Listening at school
So ss has been having trouble listening to his teacher in school. His teacher has pulled all 3 of us aside and I guess told his dad he is out of control. He's had the occasional incidence in the past and doing as told has always been a slight issue. For the record, great kid, love him to death, we all have our struggles, up and downs. So we've been working on it. Not seeing much success yet.
So yesterday dad said no more games of any kind, or phones until he starts listening at school. He has this one video game and usually gets 45 mins a day. He said he was going to take it to moms house. CASE AND POINT!
He does not listen because she is the most important person in his life (which is wonderful) and she doesn't make him. Its always I love mommy or I want to go with mommy when he is told no or stop or is unhappy with doing anything. If thus is going to change sooner rather than later she has to get behind it. Except that her only idea to talk him to a specialist or therapist. He is 5. His speech is behind most children his age. (Again we all grow at out own time) and it's only been about 3 weeks.
3 weeks. He started late because of her. Every time she's taken him he's been late. She's been at a different hotel every time she had him in the past month.
So, what I am saying is that I think they should observe the class first before anything. His teacher said if they can't resolve it in a couple weeks he would need to see the counselor. Observe the class, try and see what's going on, put in some active work where they are on the same page with what they say and with consequences and then if he needs to see a counselor see what they say, and THEN go look for outside help. I'm sorry if I think they need to be aware of what's going on first actually PARENT a little and then after all that talk about outside options.
Maybe people don't think like me, but that's my first response is that I want to see what's going on and talk to the people and teachers at the school... Not avoid the topic with my child and bitch to his father about spending money I don't have because I don't have a job (and asked for money last weekend even though I said I would have a job by the 15th) about a specialist 'third party ' doing my job for me.
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I think that listening is a
I think that listening is a muscle that needs training and maintenance. Instead of the esoteric "no xbox at home until you start listening at school", I would work on his active listening at home and give him corrections and consequences for not listening both at home and at school.
For example, "Teacher said you weren't listening again today... so for the next two days, you will have to write a report for me after school telling me 3 important things you learned in school"
Also, make him repeat back when you ask him. Ask to explain in different words what you meant.
Telling him no xbox till he starts listening is not effective because how do you know "when" he starts or stops?
That was basically my
That was basically my approach and is what we've been doing. Listening the first time , rigorous repetition and explanations. But with no results his dad went in that direction and of course today his teacher said a huge improvement so while I agree with you, lol results are results. We'll see if it lasts.
Well, some kids need more
Well, some kids need more repetition and reinforcement than others. He may be one that needs constant refinement.
I'm glad your DH is letting you have some input.
More importantly, I would
More importantly, I would reward him when he does use his listening ears, and the teacher should too. It doesn't have to be anything more than praise and a hug or fistbump.
Ugh. Making a kid "listen"
Ugh. Making a kid "listen" its going to be alot of work, if mom aint on board i feel sorry for you.
Back away.
I have to deal with an adhd stepson, and ive tried backing off but dad ropes me back in. Its so draining...
He mixes up directions, he only hears certain things the teacher, and if NOONE is following through on him, you can forget it!!
I have one SS who regularly
I have one SS who regularly misbehaves in class and doesn't do his work. When DH tries to set expectations with him, he is undermined by BM who makes excuses, claims that his misbehavior isn't bad, or thinks it's not a big deal. When DH tries to talk to her about it, to set clear consequences for him, she tells DH he's only saying something because he wants to make her look bad.
I've given up and disengaged from education for both kids because it's just so frustrating. It's nearly impossible for me to try to convince them that they should be respectful and hardworking if they're mother doesn't care.
DH can try to use parental guilt to get them to behave and work hard, but even his comments are met with replies from them that he is just being mean and that their mother told them that the only reason DH expects them to work hard is because of me, that he only has high expectations for them because I did well in school, not because it's normal for a parent to have high expectations for their children.
"their mother told them that
:jawdrop:
"their mother told them that the only reason DH expects them to work hard is because of me, that he only has high expectations for them because I did well in school, not because it's normal for a parent to have high expectations for their children."
Your DH is AWFUL. How dare he try to make sure that they do well school so that they aren't doomed to a lifetime of "do you want fries with that?". Terrible.
I know...just the worst
I know...just the worst father ever for wanting his kids to work hard!
My favorite comments from BM are when she tells DH that he doesn't really care about how his kids do in school, he just wants to make her look like a bad mother. Yup, lady, it's really all about you.
My DH got "childhood is
My DH got "childhood is supposed to be fun." Now there are two more incompetent adults in the world who never learned the skills necessary to be productive members of society.
Be watchful... before you
Be watchful... before you know it in the next year or two SS5 will be given IEP and it may be suggested he be tested for add/adhd.
It starts out with 'he wont listen in class, SHE twirls her hair and looks out the window, HE doesn't seem to focus,,,she cant seem to sit still in class, he cant sit still during carpet time.
I see it coming.
Hang in there op...Dad can put a stop to this by telling the school to back off. Each school and district receives extra money for all ieps. The more IEP the more money.
Our oldest was the target of this crap. The teacher would send notes home about, easily distracted, looks out the window, twirls hair, is a day dreamer. Recommendation of IEP and further testing.
WE hit the fan and I told them to go pick on another divorced couple. They backed off and I included data that all kids can NOT be taught with same wide brush. I was not playing TRUE STORY.
The head of the IEP section of the school district I spoke of above was fired several years after our situation after series of parents complaints and wrong doings. It was in the newspaper. :jawdrop: SHE made you feel like a failure as parents. DONT FALL FOR THIS CRAP OP.
Kids love stickers and small rewards----GOOD behavior, movie night--icecream/popcorn. Stuff like that. IF You want to play on your tablet YOU MUST get good behavior notes from your teacher...
GOOD BEHAVIOR gives you a reward.
what doesn't work is giving full access then removing the tablet as punishment.
I already know there is a
I already know there is a strong chance of that happening. I'm on the offensive.
That was why when I heard counselor I immediately told them they needed to observe the class first. Active involvement. Hes not gonna get labeled just because. I have no doubt well get through whatever the block is. And I will not let a system, teacher, school or doctor bulldoze over him or try to medicate him just for being a child.
GOOD for you Kirby. Also DH
GOOD for you Kirby. Also DH should observe the class as well.
I am sorry your home is going thru this. It is sooooooooooo stressful.
My dh sat in Jr High class room last year and HE was shocked at what he observed. WORSE than what our kid told us. DH marched straight to the Principle's office AND reported to the Superintendent too. Granted there is a huge difference between kindergartener and Jr High school age kid being able to communicate what is going on in class.
On the other hand if a child is spitting, turning over chairs, fighting, biting other kids/teachers, disruption of the class.. I have no doubt the teachers would tell you that too and swift changes must be made.
Someone from the family must get in that class.
Keep us posted.
The day I write this of
The day I write this of course his teacher tells me when I pick him up great improvement. Wonderful and shakes ss' s hand. So cute. Which was last Thursday and mom got him Friday so since I both work weekends and do my own personal cleanse / minor disengagement when we don't have him that is my last impression . Plus we went from 50/50 time to mon-fri and one weekend a month so I'm still trying to adjust. But I think a huge key is DH sitting down and reiterating this is not ok. This is why. This what will happen if you continue. And doing it every time there's a problem. We are all learning but I love it when we all come together and something pans out. Like when I'm saying this and he says that and we realize if we combine our efforts it might work. Maybe. Come Monday it may still be an issue, but it was nice seeing the family thing happen since it's still so new.