When my husband and I were friends back when we were teenagers his mother LOVED me. We talked all the time and I even spent time at the house with her when DH wasn't home.
4 years later when his daughter was 5 months old he and I started our relationship and his mother seemed so happy that I was finally more than just a friend. Because of BM being spiteful DH and MIL didn't get to see SD for about 3 months (until she was 8 months old).
When DH finally did get visitation MIL's attitude toward me started to change. She stopped talking to me unless it was about SD, and she started acting like she was SD's mother and not her grandmother. DH didn't like that his mother was trying to take the parental role away from him so he talked to her about it. She just brushed him off and acted like she wasn't doing that.
DH and I both noticed more and more that everytime he said something about SD, MIL would do the opposite. DH didn't want SD to have another cup of chocolate milk so he asked his mom to give her water the next time she was thirsty. The next time he looked at SD she had a cup of chocolate milk.
His mom has done this constantly to DH and I. She thinks that SD should be drinking chocolate milk all day and shouldn't have to eat vegetables.
She got really mad at me this summer because I told SD that she needed to eat 3 baby carrots before she could have dessert. MIL lost it and yelled at me that I am not her mother so I can't tell her what to do. I told her that her father has requested that I take the parental role when he isn't around. MIL tried to take the carrots away from SD so I informed her that I had a whole bag of them and that she would be eatting the carrots before she was allowed to have dessert. I guess it really pissed MIL off that I stayed calm and even toned when her voice was raised and she was obviously upset. MIL finally backed off and after eatting the carrots SD got to enjoy a yummy dessert. SD spent the rest of the day asking me if she was allowed to have things insted of MIL like she usually would.
I told DH what had happened when he got home from work. I have never seen him that angry in my life. He calmed down a little and called MIL, she didn't answer the phone (she obviously knew why DH was calling) so he left her a message. He told her that what she did was absolutely unacceptable and that kind of behaviour is confusing and damaging to the kids. He told her that if she wanted to have a relationship with the kids that she had to stop undermining us as the parents. We haven't heard from her since.
She had always made it obvious that she only cared about SD and not DD. DH and I had to ask her to hold DD when she was born because MIL only wanted to spend time with SD. Well now we know for sure that she doesn't give a crap about our daughter because instead of talking to her son and working things out she choose to go to SD's mother instead. She and BM now see eachother all the time and MIL even went as far as to tell BM a bunch of lies about me which prompted BM to try to have DH's visitation with SD taken away.
What kind of mother does that? Instead of talking to her son and being able to continue to see both of her granddaughters she runs to someone she hates so she only has to see SD. I used to tell DH that no matter how upset he was she was still his mother and should still be allowed to have a relationship with the kids if she called and asked to see them. Now that I know that my daughter means absolutely nothing to her I have changed my tune. It has been almost 4 months since she has seen my daughter who is now 14 months old. She missed seeing her walking for the first time, she missed her first birthday, she has missed so many things already and she doesn't even care.
She has completely broken my heart and it has taken a while but I have realised that she doesn't deserve to have my daughter in her life. My daughter deserves to be surrounded by people who love her, not people who push her aside whenever SD is around.