About to lose it.
Ok, so tell me if I am out of line here. People involved are my husband, sd10, ss9 and bd5. My to step kids are constantly hitting eachother and my daughter has picked up this habbit as well. Last week we decided to come down on the kids for hitting with time outs. I have corrected my bd twice on this and punished her. This morning his kids are bashing the hell out of eachother. My husband walks right by and says nothing. I yell at the kids to both go in the dining room. SS9 starts crying that he got hurt and I said "I don't care, in the dining room" I walk out of the kitchen and I see him walking out of the dining room and I SCREAMED,"in the dining room" Now keep in mind this kid crys at the drop of hat so his crying doesn't worry me at all. My husband comes rushing out of the bedroom and tells me to watch my voice. Are you F(((*(*&& kidding me. I told him to fuck off and walked away. Later when I calmed down I told him I do not want you discplining my daughter and I will not discpline your kids. EVER> This is such complete and utter bullshit. I am going to disengage, didn't want to but I will end up hating my husband if I don't.
- misguided's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I get the frustration, but
I get the frustration, but if you disengage, your daughter will still see the hitting and will start hitting too. Why not just keep up with the time-outs until it stops? Why doesn't DH step in to help discipline?
He said he didn't notice it.
He said he didn't notice it. He could walk by a freight train and not notice it. He tends to zone out. I think if you want to be a parent you have to be there in the moment physically as well as mentally. I am not a big, gotta be with the kids all the time but when I am, I am there. I don't know what to do but you have a good point about the hitting continuing. Thanks for the feedback
Your DH needs to be smacked
Your DH needs to be smacked with a wet trout. He MUST be united with you in the discipline of ALL of the children. I think BitchBitchBarbie has some extras in her freezer.
We went through five years of hell because FH and I couldn't agree on discipline. All of the kids' behaviours went unchecked and my daughter was traumatized. Now we're paying for it dearly.
I don't think you're out of line at all. I would have told him to F*CK off too. And maybe ignored him for a few days after that, just for good measure.
Tell him if he had paid
Tell him if he had paid attention to his children you wouldn't have had to yell at them. If you disengage, and he zones out, nothing will get resolved. Talk about with him that he needs to back you up, not scold you....save that for his kids.
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
He is just walking away from
He is just walking away from his responsibilities as a father!! tell him to man up and take responsability for ALL of his children instead of leaving it all to you!!! It just sounds like he wants you to do all of the parenting, and yes as Mothers we tend to do most of it, but he has to do it if he is there, if there is a united front from the two of you, they will know you are serious about household rules and discipline!!!!
Thanks everyone. It just
Thanks everyone. It just really get to me how he can be so blind. These kids are turning into nightmares and there is no one to blame but him and his ex. It's like watching a train wreck, you know you shouldn't but you can't look away. I would bet 1000.00 that his daughter will be pregnant by 15 and the boy will be be ridiculed in school because he acts like such a girl. I don't get it, I know he loves them, how can he let them turn out this way?
The thing i dislike the most
The thing i dislike the most about disengaging is I'm very firm with my son and he gets plenty of discipline...SD on the other hand,does not get any discipline. Her father is too scared to hurt her feelings and he's too scared to make her unhappy. So my son has to see SD getting away with murder while he can't get away with anything. That's the negative to disengaging.
What you have to remember is so many men are completely unobservant of their own world they just walk along with blinders on and let the world be what it is. He isn't "letting" them turn out this way as much as he feels like he can't control that they've turned out this way. he is taking the smoothest path for himself when dealing with these children. Don't hate your husband...i know this is condescending but instead of hating him, feel pity for him. i say this because it's so much healthier for me to look at my husband and say to myself "oh you poor man. you can't control anything in your life except your penis!" it sounds goofy but trust me it SO works to do the pity train instead of the hate train when dealing with your husband. You have to learn to ignore A LOT of stuff when you're the second wife.
good luck with you disengaging honey...I can't say it's for everyone but it has made huge improvements in my life so I really hope this tactic works for you. if it doesn't, we'll all sit around and brainstorm some more ideas on how to get through this mess babe!
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland