Almost anytime the topic of parenting teens is part of conversation, the adage, "choose your battles wisely" is declared in a very wise way.

However, many people who say it don't really seem to have an idea of how to go about doing that....

When I was a very young mother, I thought about the battles that I would fight. When my firstborn was about 10, I discussed it with her for the first time. And I reserved the right to add other issues to the list if I see fit.

My list is simple but thorough. These are the battles I will fight, and I will fight them to the death. Other issues may arise and I will offer suggestions and guidance, but I will not let these issues cause a rift in the relationship. My kids know these are the battles I fight. They are posted in my home. Occasionally, DD will say, "Is this really one of the battles?" Sometimes I think & say no & drop it. Other times I explain why it is one of those battles. And she says "oh" and listens and knows why the line is drawn. It is helpful for communication.

I've been asked a few times to share my list:

The Battles I will ALWAYS fight:

1- Relationship with GOD.

2- Health & Safety

3- Purity

4- Family

5- Honest, respectful communication

6- Education

So....... examples of battles..... will I fight it?

Clean room- NO, unless it is so filthy as to become a danger of giving someone a Staph infection.

Taking an escort to the ball- NO

Telling a person who hurt you that you are hurt and why- YES- Learning how to communicate hurt feelings respectfully and set clear boundaries is a necessary life skill, and will cause a child much heartache & inability to maintain relationships if s/he doesn't learn it.

Forgiving the person who hurt- YES- It is a clear spiritual law unforgiveness causes spiritual damage.

Body piercing- NO as long as it is done in a sanitary, professional location.

Hair style or coloring- NO as long as it doesn't interfere with education by causing expulsion.

Style of clothing- NO

So, what battles do you think are worth fighting and which are OK to let go?