I've been with my husband for 9 years.  2 years married.  Biomom to one son who is 18 and away at college.  My husband has two kids, daughter 12 and son 14.  On my memories on facebook I'm seeing the big halloween party we let the kids have in 2017.  All the kids, all their friends (my husband has another daughter who is now 18 but stopped coming around almost two years ago....she was doing things she shouldn't and had rules in our house).  We had 28 kids in our house for that party.  I planned it, deocrated it while kids were at school. I did fun food. Nerf gun wars.  Wii Dance. They had a blast.  My son thanked me.  His kids did nothing.  Now here we are in 2021.  It's been eight months since I've disengaged.  His son lived with us full time for the past two years.  He still saw his mom but there was abuse by her husband.  Went through court.  Eventually his younger daughter starts staying with us full time because her mom said she was causing problems at their house by acting out, screaming at everyone, etc.  (She doesn't do that at or house). I was a parent to both his son and daughter.  Recently his son ran away from his mothers house after he didn't get his way, and we went and got him as he was walking down a highway and wouldn't get in the car with his mother or even speak.  Not much punishment but three weeks of no gaming.  Since that happened in May his son told me he's afraid to be alone with me.  The same crap he said about his stepdad.  I'm giving him zero opportunity to say I did anything because everything he is saying and doing is the same stuff he told us about his stepdad.  He's a manipulator like his mother.  My husbands daughter is just awkward.  I get her the clothes I know she wants.  Take her to get her nails that I know she wants to do but then rips off the gel polish that evening.  Sneaks food that she's allowed to have (which my husband won't address).  She she doesn't like something that I ask about but then wanted it from her mom.  I was the one who talked to her about periods.  But they really would just rather I not do anything.  My husband really just thought I would be mom and do all the mom duties that he assumes isn't dad duties.  Doctors appointments. Medicine refills.  Clothes.  Not me.  Not anymore.  A lot of this was their mom telling them for years that I'm not their mom.  Blah blah blah.  Duh.  I know I'm not.  But I can care for them when they're with us.  DONE.  The kids now have zero guidance.  Who cares if they lie?  Who cares if they write on their furniture?  Who cares if we know what kids they're hanging out with?  I've disengaged but I'm still frustrated.  His daughter has been out of allergy meds that she claims she is taking (she's been out for at least a week) that he keeps saying he will pick up at the store.  I finally picked it up today because if she gets cold like symptoms (which she has) she will have to stay home from school, and since I now work at home most of the time I'll be the one at home with her.  It just didn't have to be like this. Why would you not want to guide and parent your kids to make good decisions?  Seriously blows my mind.  But my kid is basically moved out.  I'm like semi parent retired.  His college is close enough that I go up for a few hours, have dinner and come back home.  I'm not tied down to a kid schedule or a school schedule.  I only offered my services two to three days a week to get his kids to school.  He's on his own.  I love my husband.  He's a great husband.  I just don't feel like it's this hard.