Hi All,

Long time no post

I have been reading and keeping up with you all from time to time, unfortunately I have unable to offer advice, my situation as a SM hasn't really given me ANY experience whatsoever! However, I need to vent, for my own personal sanity!

So, we haven't seen SS in lets say, 12 months. No thats a lie, my SO saw him last Christmas, and a few sports matches in between. I have physically laid eyes on him maybe twice in 12 months, and only because FMiL has organised stuff and he's been with them. He has seen his baby sister maybe 3 times since she was born in Feb. In the mean time, BM has applied and received full CS as in, she has him 7 days a week, 365 days a year and wants SO to pay for it. And yeah I get it, from one point of view, she does have him all the time, he wont stay with us at all, but on the flip side its not from SO's lack of trying to get him to stay. Can anyone say PAS?

Anyway, my SO has been messaging him both in TXT and FB and he very rarely gets a response, I know it upsets him but he doesnt usually say much. So my parents are not as young as they used to be, they called myself and my siblings (and partners) weeks ago, to come help them do a few things around the house that they needed help with, it was set for last Sunday. Anyway, lo and behold, SS finally deigns to respond to SO, with a txt that says "Sports 10:10" thats it. No "hi dad, can you please take me to sports its at 10:10" no niceties whatsoever. Now bearing in mind that we already have plans to help my parents out, they wanted to get an early start as the oven needed fixing and my mum wanted to make christmas cakes and puddings which requires the oven, which my SO was going to fix. So we were at my BS9 sporting event when the txt comes through, and SO asks me what time we are going to my parents, I say supposed to be earlyish, mum has stuff to do and needs the oven, but its no biggy, I will just call her and tell her we will be late. SO then goes into a rant asking why they need help and why they couldnt do it themselves etc, and basically verbally attacking me and what if his mum called a working bee, after answering his questions calmly and him repeating himself over and over, I finally lost my shit, told him his parents would be out of luck as he is an only child, called him an arsehole and told him to shove his help where the sun dont shine. I'm like WTF?? Why did he get so nasty and defensive? Just cos SS finally decided he was worthy of taking him to sports? And it got me to thinking, why all of a sudden is SO worthy of SS's time? The answer is, SS's birthday is this month, and then Christmas next month. Thats such a cynical outlook and so totally not me but anyway.........

So he gets up and goes to sports as arranged I get my BS's and BD ready to go and get in the shower and thats when it hit me, we have been engaged for close to 18mths. (When we first got engaged he only told his mum and his best mate, no one else. He says it was no one elses business, yeah ok, now I feel like a dirty little secret!!) No mention of an engagement party, he isnt interested, and no signs of wanting to set a date, so my epiphany is that we will never get married and that upset me a little. Then I started to wonder if I really wanted to be married to him or not, and whether I really want to stay with him period. I have taken my ring off until I come to a decision. I have trust issues with him, we met online and at the start when we made our relationship official in the Jan of that year, I found out by April that he was still on the sites and still chatting to other women. He assured me that he hadnt physically met anyone blah blah, roll on to Dec of the same year and I am hospitalised with PE on the lungs. Find out Christmas night, he is doing it again. After telling him to pack his shit and fuck off, he begs me to hear him out. We sort that out, now I have little trust in him, but he is willing to be an open book in the hopes of gaining my trust. Thats fine, life goes on with no more relationship issues, and the trust is starting to build, until this week. I use an app on his phone to check up on him from time to time, just to make sure he is where he says he's going to be. I dont do it all the time, just when something is feeling a little off. So something is feeling a little off on Monday, so I check, thats fine, I'm telling my bestie about my feeling and the app and she sympathises etc, then Tuesday he has deleted the app! Ok I shouldnt be checking up on him anyway, but he didnt know I was using the app that way.......something fishy going on I say. So I talk to my bestie on Wednesday and say that he deleted the app, she says thats weird. Txt her yesterday and no reply.......we are supposed to go to her place tomorrow night for dinner, wondering if I should cancel........... I dont think she would have said anything, its not like her to get involved, I think the two events happening around the same time is coincidence, then why not answer my txt from yesterday? And why did he delete the app?

WTF is going on with my life ATM, have I entered the twilight zone?

Sorry guys, didnt realise it was going to be this long!