DH Thinks there's a Double Standard
But it's HIS!
Apparently, DH thinks it is perfectly acceptable for SS13 to call HIM to ask if his friend can come over after school when he is on his way to the house with a friend and I am the one at home.
Back Story:
We've been trying to give the kids a bit more responsibility and priveleges. We let all 4 kids walk home from school on Wednesday. This was a first for my three kids. (I followed them without them knowing because they have to cross three busy streets).
Yesterday, SS got to walk home alone with a friend because my three bios went to their dad's. I'm home alone with baby, boob out breastfeeding, still haven't showered all day, the house is a mess because baby wouldn't let me put her down all day. I have bags of donation clothing that I am planning on bringing to my mom's for my uncle who is on a mission trip.
I get the following texts from DH: SS wants to have his friend over. They will be there in a minute.
I text back, "well, I'm about to leave." "please handle this"
I'm pissed that DH thinks its OK to TELL me that SS is having a friend over and that I should accomjodate him. I like to plan - especially when people are coming to my home.
DH is pissed at me and texts me a "WTF?"
SS arrives and he asks if his friend can come over while his friend is at the door. I tell them that I'm sorry but I'm about to leave and maybe we can plan for a day next week. I ask SS to walk his friend out. I make SS a quick snack, he asks to hold the baby, I load the car and take off.
DH has called a few times during this time and he calls again while Im in the car. He tells me just let them play video games and he'll be home in 20 minutes. I tell him it's already handled and that the friend has gone home. DH is pissed. I tell him SS is fine and why is he so upset.
He goes off and says he wants SS to have friends and that I have a double standard because my kids have friends over.
OH HELL NO!
Double Stnadard? How about I am the one that ASKS YOU EVERY TIME if it's ok when my children ask to invite someone over or go somewhere. Out of respect as it effects him. Does it even cross his mind?
Or how about we have a rule that we ask in advance?
Or how about we dont' have kids over our house without supervision?
DH just says, "well I want him to have friends". That's fine DH, but we don't break all our house rules to make this happen. And BTW, I want him to have friends too. And I could go on and on.
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Comments
Thanks. I was a little
Thanks. I was a little surprised by the first response.
I know I said "ask" but it's
I know I said "ask" but it's really more a matter of running it by him. I like to make sure he doesn't have something planned.
We also had dinner plans with friends at 5. This conversation took place around 4 pm.
I don't think it's ridiculous at all.
Regarding the kids walking home, SS13 used to walk home in his previous city but it was a very safe community. Where we live now is much busier and my children have always attended after care at school. There were also issues previosly with BM showing up unannounced and taking SS from his previous school just to stick it to DH, causing the entire family alarm and scaring ss to the point where he was scared to go to school because he didn't want to be put in that position.
This is the first year we are letting them walk.
My parents would have tanned
My parents would have tanned my hide for such behavior. If I wanted a friend to come over, I had to ask without the friend there. If it didn't interfere with plans, it was allowed. Your man is being a total ass.
This! I was NEVER allowed to
This! I was NEVER allowed to ask if friend was there. I think I learned that rule by about second grade!
Me too. I remember getting
Me too. I remember getting reamed for it in 1st grade.
The way I see it: 1. SS
The way I see it:
1. SS should have text YOU not DH, before he set off with his friend. It's rude to act like DH is the permission giver when he's not home
2. Struggling with the demands of a baby warrants asking all the children to be considerate where possible and try to give you a days notice if they want people over. I vividly remember those 'can't put the baby down' days and the last thing you want is a visitor rolling up at 5 minutes notice. You were entirely reasonable asking the friend to come back another time
3. DH sounds paranoid about his son having friends, maybe he needs reassurance that SS's social life is just fine and you will be only to happy to have his friends over if he could ask YOU and give you more than 5 minutes notice
Agree with all three points.
Agree with all three points. I had to remind dh that just this past weekend I waited in the school parking lot to speak with ss's friend's mother to make sure it was ok for SS to go over her house as the boys said. I also called two other moms that same weekend to invite their boys over. I also allowed and encouraged SS to go sleepover at MY children's friends home when all three of my kids were invited and the mom invited him as well (even though it was dd12's "friend" and bs9&10, "friend", they all go to the same small private school and the kids play with different age groups).
It's just another case of dh dropping everything to cater to ss's desire of the moment rather than parenting him.
Interesting and I must be
Interesting and I must be cruel. If I were home, house was a mess for whatever reason which is unlike me, and in walks my kid or my Skid asking if his friend can come over, I'd be excited for the extra set of hands to do house cleaning. I was taught to ask the adult who is home if I may have a friend over before they actually came over.
My mom has put my friends and I to work when I have done that and I learned to ask before hand. In your situation, your DH gave permission and he wasn't the one who was home, feeling dirty, dealing with a messy house, and now he added company to your mess. Its now time for SS to hold the baby so you can take a shower, then they can do just a couple of projects around the house, then they can be granted permission to go play their video games or whatever. Win win for all and you didn't go against your DH already given permission.
This is totally something I
This is totally something I could see myself doing. I like to have fun with the kids to help them "learn". This would definitely help them to remember to think twice.
And don't get me wrong. Even
And don't get me wrong. Even though SS asked dh instead if me (since he claims not to know my number) all could have been avoided if:
1) dh told SS to ask me since I wa the one at home
Or
2) dh ASKED me instead of telling me I have two 13 year old boys showing up in 5 minutes