Having a very hard time KEEPING MY MOUTH SHUT!
To make a very long drawn out (I'm sure BORING to everyone else) story short: BM sent a snotty e-mail, I snapped back, she snapped back, I said DONE! Literally, just wrote back, 'I'm done, deal with [BF] from now on, I've forwarded him the
e-mails, no hard feelings-good luck.' Well, that's when the real drama began. She called and called (he usually ignores like her first four calls-used to irritate me, now I understand why!) when he finally answered, she cut loose about how mean and "hurtful" I was...blah, blah, how she's been "trying so hard to get along" (?) hmmm...she was crying! WOW, the thing that bugs me is that this became a two day drama, that I'm sure my SS & SD were witnesses to. Nothing is sacred in that home. It's our weekend, and I'm feeling sheepish. Like, what did they hear? What did she tell them? They won't bring it up to me, just maybe be a little withdrawn and icy, because they're mother was "hurt" by me. I want to set the record straight, scream the truth into those vacant, shell shocked eyes, sometimes. But I don't. I never do, because I love them and I love my husband. As hard as all of this is, I don't want to hurt them. So they go on believing all of her lies about us both. And we just love them. Usually I'm ok with that. My two teenagers have proven they do figure out the 'truth for themselves' as they get older...but today, I'm not alright with it.
- monica68's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
They will eventually
see what there mom is about.. I am sorry to laugh because it would eat me up too. But what did she think husband was going to do, call you and yell at you for speaking your mind? Give you a spanking.. Maybe she should just quit emailing and only call or something when a real problem arises.. These woman I hear about are killing me.. OMG.. Grow up and move on with your life..
YOU know I'm an ex which most already know.. I feel this way my mom raised me with out my dad and unless something is to big for me to handle I deal with it without him.. I can comtrol stuff in my own home with out him.. I do not need him. I will say I call and let him know when they are hurt.. Out of being curtious as there dad but I do not need him to get on the phone and tell them or defend me.. I can handle it on my own..
RE:
Sorry, completely unrelated, but I just wanted to chime in. BM in my situation loves to stir up trouble with all of my friends, then comes running to my BF saying "You need to tell your friends not to blah blah blah!" She starts her own problems then comes running to him to fix them...and he's just like "Uh...what?"
This woman seriously needs to grow up. She doesn't want to be your friend, she wants to cause trouble! Trust me, if you decide to keep ignoring her she will get worse before she gets better but she will eventually get the idea and stop bugging you. You just have to stick to your guns and not respond to anything. If she sends YOU something that needs to be addressed, just forward it to BF and continue ignoring her. In my experience, completely cutting off BM from communication with me is the ONLY thing that has helped give even an inch of progress. If the SKids bring her up in front of you of course follow the golden rule of stepmotherhood...always avoid speaking ill of their mother and be supportive and all that. We all know that children do indeed make their own observations, and I know it doesn't help you feel better now but they will eventually see the truth.
Hang in there, girl. Remember you have all of us here rooting for you!
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Verbally Supressed No More
Hi I am a lurker for two weeks and finaly decided to chime in. I came upon this site out of frustration in dealing w/biomom and the overall step parenting dogma. I'll save ~my story~ for another time. I finally had enough of being a step-other and a stepped-on. I opened my mouth and you know what I am not closing it. I have ignored the biomom and her manipulations for nearly 5 yrs. As a result I am surpressed, in thearpy, Xanax on as needed basis, yoga, and self hypnosis for relaxation. Enough already! This biomom is the typical textbook parent alienator in the PAS realm. With the help from this site I mustered the courage--- The other day I called her over for a chat and calmly defined her boundries told her to knock of the using the kids to communicate with their father , demanded that her and DH go to co-parenting classes and seek post marital counseling. I am done with this crap is not going to continue messing with our lives and that includes her poor kids that are still confused after 10 yrs of divorce and a 50/50 shared placement for just as long!! Yes bio-mom called DH immediatey after the conversation and was outraged with my suggestions.. all I can say is get used to it to it Honey. May not be the approach many take but the high road has afforded this woman to think she can run our household... she has been successful. I so feel like a cat that just marked her territory.. meow
sometimes blowing up and
sometimes blowing up and telling it as is to relieve your frustration and to send the truth out is good sometimes...so that everyone gets the damn picture of all that you've been through! it will open up their eyes and see why your behavior is just that. i've done it before and i felt so much better after that....outcome of it was good.
-happy mom
I dont know how it could get worse
so hopefully it will get better. DH and bio have a meeting tonight. She does not want to go into counseling but rather to try and talk it out. Well that is not going to work--it hasn't worked in 10yrs. She either hangs up or walks out. This woman is so in denial about the family dynamics it makes me scream. For example, I have observed that SD has unusually excessive amounts of anxiety (IBS, vomiting, situation avoidance). DH has discussed this with biomom she said no way, just teenage girl stuff. Well last night was conferences (mom did not go) SD report card straight A's one D- in speech class--she refuses to get up and do a speech. Last year straight A's, D- in gym-refused to participate in swimm class. This has been going on for years. Counseling is going to take place with or without biomom. Hopefully that will bring some good.
i'm glad you're going to put
i'm glad you're going to put effort into counseling and talking things out. some people walk away/hangs up to run away from situations because they are very unhappy w/their life; still has jealously issues; hasn't moved forward in their life; threatened by you; can't admit they are wrong...etc. in my situation ex has trouble discussing w/me in person but she would rather email me what she thinks. do what you can to help your husband and sd but don't over stress out on it.
-happy mom