leave the house before they go. You're an adult. You're not beholden to their plans. If you want to go to the lake and drink, or sit your butt at home and do nothing, or spend the day out with friends, you totally can. I wouldn't stop my fun just because he decides he needs you as a DD. That's what Uber and taxis are for.
And if he is going to call you names because you don't fall in line, you really should reconsider this relationship. At the minimum, you need to tell him how he treats you is inappropriate and won't be tolerated. He yells at you because he can get away with it. Don't let him.
Mind games
He plays games. He will have me convinced that I’m. The one in the wrong. It’s like when he starts on me I loose my brain and completely cower down to him. I feel so helpless.
You have the mindset of
You have the mindset of someone who has been beaten down by constant abuse. Call your local battered womens shelter and tell them the situation you are in. Blows don't have to be physical to cause damage. You are not to blame! You need help to see that reality and to get out of the abusive situation. I wish you all the best.
If it’s going to be a hell weekend
Have it home, not at the lake. At home you can leave and go someplace. You don’t have to sit around a barf all day long
Is it just me or are you
Is it just me or are you starting to feel sick? I bet by Saturday it will be a full-blown stomach flu. Too bad, the lake sounded fun....
What the hell? You say you
What the hell? You say you don't want to do something and he "verbally kicks your ass"? You realize that's abusive, right?
You need to get out. i know
You need to get out. i know you believe you love him, I know you believe you can take it. I know that you have those super amazing moments where you sit there and you pretty well forget all the crap. i know when he does it that's when it all flares up, when it all hits you again and you sit there reliving a lot of it and it makes it SO MUCH worse.
Getting out is hard too. It comes with guilt and that it hits, it's like a desenitization to the situation, so now that it's no longer there, your body is as a loss of where to go. Both freeing and terrifying. That's why so many go back.
What you need it to get out and to get some counseling for yourself and to let yourself heal. You deserve that. YOU are important. Do this for you. I agree with what someone said above, contact your battered woman's shelter, find yourself a way out.
One less ***
If you are not in a place to leave today or tomorrow or next week think of it this way.. One less time I drive them to the lake / One less time I ever have to listen to the DaddyDaughter lovefest / One less time he will guilt me into doing what he wants.
Work at thinking "I just do not care" and repeat this to yourself over and over again. You just do not care. Don't give YH (Your Husband) any reason to be nasty or mean or verbally attack you, you just do not GAF any more.Work at a new life. Where you want to be in 10 years. It seems any respect you ever had for this man is long gone and the only reason he treats you like this is because you are still there. If you left he would have no one to treat like this and for a while he and his daughter will hste you but eventually they will turn on each other.
This year my DD's partners daughter (DD and partner been together just 2 yrs) who is in her 20s died from alcohol toxicity alone in her apartment after a night out with friends. She did not drive, she got into her apartment and fell over ans passed out and died. No head injury, no aspirating vomit. Just too much booze on board.. She was encouraged by her mother. So DH saying he will take care of his drunk daughter means he may stop her from driving or diving into the lake but if she has too much alcohol on board she will die. And you can be as pretty and beauitful as you think you are but you still are dead.
I would just start planning to get out. If not this summer, by Christmas, By this time next year. By the end of summer. Because one day you just will not GAF anymore.
Good way to think
That is a good way to think about it. I am over it. I only go through the motions of my marriage because it’s easier to just agree that buck up. If I Buck up then there’s going to be an argument. The last argument was about two weeks ago. It had to do with me not being myself. Heck I am not meself. I am walking egg shells. I don’t show him enough attention he says. I don’t have the want to show him anything anymore. He told me straight to my face that the only reason he hasn’t left is because of our son together. I have got to get stronger mentally and learn to stand up to his mind games. He is a jack ass. It’s all about him, he has a drinking problem and he is cocky on top of that. He has never physically hit me, but I seriously wish he would because then I would have proof. He puts a front up. I just pray I get stronger and get my self and my child out of this.
Your DH is verbally and psychologically abusing you
Your DH is verbally and psychologically abusing you. Here is the website and phone number for National Domestic Violence Hotline. They can help you even though he has not yet been physically violent. https://www.thehotline.org/ 1−800−799−7233