I don't know if punishment is the answer. You found a page in her journal that wasn't meant for your eyes and kids will often use terms such as hate that they don't truly mean. When my bs was 10, I told him he couldn't go to a friend's house (I'd learned the parents did drugs) and he told me he hated me. I answered by telling him I love him and that my job as his mom is to keep him safe. That stopped him in his tracks. He considered this and slowly walked away. I think it made him feel good to know that I was doing "mean" things BECAUSE I love him and need to take care of him.

There were a few other occasions he told me he hated me and I always answered in a similar way. I also told him that we don't use the word hate in our house. I'd answer, "Well, I love you and we don't use the word hate in our family because we care about each other." This did not become a regular thing and I think our talks really helped.

Try not to take it too personally because biological children will use the word hate also and we have to teach them how we treat others.

I don't think that she should be punished. We have told both SDs that they can write whatever they want in their journals because it is a great outlet for them. She wrote you are a bitch, so what, ALL kids call their parents names at one time or another. I think its great that she wrote it down instead of calling you names to your face, it shows she does have respect for you.

I can understand that you feel hurt, most of us would, but take it for what it was .. a kid venting in their journal. It doesn't change all the good stuff.

her anger needs to be expressed.I used to write terrible things about my mother when i was that age and a teen as well.these are her private thoughts and you should allow her to express it in journaling.Think about it,if she's angry would you rather have her take it out on the pages of her journal or would you rather have her acting her anger out in life??hitting,kicking,cursing,etc.I think what she's doing is healthy.if you punish her for this i think you're making a mistake.

Agree with Asher and Violet and others...not unusual to happen-even with a bio kid-and not only girls. I think it's a way to have an outlet to their feelings and it's not intended for us to find-if we do than WE need to deal w/our feelings about it.

Kids will say/think things in anger just as adults do-and if she isn't saying this to you that means she is respecting you already.

My boys have been allowed to go into their room and write their feeligns down or tear up paper if they're mad-most of the time they hide those letters for an hour and then go throw them away and ask me not to read them-only a couple times I found one they forgot about and felt like you did...but I realized that't their outlet-I did the same in my journal about my mom and dad also. It's hard to swallow as a parent but not unusual and not unhealthy either.

This summer my dh found a journal page from dd13-he has been her stepfather since age 2-her bio dad is deceased since age 1. In it, she was essentially complaining about him, his rules, how she was staying in her room to avoid him, and essentially made a comment about how he is only her stepfather or something and how she wishes her real dad was alive and things would be better. He was beyond hurt-he is the only father she has known-her bio dad was hooked on alcohol and pain pills and her life defintiely would not have been better if he was still alive.

I know that he talked to her about it-dont really know what he said. But they both seemed ok with it. I did talk to her a later and said I understood that it was not meant for anybody's eyes, but that I was still surprised that she even momentarily thought of dh as her "stepfather". She told me she was just mad and consequently no longer writes in a journal.

On the flip side, my dd9-last year or the year before I dont remember was mad at me for some minor thing and wrote in her journal how mean and FAT I was and that I couldnt even lose 5 lbs in 30 years if I tried. My oldest dd found it and showed it to me-I told her to put it back up and I never mentioned it to her, my dd tried to bring it up once and little dd looked panicked and cut her off. I acutally felt bad for her! It's ok anyway, I showed her-I lost 13 lbs this month alone!!!!

My SDs 13,10,8 they keep journals. I can say my SD '13' writes mean things about me all the time in there. But we don't put her in trouble cus she is not saying it to us she is writing in her personal journal. I know it hurts to read this kind of stuff but all children have said I hate you to there parents once or twice. Just be glad she is writing her feelings out instead of holding them in and getting more angry. good luck and don't take it to heart.

I have to admit that about that age my dd said the same thing to me. I said good that means I'm doing my job. most kids that age will say that at one point however your sdd said that on paper and threw it out never intending on you seeing it. she was not tring to hurt you. she was upset about some thing you wouldn't let her or some thing you punished her for. I would view it as a compliment and go on. like I am doing my job as a mom and she sees me as mom. yay

not trying to downplay the hurt that your SD's statement caused here BUT if I had a dime for every time I told my step dad (to his face even) that I hated him, I'd be sitting pretty on a beach somewhere sipping margaritas for the rest of my life. I didn't truly hate him, it was just my tween/teen hormones getting the best of me.

I have found many similar notes in my SD17's room - "I hate Paul," "I wish mom would leave Paul," etc. I honestly could give a shit. It sounds like you are upset, which is reasonable, but don't stress over it too much. You are "only" a step-mom to her, but it goes both ways - she is "only" a step-kid to you. If you show that you don't care, you regain control of the situation. Don't empower her by caring too much.