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Wits End?

Lilmomz3's picture

I've been with my partner 5 years, living together 3. I have 3 kids and he has 1. Our boys are close in age, 8 and 9. I figured after 3 years he'd have fallen in line with the rules of our home. Nope! He's obnoxious, entitled, rude, disrespectful, the list goes on. Recently, while playing his iPad (which he's addicted to because it's been his babysitter since birth), he screams "WHAT THE F@$K!!" His dad literally pretended not to hear him so I told him he's a child and children shouldn't use that language especially in MY home (paraphrasing). Today, I'm watching television in the living room while he's playing in the bedroom. I cuss and he screamed for me to stop cussing. So basically he can scream WTF at 9 but I, the bill paying adult, cannot? I tell his dad he needs to speak to him because he doesn't run the household and should not be telling me what to do. His dad told him he shouldn't be in adult business and the boy redirected the conversation as if his father hadn't said a thing and his father followed suit. My kids aren't perfect but their respectful and follow rules. This kid is spoiled rotten and a brat. He throws tantrums like a baby, kicking and screaming and hitting his father. He lives with us full time and his mother along with his dad's family aren't the best influences. However, I don't care. He needs to follow the rules when he's home. Once upon a time, I thought I loved him like my own. I can't stand even looking at him most days. My son leaves rice on the table and has to clean up after himself. He leaves rice and his father cleans up after him. He doesn't like school. He cheats off my son. His father thinks he's going to get by in life off his charm and good looks, except at 9 he's no longer charming or cute. He's a pest. His mom is an absolute douche. She tried attacking me. She only sees her son because it's court ordered and even then she tried to relinquish her rights. The child lawyer fought for her to have some shared rights. My boyfriend's family hates me so they're amused by his bad behavior and encourage it. My son is humble and quiet and he appears to be jealous of my son. I can go on and on but bottom line is I may leave my relationship because I foresee this brat getting worse. I have 2 teenagers that I don't worry about. I definitely don't want to be worried about one who isn't mine. Especially when dad turns a blind eye to everything he does. I hate to say I hate him but I HATE HIM!! 

Comments

Aunt Agatha's picture

At the wrong person.  Your real problem is not the kid.  It's your DH.  Your ire needs to be directed towards him.  The kid is only doing what his dad is allowing.

Look up disengaging on this site.  Stop doing for the kid and instead make him dear ol dad's problem. He's the parent, not you.  So he needs to 100% deal with his offspring.

justmakingthebest's picture

I have to agree with Aunt Agatha here. This is 100% a partner problem. 

Kids will push boundaries, you are a mom you know that. You just made sure that your kids always knew where that boundary was and they know better than to cross you or it. 

If your SS's dad doesn't give a flying F that his kid is a lazy, entitled brat- NOTHING will ever change. NOTHING will ever get better. You have teenagers, you know that it will get worse. The question you have to ask yourself is do you want to continue to live like this? Do you think you can keep going with SS in your home for another 10+ years. That is a Looonnnggg time to be miserable in your own home. 

You can jump up and down and fight with your partner and try to get him to be a better parent, but the end result will be what it is now unfortunately. It is hard to be a parent and he just isn't into doing the hard work to raise a successful human. 

simifan's picture

Remind your husband part of parenting is to make kids likeable to others. It is DH's job to let him know this type of behavior is not cute and will cost him in the future as bosses and co-workers will surely not enjoy it. It is a soical skill that seems to be lacking more and more.