DH's doubts about wether he is SD's father
After being her dad for 3.5 years my DH is starting to wonder if SD is really his. She would have been concieved mid-September of 2007 and DH's girlfriend was off at university. He said that he went up to visit her every once in a while but everytime he went there he was meeting new guy friends she had. He told me that there was a time he had to take her over to one of the guys houses because she forgot her watch there when the two of them were hanging out (I don't know about you but when I used to hang out with guy friends I never took of my jewllery unless I was over at my "friend with benefits" house). DH and I both know that when it comes to relationships BM has no morals. She started sleeping with one of our friends, who happened to be engaged to one of her friends.
Since the day SD was born DH has tried to bond with her but has never really been able to. He loves her but it is more because he feels he has to, not because he actually feels like her dad. He has told me how much love he has for our daughter and how close he feels to her, and has told me that he just doesn't feel that way about SD. He has cried to me telling me that he feels bad because SD deserves to be loved the way he loves our daughter but that he is constantly having to fake it so she doesn't know the difference.
Our daughter looks very much like my baby pictures but she has a few features that are DH's. SD looks exactly like her mother. From the time she was a baby DH and I have tried to find features that made her look like him. There isn't even one! She has her mothers hair colour, eye colour, eye shape, nose, ears, lips, body type and skin tone.
These things combined have just made DH wonder if he actually is her father. Right now he wants to have a paternity test done so that he knows for sure. I am going to support whatever decision he makes but what do you think?
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Formal blood paternity tests
Formal blood paternity tests are certainly the most accurate but you can do a cursory one that will give you a jumping off point at the drug store. If he is already the putatuive father and is paying child support then it is highly likely - depending on the laws of your state that he will be forced to continue but since they were not married and there was no "intact family" at the time of the birth it will be easier to terminate him as the putative father if that is what he chooses to do.
I may get flamed for this but if she is indeed not his child it is better to find out now so that the real father can be found and she can begin bonding with him. She is young enough now to forget your DH and transfer to another father figure. Waiting will only make this less and less possible. If he is going to do it he needs to do it soon or not at all.
I wish bf would do the legal
I wish bf would do the legal court approved test and end this nightmare, I know it's selfish of me but can't help how I feel I've tried!! Try to push him now the more u wait the less likely he is to do it bcuZ of guilt!!
Do the test. If DH is the
Do the test. If DH is the dad then never mention it and the two of you work on bonding with the little girl.
If he is not the dad .... never mention it to the little girl and the two of you work on bonding with the little girl. And..... sue the crap out of BM for fraud for the CS she extorted from your family, keep the matter in court until Dh is relieved of his CS burden for the little girl but push to retain visitation with her.
It is not her fault that BM is a skank and the little girl will need your DH, you and her little sister all the more if she is not your DHs BK. He will be her dad none the less whether he is her genetic contributor or not.
Were I in the situation that your DH is in with this I could not tolerate this BM taking advantage of my family and I by fraudulently nailing me for paternity on a kid that was not my BK without sever consequence. I would also struggle with making sure I retained contact and a parental relationship with this girl that I had accepted as mine in a state of ignorance to the facts of her conception.
We did the paternity test.
We did the paternity test. I've admitted here to being disappointed SO is, in fact, the bio-father. We did the "unofficial" test, so no one is the wiser other than SO and myself. And StepTalk. And one other friend I confided in.
I think there are plenty of compelling reasons to privately have the test done, and then go from there. No one says you need to immediately act on whatever the results are, if you even decide to do anything at all. I know from my SO how hard it is not to know for sure.