Newbie
I am the newbie to the sight. I think it is nice to talk with other people in the same or simular situations.
I am a mother of a 7 year old boy and a 14 SD. I have been a teacher for 13 years and really thought that I loved all children until she walked into my life and through my door. I am hoping that this forum and other peoples words will help me.
- musictcher's blog
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welcome honeypie!! and
welcome honeypie!! and this-----> "really thought I loved all children until she walked into my life..." should be a quote that is posted on your blogs...it's too true for SO many people!
I have a 7yr old boy as well and my SD is 11.
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland
Wow, that's a tough one.
Wow, that's a tough one. Hate is a strong word in regards to a child. The child is a product of her mother. Hate the mom. Get some help for the child and yourself and take the BM to court to make her give you some monetary support. I have met some teenagers that I strongly dislike, maybe even hate to be around, but I have to realize that children are a product of their parenting, or lack thereof. Just do the best you can. You can't turn a 16 year old around in a year and you may just have to wait it out until she's 18 and can be on her own. That's when most people grow up anyway and they have to learn the hard way. My 16 year old ran away ONCE - I called the cops and they arrested her and took her downtown to a juvenile facility. I let her spend the night there and she never did it again.
**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**
There is a lot more
There is a lot more involved. Her mom does give us money but it is no where near enough to make up for everything that she has cost us. I guess hate is a harsh word, but the resentment I have for her is more than i have ever had for anyone.
That's pretty coincidental.
That's pretty coincidental. I work with inner city children too. I agree with you about at a certain age they should be able to stop blaming their mother for their actions. My SD is at the age and smart enough to make the proper decisions for herself. Her mother my be to blame for a lot of things but now the sd is almost 16 she should be able to think for herself. She should know how her actions will effect everyone else around her.
Even her couselor said that he couldn't help her because she know how to tell you just what you want to hear so she can get what she wants. If she is smart enough to manipulate a couselor then she is smart enough to know the consequences of her actions.
It is time to stop blaming the mom and put the blame where it truely belongs.
"I really thought I loved all children until she walked into my life"
Welcome to the site
Welcome to the site musictcher. A lot of great advice can be found here.
Don't beat yourself up over your feelings of resentment. It's only natural to be affected by your environment. Though its almost impossible for anyone who knows me to see now, I was going to school to work with children. Then I became a stepmom and my experiences completely changed my outlook on children and life in general. So I understand what you are saying about how an experience with child can turn the world as you know it completely upside down.
It sounds like you are in a pretty frustrating situation. I hope you get the help you are looking for.
"There comes a time when you have to surrender the idea of what your children could be to the reality of who they are."
Hi! I'm glad you are here
Hi! I'm glad you are here and are blogging. It always feels good to talk about things that are bugging you and your family, and it's even better if the people understand what in the hell you are talking about! If I talked to my RL friends about alot of the things I talk about here everynoe would look at me like I'm a child abuser. You have to be a step parent to understand the feelings we have.......
What kindave plans do you have for Thanksgiving?
Thank you for the warm
Thank you for the warm welcome. And that is exactly how I feel. Everyone is telling me I have to be the bigger one and have to understand she is a child. I don't think anyone can understand unless they are in the same situation.
For Thanksgiving my sd is going home to her moms. It is a relief for me, but always ends up being a problem when she comes back. Everything we have done gets undone when she goes up there.
As for my son and my husband we are going to my grandma's.
How about you what are you doing for the holiday?
"I really thought I loved all children until she walked into my life"
We are going to hang with
We are going to hang with Juicey's (Dh) parents.
We are still trying to decide if we should do ours on tomorrow or Friday. I have to work Fri, but he doesn't. Sooooo he could be home cooking for me! But he just got out of the hospital last week, so I may let him slide on doing anything other than putting the bird in the oven. I don't know yet, I gotta ponder it to figure it out!
I have a 14 yr old son, a 2 year old daughter (my angel), a 15 yr old SD, and a 21 year old SD. My son is at his dads all week, my daughter will be with us of course, my SD15 has been with us since Sat but she's going home tonight, but tomorrow night I'm picking her back up, and my SD 21 has to work boooooo.....so she can't come until Saturday. Maybe I'll just do Thanksgiving on Saturday.......hummmmmmmm.......I think you just helped me make up my mind! LOL!
I know what you mean about the visits undoing all the work you've done. Though I really don't have many Step situations ANYMORE (I had plenty in the past), my sons father is still a jack ass and does everything in the world to be vindictive......he's like most BM's. But he's worse. If I were on a desserted island and I had to pick x husband or BM to be there with me it'd be BM hands down. So that's my story!
I also hate, hate, hate the be the bigger person, she's the child line. She's not a freaking child......not to much anymore. She's 14! She knows right from wrong and should be expected to uphold it. I swear the only people that ever say that are bio's ONLY. I probably used to say it before I was a step and understood that the Step in step parenting means getting stepped on for the rest of your life!
Anyways, I hope you have a great Holiday!
------------- "Everyone is
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"Everyone is telling me I have to be the bigger one and have to understand she is a child."
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When is it appropriate for people to start being responsible for their own behaviour? I think from birth - age appropriately of course! I can't think of one person who is so important that they have the right to expect others to take crap from them. Maybe on occasion in extreme circumstances, however even then we should be willing to own up to our own behaviour.
Thank You!!! I totally
Thank You!!! I totally agree. Especially when the child is making adult decision for herself and trying to do adult actions. Then she needs to act like the adult and take the adult reprecutions and the adult responsibility for it.
If she didn't try so hard to act like an adult then I wouldn't treat her as such.
She has hurt me and treated me like shit. I am going to treat her just like I would one of my friends who hurts me or treats me like shit.
"I really thought I loved all children until she walked into my life"
I know I always have to keep
I know I always have to keep in mind that the teen years are a tough time, they are trying to act like adults without having the experience of an adult which leads to many foolish choices. But they also know they can still play that "I'm still a kid" card and get sympathy from the bio-family when they mess up. I don't know if I would lower myself to her standards, however, that doesn't mean you have to accept unacceptable behaviour. It's a crappy situation. It was bad enough for me living through my DS's adolescent years (it's true what they say though - in their early 20's they turn into humans again!), now for me with SDs (17 and 20) without the unconditional love for them like I had for DS, it is an exercise in extreme patience and tongue-biting most of the time, especially since I already went through it once and thought I was finished with that chapter of my life. I have read a lot about disengaging and it has really helped me, it is worth taking the time to read.