NCIS Episode about Stephell
DH likes to watch NCIS....several iterations, I don't pay that close attention. Anyway, he was watching a recent episode the other day and while I only caught the last couple of minutes it seems that an adult SD planned and executed the murder of her SM because she was jealous the SM took her BD away. Of course it's highly unlikely but does anyone else ever see things like that and think "that could be me someday?"
One of the issues I have with SD5 is that getting her up and out the door is a battle every morning. Every morning is a fight with this kid over something. A popular source of contention is her clothes. She has ADHD and we discovered awhile ago that the morning goes much MUCH more smoothly if she lays out her clothes the night before, which she did last night. I did what I always do. I woke her up, turned on her bedroom light, then went to the kitchen to get her breakfast on the table. She came out wearing a zipper hoodie zipped all the way up to her chin which was an indicator to me that she was trying to hide something. I asked if she had a shirt on underneath that and she said yes. I asked if it was a tshirt and she said yes. I said "are you sure it is a tshirt and not a tank top?" She said it was a tank top. Thus started rounds 15 and 16 of the great tank top war. She pulls this shit all the time. It is January in northern Michigan. It is 7 degrees outside and we have 2 feet of snow. No, you cannot wear a tank top to school I don't care if you have a sweatshirt as well or not.
So I sent her to her room to get a different shirt and specified either a tshirt or a long sleeve shirt. She comes back out with a different tank top. I sent her straight back to her room and told her to stop acting like she didn't know what a tshirt is. She finally came back with a tshirt on but no sweatshirt so I had to send her back yet again to get the sweatshirt.
As is his habit DH texted from work asking how my morning was going and so I told him. He said he didn't know why she was doing that as she laid out a long sleeve shirt last night. I swear to you this child will be the death of me. Every single morning is spent fighting with this kid over something and it is exhausting. If it wasn't for her sensory issues I would go ahead and let her go to school in a tank top and let her freeze her little butt off one day and then maybe she would learn. Unfortunately, given one of her sensory issues is a low sensitivity to temperature something tells me it won't do much good. I talked to my mom about it today and she suggested packing up all the summer clothes and putting them away so she can't get them which is a good idea and we will do that today. My mom also said she is starting to think more and more that SD does it on purpose. Is specifically an obstinate little shit with me because she resents me coming into her life. To his credit DH does what he can with her but given that he works 60-70 hours a week every week there isn't a lot he can do. There will come a day when I tell him either SD goes on ADHD meds or he needs to start taking her to his mothers at 5 AM when he goes to work because I will not spend my life living like this.
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It's against school rules.
It's against school rules. No tank tops until it is 70 degrees out.
Technically, yes it's no tank
Technically, yes it's no tank tops until it is 70 degrees. However, when spring rolls around they relax it a bit since this far north it's not ever 70 degrees at 8 AM except for perhaps a couple of weeks in July. So if it is supposed to be 65 one day in May no one will say anything to you if you send your kid to school in shorts and a tank top. However, when it is 7 degrees in January with 2 feet of snow on the ground yeah, they will say something. I will compromise with a tshirt and a zipper hoodie or something but I'm not sending her in a tank top so I can get a phone call or a note home about it. She also knows she is allowed to wear a tshirt with a sweatshirt over it but she still tries to sneak that tank top out of the house. It's amazing. Every other time she drags her heels to the point that I'm hounding her to get a move on so we aren't late to school but when she is trying to sneak a tank top out she moves fast to get her coat and everything on before I see it. The sheer level of manipulation and deceit this child displays at 5 1/2 absolutely terrifies me.
Oooh that's a good idea. I
Oooh that's a good idea. I may try that.
That's the point, she isn't
That's the point, she isn't allowed to do as she pleases. It is just a constant battle to get her to do what she is supposed to do.
She knows she has to wear at least a tshirt and a sweatshirt this time of year but will still try and sneak out with a tank top on.
DH has to be at work at 5 AM so sure, he could get her up and fed and dressed but then I have to get up that early too to supervise her because if left to her own devices there will be marker drawings on the carpet, stickers on the walls, ink tattoo drawings on her arms, toothpaste smeared all over the sink and bathroom cabinet, poop smeared on the bathroom wall, etc. Which is why if it doesn't improve he will be taking SD to his mothers in the morning so she can deal with it.
Duplicate.
Duplicate.
Me too. All the girls' tank
Me too. All the girls' tank tops they are allowed to wear outside the house are the tank style with a higher, scoop neckline and wide straps. DD9 has a few that are spaghetti strap that my mother bought her and she is not allowed to wear those outside the house unless she is wearing something over it.
My mom and I took DD9 to Disney World shortly after she turned 7 and we went to JC Penney's to look for some summer things for her to wear since it was April and she had grown out of all her clothes from last summer. I could not believe some of the things we saw in the girls section. Booty shorts, midriff baring tops, tops that look like one would wear them salsa dancing, see through inserts. It was horrid. I wouldn't let her wear 80% of the stuff they had!!! I'm not asking for Bermuda shorts here but girls shorts should come to mid thigh. Heck, I want MY shorts to come to mid thigh. Why is this so hard to find?
I'm not trying to be snarky
I'm not trying to be snarky here I'm genuinely asking. If you let the 5 year old win the battle over tank tops in January how do you expect the 16 year old to comply when you don't allow shorts that are so short their butt cheeks are hanging out or something equally risque?
I seriously want to know. People often say oh it's not a big deal, just let them do it and I think yeah, I can't control the kid now what makes you think I will magically be able to do it when they are 16?
Ugh! I hear you here. It's
Ugh! I hear you here. It's funny actually because both girls are sooooooooooooooooo self conscious, yet they love the leggings their BM gets them. I think she's in denial that her two wittle babies are 5'7" and 140+ lbs because all of their leggings get a little see through in the back (eeeeeeeek!). Unfortunately for them both sides of their gene pool have badonkadonk.
Exactly! There's nothing
Exactly! There's nothing wrong with lady lumps, just clothe them flatteringly! When your pants look like overhead projector sheets in the rear, (as they say here in the south) somethin ain't raaaght.
Gee thanks, now I have that
Gee thanks, now I have that stupid Sir MixALot song stuck in my head.
Leggings only count as pants
Leggings only count as pants in a yoga class or in the confines of your own home. Period.
Maybe I'm just a control
Maybe I'm just a control freak. I always thought I was raised by one, perhaps I'm turning into my mother.
The kids can wear anything they want so long as it is weather appropriate (meaning no tank tops in January, I don't care if they have a sweater or not), fits reasonably well, not ripped, and is what I would deem appropriate for girls of their age (no booty shorts, no midriff baring tops, nothing see through, etc). They can express their own style in any way they choose, and let me tell you they have some tastes that make me cringe. But whatever, they can express themselves that way. But good lord how much control are we supposed to give them.
I see some of my friends from high school have kids that are picky eaters. One in particular has a 6 year old daughter who refuses to eat dinner about half the time. Now, I try not to make things I know the kids don't like. SD refuses to eat grilled cheese and DD hates pierogies and kielbasa (neither of which I get but whatever) so I generally make those on nights the one who doesn't like it isn't home. And generally speaking if they don't want to eat I have an attitude of fine, but you aren't getting anything else. But if it is to the point that your kid refuses to eat half the time does that not signal to you that you have no control over your kid?
Or the kid that is fully developmentally ready to potty train but at 3 1/2 is still not potty trained because "he just doesn't want to" or is still drinking out of a bottle because "she cries if I take it away." Why is the 3 year old making these decisions?
Now you wonder why you have a 5 year old that ignores you. You never made them listen to you as a toddler why would you expect anything different now?
I think I may be getting too bitchy for my own good.
hates pierogies and
hates pierogies and kielbasa?!?!?? what kind of a mother are you!!! jk... kinda...
great, now u've got me craving that.
i totally agree with you about certain controls at certain ages. there's no reason why a parent cannot hold a child responsible for age-appropriate activities, like potty training or drinking from a cup. to NOT do is is lazy parenting in my book.
and i totally agree with you about their self-expression w/ their clothing. the boys have some funky $#it, but dh says "whatever, u're the one seen in them." as long as they're appropriate to the school code.
i wonder tho' about OP's situation. i dont think it's the tank top. i think it's a power-struggle from a little girl who wants to push boundaries. op can remove all weather-inappropriate clothing, but the girl is gonna find something else. i really dont have any suggestions on how to handle this, as kaos does the same $#it with me. but my dh IS home, unlike OP's. it's gonna be a struggle. maybe MIL's for a few days would help OP and her dh regroup on how to handle it.
I swear if the kid didn't
I swear if the kid didn't look EXACTLY like me I would swear she was switched at birth. She hates candy and chocolate. What kid hates candy? My family owns chocolate and fudge shops (extended family anyway) and we are all self describe chocoholics and the kid won't eat candy. We potty trained her with M&M's, you know, 1 M & M for number 1, 2 for number 2, etc. After being given the treat twice she started handing them back saying she didn't want them. She has the palate of an 80 year old. She doesn't like chocolate milk, pop, popcorn, candy, hot dogs, stuff like that. But you know what she does like? Escargot. She started ordering it in restaurants at 3. The looks on the waiters faces was priceless. She loves steak, seafood, prime rib, shrimp, etc. She says she doesn't like spicy food but it's not spicy she doesn't like though I can't pin down exactly what it is. She will only eat mashed potatoes if there is horseradish in them. She eats my aunts homemade salsa and let me tell you, that stuff is NOT mild. When we ate tacos for years she would say she just wanted meat in the tortilla because the cheese was too spicy....it was shredded mild cheddar cheese, there wasn't any spice at all. All the spice was in the taco meat which she was fine with.
Someone suggested having DH get her up and ready when he gets up. At first I said that wouldn't work because then I would have to get up to supervise her but maybe that is the best solution. I have been meaning to get more exercise in, maybe I should get up early and exercise then while making sure she isn't wiling away the time by pissing on the bathroom rug again. It's worth some thought.
my bad, i didnt realize that
my bad, i didnt realize that was actually YOU who's comment i replied to!!! whoops
that's a very good idea! how long between when he leaves and the time sd leaves for school? i wonder if she can practice some schoolwork computer games during that time, yanno fun but still educational?
2 1/2 to 3 hours. He
2 1/2 to 3 hours. He normally leaves between 4:45 and 5:15 AM, I normally wake the kids up at about 6:45 to 7 and we leave at 7:40 to get to school.
Hell, we already had to ban
Hell, we already had to ban her from wearing dresses because she will constantly wrap the skirt around her hands and end up flashing everybody the skirt is hiked up so far. No matter how many times you tell her to put the skirt down she still does it. Bye bye dresses/skirts.
I remember that episode. At
I remember that episode. At the end, that little girl was creepy as h*ll. The actress did a good job. Gibbs is usually more intuitive - it took him a little longer than normal to figure out her deal. He has a soft spot for kids.
Like I said I only saw a
Like I said I only saw a couple minutes. I thought she was an adult but I must have paid even less attention than I thought.