Am I the only one
I came here to see if what I am feeling is normal or if others are going through the same thing. (Before anyone judges my next comments, please know that I acknowledge and and feel very ashamed for my selfishness) I do love his kids and they are good kids. I just dont want them over all the time, I find myself getting angry when my husband wants them to come over, I feel like I just tolerate them, When I spend time with them alone without my husband, I really enjoy thier company, but I feel like I am competing for his attention when they are around. There it is said. Please be honest but not mean in your responses. Thank you.
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You are not alone at all. I
You are not alone at all. I have SD15 that lives with us. She drives me crazy. I wish every single day that she will one day pack her bags and move far far away!!
Thank you for your response.
Thank you for your response. How do you deal with it? What does your husband say?
I pretend I like her. Its
I pretend I like her. Its been 5 years and at first she was his little princess that can do no wrong. Now he sees that she is very manipulative. Now I don't get involved with anything that has to do with her and I am less stressed. I do not discipline her, I don't make her do her homework, I don't tell her to go to bed. I leave it all up to him and that way I am not the evil stepmother and he has to deal with her crap all the time. It has stopped us from fighting about her. I do have to do some stuff for her but I have taken a huge step back and our relationship is better for it. Its taken years to get to this point and for him to open his eyes.
It sucks that it has to be
It sucks that it has to be like that, but if it helps your relationship that is good. I am glad they dont live with us, I am so miserable when they are there.
You will find the majority of
You will find the majority of people here will not only sympathize, but completely agree with you.
I personally really like spending time with my SDs. I believe I'm fortunate to not have a lot of issues with them (as compared to some posters here). I do still enjoy my free time though; and alone time with DH (as I think any parent/wife does .. even if the kids are her own).
Hang in there .. you've come to the right place
Hi thank you so much, even
Hi thank you so much, even though I am honest with my husband and can talk to him about most of it, I really dont say, I wish they wouldnt come over. I am glad there is this place I can vent and try to get to a better place with all of it.
I can understand that.
I can understand that. Perhaps it's the WAY you communicate to him. Instead of saying you don't want his kids there, maybe tell him you would like to spend more one-on-one time together and that it would mean a lot for you to have regular date nights.
You can always find other things to do when the skids are there too. Just because they're there, doesn't mean you have to be too. They're his kids, afterall, and it's his responsibility to spend time with them and entertain them.
I don't want DH's kids in my
I don't want DH's kids in my home, and I even like one of them. I don't compete for attention...they just really have no business here.
Welcome to the club! I never
Welcome to the club! I never see my skids but the majority of people on here feel the same way that you do.
Ha ha yep! I don't actively
Ha ha yep! I don't actively dislike his kids they aren't awful, but they have emotional issues and i dread spending time with them.
i do pretend to him that i enjoy spending time with them even organise day trips and activities to do together just to prove Im not avoiding them... but then i'll lay low for a few weeks and not spend any time with them. its alright while we don't live together but i dare say i'll have a few weekends at my mum when we do and its his time with them.
Hi Mommiedearest Welcome! I
Hi Mommiedearest
Welcome!
I feel the same as you. I get the feeling of dread when the skids come over and it also bugs me if/when he wants them more (I guess he needs more than just us eh?)
And yes, I enjoy their company when I am alone with them. Why do you ask? Because I am in control of the situation. I don't have to bite my tongue or leave the room like I do when DH is there. I'm not afraid of saying the wrong thing to the skids and having DH correct me. When DH isn't there, the skids will pay attention to me and listen to my opinion. It's not always "Daddy look at me!", etc.
But yes, I do like and care for my skids as well, and I do count down the hours, minutes, seconds till they go home.
Good to know I am not alone
Good to know I am not alone in how I feel. I just want to stop feeling this way.
Well, I'm finding that now
Well, I'm finding that now that they're 13stb14 and 11 1/2, they don't hang all over us as much, so they're a lot easier to "tolerate" than they were even a year ago.
And since the newness of my relationship with my DH has worn off somewhat, I don't find it as hard with them being around. When we were first together, it was really difficult, as it always felt like a competition. Now, four years later, I am much more secure in our relationship, so I don't feel the anxiety as much as I did before.
Good luck! You sound like a decent person.
I don't like SO's kids over
I don't like SO's kids over either. I dread it, every..single..time!
I don't hate them, they aren't bad kids. They just annoy me. I feel like they are invading our home. I don't compete with them as he loves to give me attention even more than his kids. But I just can't stand to be around them for too long without feeling aggravated.
He knows how I feel and he accepts it. He admitted if he was dating a woman with kids, he'd feel the same way..so he doesn't hold it against me.
So I just find other things to do so Im not around them as much. He can see his kids all he wants, he just has to expect to see less of me though.
It's really wierd after
It's really wierd after reading the responses i have gotten, to think I was the only one. I do have it pretty good, my husband is so understanding, but at the same time, he wants to have them more. He feels stuck and I feel guilty, but for some reason I cannot find my way out of feeling this way. I am glad I found this site. Thank you for your response.
There is absolutely nothing
There is absolutely nothing wrong about how you are feeling. The whole fucking world comes to a stop when the skids enter the picture. We can't have a weekend without going to some game on our time "off". DH calls skids when he can't go to their games...it just makes me ill.
Read Stepmonster by Wednesday Martin, you'll get additional validation reading it.
Sorry...I'm just in a foul
Sorry...I'm just in a foul mood :sick:
Everyone has there ups and
Everyone has there ups and downs. I think the biggest problem is that the husbands think that now they have a new family that everyone will embrace the "whole" family all the time. Because, why not... He see's nothing wrong with his kids. They are his... But the real issue is that you still need your time with him. Your, home life. Good luck.
Thank you to everyone for
Thank you to everyone for your comments and support. I really appreciate it. I am in a unique situation to begin with - So since none of you know me personally, I feel like maybe i can be brave enough to share my background. I feel like maybe I approched this backwards, but the skid issue is still very real and hard.
The Back Story:
I have a had a relationship with the skids since they were born, how? Because I was initially in a relationship with thier uncle, my now husbands brother. I was in that relationship for about 7 years off and on, he was very abusive and one night he was strangling me and his brother (my husband) busted in the door and fought him off of me, and I can honestly say he saved my life, i was already unconscience when my husband got there. The Ex is now in prison for an assault on another woman he was cheating on me with. Thier family including my husband were always afraid for me and told me I should leave him. I never ever expected to fall in love with my husband,much less marry him. We now also have an issue with his whole family they hate me and have pretty much disowned my husband. My husand wants to try and mend the relationship with his family, and I think they would be willing, but the condition would be that he not bring me around. Putting this in writing does make me see how others would look at our situation. I think that my issue is that I now have a husband that is very loving, caring and attentive, and I dont want to share him with anyone. I know I HAVE to get through the issue with the kids, because I love my husband and want him to be happy, I am just stuck in my selfishness. Not sure if I am really looking for feedback or if I just need to get all of this out. I guess it would be helpful to know how others view this situation. BTW the skids mother and I are friends, she and my husband were only together briefly, and according to her their is no love lost what-so-ever for her, she says she is thankful that it is me that ended up being thier step mom. My husband feels the same way toward her. Thank you all for listening.