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mixedup's picture

Submitted by mixedup on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 8:47pm

Well it looks like I am getting divorced, it is my first and I am so upset but just can't go on this way. I feel stupid because there were things I accepted that I never should have. My h. Just lives to get high, that is all he wants to do. It cost him his first marriage too, which is how I am a stepmom. I can't stand SD 21 but it doesn't matter now.

We have been married 9 years, together 11. He used to earn a lot in the beginning, but that didn't last long. We have tons of debt, all in my name, I refused to take on more eventually but can't get out because a. He doesn't contribute much and b. He spends all he gets on that fake weed, that is what is finally the last f'ING straw with me.

We live in my house and have had daily screaming fights our entire marriage. He ruins every holiday and special event with his horrible personality and addiction. He calls me horrible names because I asked him to take the dog out. I have asked him to leave many times but he won't. I am so stressed out I can't take it anymore.

So I have no money but from what I read I need an attorney. The only way I know to get him out is to call the cops on him, that just seems so trashy but I know my neighbors hear everything anyway. He is threatening me with putting photos of my poor housekeeping on the internet?? if that tells you his mindset, and also tell my family and coworkers what I have said about them, if I tell anyone he is still a drug addict.

I feel like this could be the end of everything I have worked so hard for, but I refuse to put up with this any more. I have been so depressed about this for years, so no, I am not betty crocker. We have no kids together. Should I dump him???

Comments

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 9:15pm

:jawdrop: you really don't need to ask...I can't imagine putting up with all of that especially if I didn't have kids with him...move on...

StepToBe's picture

Submitted by StepToBe on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 9:22pm

Leave! And before you do, take some pictures of him smoking pot and let him post picture of "your" poor housekeeping on the internet (What? He doesn't have to lift a finger around the house?). When he posts them, post a link to the pictures of him smoking pot and add a comment that you've been so busy cleaning up after the pothead, the rest of the housework suffers.

dreamingofhappiness's picture

Submitted by dreamingofhappiness on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 9:23pm

You apparently have a lot of strength in you for putting up with it for so long. Yes, You do need an atorney, but I would first start by calling the cops to protect you. Get a CPO. Get him out of your life and out of your house.

Keep your head up and stay strong. You will feel so much better in the long run if you start taking pride in you. and it all starts with getting him out.

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 10:49pm

Yes. And your mind is set. This action will be what you have earned from what you have worked so hard for. You will see it after the fog is lifted.

reluctantgma's picture

Submitted by reluctantgma on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:04pm

Yup, get a protective order. Should be easy peazy given his substance abuse. I guess things might vary some from state to state, but I didn't have to call the cops to get one against my ex-h. You just go down to the court house and file the forms, state why you don't feel safe with this person. It goes before the judge from there. Your husband will be served. Might be a good idea for you to get out of the house for however long it takes between him being served and the court date. In the mean time, scrape any change you have together and buy a new set of locks.

emotionaly beat up's picture

Submitted by emotionaly beat up on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 3:36am

Sorry, but I have to agree with everyone else here. He sounds quite nasty and you have suffered enough.

It is a very hard decision to make, and it is very hard to do, but trust me, once you have made the decision and got him out of your life, you will be so much better off, and you will feel so much better in yourself.

You have given this man 11 years of your life, don't give him 11 seconds more, you deserve so much better, and once you take the steps to getting him our of your life I am sure you will feel far happier.

Look, I don't know you or your husband so telling you to get rid of him is easy for me, but I am not being flipant about this, I honestly think you need to take steps to give yourself a better life, but if you feel unsafe or at risk then you need to make sure that you have back up and support when you make your move.

I wish I could help you through this difficult time, I feel for you. I wish you all the very best, and happiness in your future.

giveitago's picture

Submitted by giveitago on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 4:15am

It's become a 'way of life' for you and the worse it got the worse you felt, right? I am so pleased you found some support, I agree with the other posters and you deserve way better than this. A restraining order is the way to go, court house, papers served. It's a difficult situation and you will need to muster up courage and faith. May I suggest that you eat well, get sufficient sleep and stay hydrated so you are at optimum physical strength to deal with the demands on you physically, this crap takes it's toll! Do you have friends and relatives nearby? Get all your ducks in a row my friend. Save up some cash...tell him he spent it all yesterday and the day before! Hide it somewhere in the yard, he might well ransack the place searching for loose change, it might be a good idea to leave loose change lying around so he can snag it and get his fake weed. While you are doing this be preparing your mind for the day he leaves. Keep strong!
I am addicted to coffee and cigarettes...I am not sure if, or how, I'll cope deprived of them! Addiction is a terrible thing, it controls the person and I suggest you get counselling after the event. I just know you are going to breathe a huge sigh once he's gone but you still need to deal with your feelings afterwards. You are probably going to question your own self, no matter how any of us here urge you not to. Once he's gone he cannot use your resources so he'll probably go to his daughter, how far away does she live? When she's had enough then friends, and finally he'll hit rock bottom and get help.
You MUST stay strong though, ignore his pleas for help. Call the cops if he's within the stated distance of YOUR home.

Be sure to check and RENEW a restraining order too...I heard somewhere that they have an expiration date, I might be wrong?

Consider this, you are in fact HELPING him to see what's really going on, what monster is controlling him. He's not going to realize it quite yet but you are doing both of you a favor by making him leave.

Doubletakex3's picture

Submitted by Doubletakex3 on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 4:02pm

Addiction is a disease of selfishness. I'm guessing you haven't gotten anything of value out of this relationship in a very long time. Life will be so much easier without the stress of living with a chronically irresponsible adult. Take care of yourself ... the other posters have given you great advice. You are stronger than you can imagine. Get the wrong train out of the station so you can move on to a happier place. You deserve it.