BM's schedule: the daily plight of a poor single mother
DH and I having been talking about having a baby, so I started to think about how we'd have to change our schedules when I realized how ridiculous BM's schedule is as a so-called single mother.
Monday though Friday
630AM: BM gets SS5 out of bed and leaves SS2 asleep because she "can't handle" both of them at the same time.
She dresses SS5 and gives him a poptart. Then she dresses SS2 while he's still in the crib half asleep.
650AM: my DH picks the kids up and BM does whatever the hell it is she does before work.
WHAT SHE HASN'T DONE:
brushed their teeth
brushed their hair
bathed them
made sure their shoes are on the right feet
fed them real food
So, from 7AM until 3 o'clock BM works. For some reason, she needs an hour and a half to screw around after work before she can pick up the kids at 430 (and usually she doesn't make it until close to five).
Around 5PM, BM shows up at our house and picks up the kids. She takes them to Burger King. Then she takes them home and watches Survivor, the Bachelor, and other reality shows with them.
At 8PM, she puts them to bed and forbids SS5 from coming out of his room at all for any reason, which is why we're still paying for night time diapers (we have them from Friday morning until Tuesday morning every other weekend).
Every other weekend, she keeps the kids on Saturday and Sunday for the entire day, and on those days she generally drops them off at DH's sister's house.
WHAT SHE HASN'T DONE:
applied medication to SS5's raging eczema
taken SS5 to school
packed SS5 a lunch for school
picked SS5 up from school
fed SS2 about fifteen different meals
clipped their toenails
cleaned their ears
cut their hair
told them not to hit each other
done SS5's homework with him
So, this POOR OVERBURDENED SINGLE MOTHER takes care of her kids for a total of 20 minutes in the morning and 3 hours at night, and then for 48 hours every other weekend.
We have them the rest of the time. But hey, she's the primary caretaker. It doesn't matter that I'm spend more time with her two year old than she does. It doesn't matter that she doesn't even do the stuff she's supposed to do during "her" time periods and we end up packing lunch at the last minute, brushing SS5's teeth and feeding SS2 breakfast.
What matters is that they fell out of her vagina.
DH even offered her weekends so that she could spend some actual time with the boys, and she said she needed the weekends for herself.
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Comments
oh, and I forgot. SHE GETS
oh, and I forgot.
SHE GETS OFF WORK AT NOON ON WEDNESDAYS.
But she's too busy to get her kids then. She needs 4.5 hours to get her nails done.
I'd be too embarrased to have
I'd be too embarrased to have someone come pick up my kids in the shape she turns them over to your DH in.
My 2 oldest kids get themselves ready and get on the bus with no assistance from me other than I make breakfast for them every day and pack their lunch/make sure they have lunch money. They're in middle school, so they "don't need me wipin' their bums".
However my other 4, ages 9, 8, 5, and almost 2, ALL GIRLS, get up at 7. I get the older 3 showered, the youngest changed, all hair dried, fixed, all teeth brushed, and all dressed appropriately, make breakfast, and this time of year get the 3 school agers in full snow gear before 8:20. I'm not a single mom, but there is no one here to help me in the morning.
I can't imagine what this idiot does with all that spare time. Boy, my head would explode if I watched 3 hours of television a day. I can't remember the last time I watched a movie other than in my room in my bed after lights out time at night on a weekend.
What a lazy whore.
I don't have any bios yet, so
I don't have any bios yet, so sometimes I'm tempted to believe BM's complaints about HOW HARD it is to take care of the boys. Thanks for posting what a real mother's schedule is like. It really helps to have something to compare to.
Frankly, I'm sort of dumbfounded by the whole thing. She used to send them over in their pajamas without breakfast at all. Now, she's managed to start sending them in clothes with a pop tart, but that is honestly all she does for these kids.
And the court system is helping her do this. It's so bizarre.
Yep, definately another
Yep, definately another entitlement breeder or prostitute on the womb rental installment plan.
You and your DH will be subsidizing her life for another 16yrs minimum. Get used to it at lease until you get enough information to go after full custody.
Then, just maybe, the shoe will be on the other foot and she will pay YOU for what you are already doing.
I keep telling myself to get
I keep telling myself to get use to it, and then she does something crazy and I'm furious all over again.
We are trying to collect evidence of her neglect, but our judge keeps blowing us off. He has literally left DH in the courtroom with BM's lawyer and told them to work it out during a hearing (no idea what he went to go do).
She doesn't do those things,
She doesn't do those things, because she knows you will.
If the kids were in daycare, she wouldn't pull that crap. If she did, they would call ACS on her.
Why are you sitting for her?
For some reason, the state
For some reason, the state rules require DH to split child care with her. So, if we weren't taking care of the kids we'd be spending upwards of a couple hundred dollars on a sitter every month, which we can't afford right now.
I also hate the idea of SS2 being raised in daycare.
I have really been thinking about calling ACS though. This situation is getting pretty unbelievable.
I'm really upset about the
I'm really upset about the arrangement. Last time we went to court, DH tried to get reimbursement for the time we take care of the skids, and BM's lawyer claimed they would count the reimbursement as additional income and then drive up CS accordingly.
Last year, they spent more time in daycare, but the cost was killing us. We have to pay half of daycare charges no matter what (not sure why) so it's cheaper for us to just keep them during those time periods.
The judge has really made
The judge has really made this possible for BM. Originally, she was supposed to pick the kids up at 4. She was always late, and DH brought that up in court, so instead of setting up consequences, the judge just moved the time back to 4:30 for her. Now, she's showing up around 5, and I have no doubt the judge will just move the time back to 5:30 when we bring it up in court.
The judge has also ordered DH to pick the kids up in the morning. No other daycare system on the planet is expected to go pick up kids in the morning at their homes (and we are basically a daycare system for BM).
I feel like BM's effing maid.
We have told her she needs to
We have told her she needs to show up on time a billion times, but it is an empty threat. What can we do if she doesn't show up on time? Nothing. We can't keep the kids overnight. We can't charge her. What do we do when she is late for 60th time?
We are totally being used,
We are totally being used, but the judge won't spend the five minutes it takes to look at her schedule in order to see that. Seriously. When DH brought up the issue in court, the judge asked her why she was doing that. BM simply said she needed the extra time for work, and the judge accepted it on the spot. He didn't ask for paperwork or evidence or anything. He just pushed back the time for her.
Unfortunately, caring more
Unfortunately, caring more about someone elses child then they do sucks. They are so young and you clearly see how much damage BM is doing to them and the court system is helping her do it!! Ugh, frustrating to say the least. However, what YOU can do about the situation is treat these kids like they are your own (if you have no intention of disengaging that is) and hope they turn out semi-ok because of the way you helped raise them.
It really does suck. Luckily,
It really does suck. Luckily, the skids spend most of their time with us, so they are pretty well behaved, fun kids, especially if they haven't been around BM for a while (our weekends are generally awesome).
SS5 has recently started telling me he loves me, which is great and I guess it lets me know that I am doing a good job with them so far. However, I'm really scared that BM will turn them against me eventually in one of her crusades against our household. It's a really scary place to be.