Disengaged even more this weekend!
Hahaha, I've really just had enough. Previously, every other weekend that my SO has the kids, we would still plan to spend evenings together and mostly sit home on Friday and Saturday nights. We may switch houses were he comes to mine or I go to his, but we never plan outings, dinners, going out for drinks, etc. because the kids just HAVE to have a sleepover EVERY SINGLE FUCKING WEEKEND! When I was a kid, I was lucky to have a sleepover with friends maybe once a month? Skids and SO thinks of them as rights and not priveleges.
Anyway, no more! I've put my foot down and if he wants to sit home and babysit, I'm not going to be. Life is way too short to not enjoy it and especially at this time of year with the nice weather, no way in hell am I going to stay cooped up inside doing nothing because his kids are there. I went out last night with friends, didn't invite SO and had a great time..showing up later to his place only when I felt like it. SO was moody all night and had an attitude until he got over himself about 10 minutes before I got ready to leave.
OH WELL! Maybe you'll eventually realize that the world does not revolve around your kids and that your GF isn't going to be around to waste time and do nothing because you'd rather be a friend to the kids instead of a parent. This is just the FIRST of many, many weekends that will be like this as I'm not going to take it anymore.
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Hahahaa, I love this!!!!!
Hahahaa, I love this!!!!! Thanks for the suggestion!! }:)
... I did things like this,
... I did things like this, too - a lot... and half the time I sat home alone
but it definitely worked.
GOOD FOR YOU! My first summer
GOOD FOR YOU! My first summer with SO and the skids was a complete disaster nightmare. Then I did exactly what you just did... and a lot. This one weekend/night isn't going to seal it, believe me... Keep doing what you're doing. It could go either way in the long run, but if he continues to be an asshat over this, then keep on running in the other direction. If not, you'll be stronger together...
Good luck!
The kids are there every
The kids are there every other weekend, plus every day that they have off school, spring break week, multiple weeks during the summer and multiple weeks during the holidays. They want to have a sleepover with friends and he gives in every weekend they are there (sometimes both Friday and Saturday) and sometimes during the week as well on holidays if the friends are available.
The kids are old enough to stay home by themselves for a while (11 and 12 1/2) if we went to dinner, out for drinks with friends, etc., but unless there is something specific that we need to attend, he doesn't want to go out and I refuse to sit home every other Friday and Saturday because he'd rather allow them to do what they want than be a parent and tell them what they are going to do.
I would agree that's a little
I would agree that's a little young to be left alone...
But ya know what? They're not
But ya know what? They're not mine, I have no say in what they do, how they are treated, raised, etc so I'm not going to sacrifice ANY weekend for them....hence disengaging.
If SO decides to include me maybe things will change but he has made no compromises in 5 years so I'm done compromising my time.
That's fine as your opinion
That's fine as your opinion and I can respect that, but I also don't agree with putting kids first in allowing them to do what they want and then the parent revolving their decisions around them.
Sounds like it is not working
Sounds like it is not working for you. Your SO is being a parent. If this is something you do not want in your life, I would find a man with no kids. No harm in wanting a different life for yourself.
But, in no way is SO doing anything wrong in this situation.
I fully agree with HRNCY
I fully agree with HRNCY
Like most of us, we already
Like most of us, we already know the right answers by the time we post... So with the sugar dripping, make it clear that you're not interested in this 'life'. This situation will not get better as they get older, like many of us had originally thought. It will get worse unless you put your foot down and make your position clear. He'll either bend over backwards trying to strike a balance that works for YOU, or he won't. Better to know now.
Also just for reference I
Also just for reference I have a daughter that is 21. She's got a job, goes to school and pays her own bills. I think I know what I'm talking about when it comes to raising kids. Every parent is different but just to exclude me 100% of the time doesn't fly with me and hence my justification for doing what I want.
It's actually about 50% of
It's actually about 50% of the time that he has them but when I said 100% excluding me it was not a reference to 100% of time period, it meant 100% of the time that they are with him. As in no say about anything (excluding me 100%).
That's exactly what I'm doing
That's exactly what I'm doing and the topic of this thread.
SO got an attitude that I went out without him last night but tough bunnies.
Good. Keep on doing it.
Good. Keep on doing it.
This approach worked for me, but maybe that's because I wasn't really kidding. I was one foot out of the relationship, and made the decision that the relationship was not worth "all that". SO readjusted his life's priorities, and now I'm the highest of those priorities. Things have been much, much better, and the communication between us is 100000% better now.
Exactly. Choose - stay in
Exactly.
Choose - stay in your ex life, with all its drama - or invest in your NEW life, which has boundaries.