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I'm not enough.

Mrs.Desperate's picture

Submitted by Mrs.Desperate on Sun, 11/20/2011 - 1:07pm

Over the last few weeks, I feel that we're losing eachother. DH and I have been going through this really big issue with the skids, and I don't think either of us can take it anymore. We've been fighting all day, every day. We seem to be on the same page about what is happening, but for some reason we're getting on eachother's nerves all the time. I'm irritated at everything he does, and he seems to be just plain upset. He has been kind of insulting some times, and I know that what he's saying is not really what he feels, but I can't help getting upset over it. I believe that he blames me for everything that has happened, even if he doesn't realize it. And it just seems like I'm not enough for him anymore. I always knew that I'd never make up for the fact that he doesn't get to see his children every day, but I thought that he would at least have a new reason to live if I were around. But lately it just seems like me being around doesn't make him happy at all. For the first time since we've been together, we had a weekend all for ourselves, and we spent it by ourselves. He ignored me the whole weekend and submerged himself in sports and other crap. He ignored me when we were eating, like looking at the tv or reading the paper. He didn't have breakfast with me, he didn't want to watch a movie with me, didn't want to have sex, didn't want to go out, didn't want to talk, didn't want to laugh or anything. I know he's hurting, but we watched the Graham Northon show and he didn't laugh once. That is a reason to worry. Then last night I asked him why he was being like this and he said: "That's what you're like all the time. Isn't it boring?" Then went to bed, turned his butt towards me and didn't even give me a good night kiss. Today he's been watching sports all day long and has been totally indifferent towards me. I don't know if he's mad, sad, pissed, depressed or what. I don't know how to fix it, and I just feel like I'm losing him.

Comments

Stressed Out Mom's picture

Submitted by Stressed Out Mom on Sun, 11/20/2011 - 1:48pm

Remind him how much you love him. But make sure you tell him how hurt you are feeling. Make him talk to you. My boyfriend is not a talker. SO I take control and tell him I want to talk right now. I make him turn off the tv and his phone. And we dont finish until both sides are heard and understood and their is some kind of new resolve laid out to try and make something better. Otherwise you are both just bitching and not figured out a way to fix whats broken. It works for us. Sorry you are feeling so alone. Ive been there and its not a good feeling. Hoping that things will get better for you:)

anafiodorova's picture

Submitted by anafiodorova on Wed, 11/23/2011 - 10:16am

StressedoutMom we tried what you suggested. I thought we were making progress but at one point it did not work. I had to leave. I am glad it is working for you and that your partner gives you the support you need. Sometimes love is not enough. I love him but he said he does not have the energy to deal with it. So I just moved out. His words were that if we love each other we will find a way back to be together. This door is closed for me. He seems to think that I will be begging and coming back. I tried to communicate but he shut down completely. I am not willing to talk or see him anymore.Love and care!

stired_crazy's picture

Submitted by stired_crazy on Wed, 11/23/2011 - 10:30am

I been where you are at, Its hard because you cant put a bandaide on everything for your SO,He has to come to terms with the way things are, its not your fault about him not seeing his kids everyday. Sometimes men get in this pitty party and shut down the closest person to them and become cold because they have regrets about their kids and the way things are, I had to go through the same thing and just turn my back. Sometimes they need to sit in their own mess by themself before they realize their partner is not the problem..they are, and they just shut out and lost the best person they had in their life. Sometimes having to face some hard cold facts about their situation and people in ther lives are hard and no matter what we do we can change nothing or make them feel better because they choose to be exactly where they are. You did all you could do and thats all you could do, he may come back around and realize..this could be his reality check Smile be patient and stay strong.