6:30 AM: BM asks me to comb SS's hair because she doesn't have time.
DH had to go out of town this morning, so I have inherited his responsibilities and apparently BM's as well. :?
I had to pick up the boys at BM's at 6:30 because she can't be bothered to drop SS5 off at school.
It's 27 degrees and she makes me wait twelve minutes to even open the door.
Then SS5 opens the door and his hair is sticking out EVERYWHERE, his jacket is covered in some weird white stuff, and he hasn't brushed his teeth. And his jacket is unzipped as well, in 27 degree windy-a$$ weather.
SS2 looks like he has just crawled out of bed. As usual.
BM comes to the door, looks at me, and instead of saying thanks or good morning or whatever a normal person would say, she says this:
"Can you comb SS5's hair before he goes to school?"
SS5 is looking up at me with an oddly hopeful expression.
"No problem," I say.
COMB is not the word. He looks like he's been electrocuted.
On the way back home, I find out that SS2 had yet another effing poptart for breakfast and SS5 had a granola bar. SS5 informs me that I need to check his backpack because he doesn't think his mom packed a lunch for him. Then he tells me he forgot to brush his teeth, aka, BM didn't tell him to.
So, of course, I ten thousand things to do today, and instead I get to brush the kids teeth and do their hair and give them more food because they're starving as usual.
The miracle of the day: BM actually packed SS5 a lunch for school. The funny/sad thing is that SS5 is so use to her "forgetting" that he didn't believe me when I said BM remembered to pack one.
Ughhh.
Before I get torn apart for doing any of this, I love the kids and I don't want them to suffer because of BM's insanity. I know that's exactly how she manages to get by with all this crap, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't be pissed about it either.
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Oh, it's constant with her.
Oh, it's constant with her. The kids are usually a wreck when we get them. I'd actually prefer it if we had them spend the night because we wouldn't be in such a hurry in the morning and I wouldn't have to see BM's ridiculous face EVERY SINGLE DAY.
The CO is basically the bane of my existence right now. Our judge is the sleaziest more self obsessed lazy sack of sh!t I have ever met.
I guess the problem is that she has a rough morning EVERY MORNING. If she manages to pack lunch, they haven't brushed their hair. If they've brushed their hair, they haven't brushed their teeth. If they brushed their teeth, she hasn't packed a lunch.
There has not been a single day since SS5 started school that we haven't had to take up the slack for BM.
And while I am mad that she does this to DH every morning, I thought (idiotically) that she would do her job when it meant that a person who is not even biologically related to her or the kids would have to take up the slack. I thought she'd be embarrassed or something.
No. She's totally cool with it.
thanks for the sympathy. i do
thanks for the sympathy. i do think it sucks really bad. at this point, i think we would be better off if we moved away from the kids because the judge would not be able to force us to babysit for free.
BM is such a freaking loser. Even her FIVE YEAR OLD knows she can't pack a peanut butter sandwich for his lunch. It's so ridiculous.
Sometimes I think about telling DH we should stop keeping the kids for the extra time and force BM to take responsibility, but then she'd just stuff them in daycare and we'd be court ordered to pay half the cost, which we can't afford.
it's just insane. it's pure insanity at this point.
we have thought about
we have thought about petitioning for a new judge, but we are in a very conservative "traditional" region, and DH's legal counsel has said that any judge we get will be just as bad if not worse. there's only four judges in this city. one of them is so bad that a pissed off lawyer hit him with his car after court. this happened just weeks ago, and that judge is famous for giving the mother full custody basically no matter what.
Running late is right, taking
Running late is right, taking 12 minutes to open the door. I guess that is when she was issuing out the poptarts and granolla bars.
Look, having the kids stay with you when you have to get them to school would make it easier on you in some respects, but it would also make it more difficult in others and it would add to your workload too.
I don't think you are looking for advice or answers here, I think you were just pissed off because of what happened, and that my dear is what makes you human, we would all be pissed off being used like that.
It does not matter if this was a one off thing or if BM makes a habit of it, the fact is YOU are doing BM and BF a huge favour here, yes you do it because you love your husband, but that still makes it a favour to him. These kids have two parents, that's all any of us get, but you have stepped in and they now have all the benefits of an extra pair of hands for which they should both be grateful (not saying your husband is not but just saying they should both be grateful and appreciative.
Leaving you standing at the door for 12 minutes, giving you the job of cleaning them up and getting them off to school, without a word of thanks sucker, I get why you are pissed. Your DH I hope appreciates that you did this for him and the kids and I hope he appreciates how lucky his kids are that you did brush their teeth and make sure they had lunch etc.,
You had a right to be pissed as I said even if it was a once off thing, she needed to say sorry for keeping you waiting at the door and thank you for taking the kids to school.
thanks. this is exactly how i
thanks. this is exactly how i feel. i feel like a maid. i think that BM even fancies the idea that i am her maid in some way. that is how she treats me. she is always asking me and DH to do basic stuff for her kids because she is too lazy to wake up 20 minutes early and do it herself.
she is basically living the life of an 18th century aristocrat with DH as the wet nurse and me as the nanny.
and the judge is enforcing it.
i feel like i've fallen into a different dimension.
BM is enjoying her power trip
BM is enjoying her power trip at the moment. You get to enjoy watching the Karma bus hit her one day.
i'm crossing my fingers for
i'm crossing my fingers for the karma bus to hit sooner rather than later. this stuff is making me nuts.
sorry to hear you went
sorry to hear you went through this mess too. it defies reality.
we've been trying to get the CO changed for over three years and the judge keeps putting us off with random excuses. he's literally left the room during court and told DH to just "work it out" with BM's lawyer. he's told DH that his argument and BM's argument cancel each other--which magically meant no extra paperwork for the judge. he has pretty much exposed himself as a lazy jerk who is doing everything possible to avoid extra paperwork.
We have the kids for ten hours a day every day. They only spend four full days with their mother per month. But the judge keeps insisting that BM is the primary custodian.
EWWW FLASHBACKS!! I was
EWWW FLASHBACKS!! I was always assigned the job of "fixing" VD's hair per GG. It's a mass of thick wavy matted/tangled hair. The Behemoth never did a THING with it and just let her put it back in a rudimentary pony tail which she STILL does to this day at age 13. I guess that was part of me being a "mean" evil stepmom. I would spray on the de tangler spray and start to comb and style. VD would have a fit and I'm sure the Behemoth thought that VD should just go walking around with that tangled matted up mess thrown back in a loose ponytail. ((SHIVER)) Behemoth was too lazy and would never make her precious angels do anything they didn't WANT to do (reflected in their grades to this day)
yeah . . . i'm sure that BM
yeah . . . i'm sure that BM will have a fit over the way I did SS5's hair today. She always makes him look like some kind of pumpkin patch kid with straight-across bangs. I think it looks ridiculous, so I textured it and swept it to the side so it looked sort of spiky.
no doubt he'll have some story to tell me about how his hair isn't supposed to look that way.
Can you say you will not take
Can you say you will not take them in the mornings if they can't spend the night? It isn't fair to the kids let alone you!!!
that's what i think, but the
that's what i think, but the judge knows he'd have to change the paperwork if we had the boys overnight, so he won't do it. i am seriously starting to HATE our judge.