"The only way is UP", I keep telling myself, even though it proves me wrong every day.

Last Sunday DH and I were fighting. About the skids, of course, and I suddenly started hyperventilating (because I was crying so hard) and then started chocking. I took my phone and dialed 112, which is the number for the police here in Norway. I should have called 113, but who can keep track of those numbers in an emergency? Anyway... as I was dialing, I realized I was overreacting and I hung up. Then I went to the bathroom and started throwing up. The next thing I knew, the police were coming through the door and handcuffed DH. It was super embarrassing and really stupid. They were afraid 'couse SS15 was at home, but he hadn't even noticed because he was playing a video game. Police left... nothing else happened.

Then yesterday DH finally had the meeting with CPS. He got the full report on what SS7 had said about me at school. Turns out that the hitting wasn't the worse part. He had told them that I was a crazy person, who was angry at them all the time. Didn't let them play, didn't let them get up in the morning, didn't let them go to sleep at night, didn't let them spend time with their dad, AND had made him eat his own vomit. Yes. He actually said that. I don't know who can be stupid enough to believe that. Point is, they said that NO ONE is allowed to talk to the kid about it so that he doesn't feel guilty. It wasn't the BM saying that, it was CPS. So ok, the kid ruins my life and he doesn't get to know that he's done something wrong. CPS also said that they will talk to me soon and asked DH if they could talk to his parents. He said he'd ask them, but guess what. His mother (79) isn't up to it. Meaning that she, who could actually defend me a bit, won't. Aside from that, they believe that they are going to press criminal charges against me, so I am hiring a lawyer first thing on Monday.

So I called a friend and left the house for a few hours. Then DH called and said he wanted to talk and he'd pick me up. He did, but SS15 was in the car too. I asked him kindly if perhaps he wanted to go and stay with his mother (the other BM who is a crazy bitch) for two weeks, so that he doesn't get further involved in this mess. He said NO. I also told him that he needed to think about what he was going to say to CPS when they interview him. He said he was going to tell the truth and tell them how I had ruined his life. I told him that in that case, he better get used to staying with his mother because they're not going to let him live with us anymore. I have three kids making up shit and exaggerating all kinds of situations to make me look bad. Three against one. They will believe them... I'm screwed.

But then, about 20 minutes after we dropped him off, I got a message from his mother, telling me that I had no right to scream to his son, to touch him, and if I ever did anything to him, she would kill me. Then she texted DH and told him that SS15 is moving to her place for good as of today. And honestly, that would be a blessing for me, except that I know it will kill DH. If SS15 moves in with her, he will end up being a criminal. She's a terrible person, and it breaks DH's heart that he would prefer to live with her.

In any case, I'm very close to the end. This is not the way I want to live my life. I deserve better.