Update on “you want to spilt it with me?”

Well.... BM didn't actually buy it for her... why?? We think she didn't want to spend the $17.40 in sales tax on top of the cost of $275.

Now yesterday SD told SO that she was still trying to find it cheaper and if she was going to "spend" that money she would have gotten her something more sentimental. Aka some cheap thing on Amazon because let's not forget... she asked SO to split this ONE cost.

Today.. She sent SD a text saying not to tell the boys since they never got that kind of gift from her. Then she Apple cashed her the $275.

BMs text message following her sending SD the money..........................

"I'm going to go throw up now."

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL F!! WHO SAYS THAT??!! She has had zero obligation for her kids in over 10 years!! Has cooked them 1 f'n meal in 5 YEARS!! We were in the car together while this was happening because we had just left her game. (BM wasn't at her game) SO started laughing and said how he should be vomiting everyday then..... I was like... wtf... I asked SD how she feels (SD isn't very open emotionally but is very smart and "gets" it) she said it's annoying because she hasn't done anything.. I said to her as she gets older she will learn how to navigate her relationship with BM but (something I've said a ton of times) never let her make you feel guilty.

I mean FFS... just ANOTHER thing she made about HER!

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WOW!

I feel so bad for SD, that is such a crap thing for her BM to do! I get it's a decent amount of $$. I hated buying my DD's softball bat, that mofo was $500! Competitive sports aren't cheap but I sure as hell would rather buy that than have a kid with no motivation!

I'm sure SD will remember who was there and who really supported her (I'm not talking about money) and who gaslit and guilted her.

That's it... it's not even

That's it... it's not even about the money too. It's about making all of them feel bad for her no matter what the situation. After we ate last night we went and bought her stick and I covered the 17.40 for the tax... She joked if I was going to throw up at the register.

She went on to say how BM (she tells her things she shouldn't and it's always about herself) how they transferred their cats registration into their new state so they don't have to pay car taxes...how she was mad she wasn't getting raise.. like whattt .... why are you talking to her about this...

So mature BM, so mature.

I hope your SD is able to not give too much credit for BM's words.

I don't think she does.

That is so gross to me. I

That is so gross to me. I have a sister-in-law whose parents (with good intentions) would talk ad nauseum to her about how much things cost, what a sacrifice it was for them to buy her and her siblings things, etc etc. I think they meant to inspire her to be frugal and financially responsible, but it saddled her with so much guilt and paranoia around money that it took her until her mid 30s (and lots of therapy) to be able to actually enjoy even the smallest comforts that her substantial income could provide. It was incredibly sad to watch her struggle with feeling like she'd been such a burden to her parents.

In your SD's situation, I can't even imagine how bad it would feel to think that your mother thought you were a drain on her financially AND to also know in reality that she didn't even do anything for you. I really hope she doesn't take it to heart.

I know it bothers her... I

I know it bothers her... I really don't get how she can morally go around saying the stuff she does to them... she seems to not be able to have any type of normally conversation with the kids.. Makes it about her...almost every single time... makes them feel guilty... or any other mind f she can think of...

I said to SO what is her ultimate goal...?? He thinks just to deflect anything on her. Which I agree with.. but I think she is textbook she just wanted mini extensions of herself and for the kids to chase her for her attention.

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