What a cluster-f*ck of a weekend! I’ve been telling DH for years that this would happen, but he never listened. Everything came to a head this weekend and he now has to decide how much he’s willing to deal with a child who is being PAS’d out. I know many of you deal with this, so it’s not a new story.
This weekend was SD(now 13)’s birthday. It’s the first time since BM’s and DH’s divorce that it fell on his weekend. We had a bunch of things planned for Saturday. Friday, around 3pm (pickup is at 6), BM calls and tells us that SD13 has a BBQ to go to for her basketball team. (Love the “timely notice” she is supposed to give per the CO) DH tells her no, it’s too late. He’s not making 2 1-hour round trips within a 2 ½ hour period. Well, the back and forth starts with SD13 calling and crying that she only decided that day that she wants to go and it’s “so important” and that her dad needs to stop being so difficult (parroting BM much?). He finally says that if BM will meet him halfway, he’ll say ok to her going for an hour and a half. BM says fine, but they need to meet at such-and-such (further for him). He says no, if she doesn’t agree to a certain spot (half-way for both), SD can’t go. She says she’ll think about it and call him back. He said he needed to know within 20 minutes before he came to pick up SD15. She agreed.
We go to get them and lo and behold, she had already left to take SD13 to the BBQ and left SD15 home alone to get picked up. So now, we don’t know what is going on and SD15 won’t say squat about what is going on or where the BBQ is or how long they knew about it. We go home and 2 hours later, we get a call from SD13 (BM refuses to talk on the phone) saying they are at such-and-such location (the further one) and he needs to come get her (this conversation also included her talking down to him like a child). He leaves, pissed at the whole situation (which I told him would happen if he even gave in an inch on this situation) and mumbles that she is losing her phone over this. I told him not to take it until he got her back home. Does he listen? Nope. Demanded her phone as soon as she got in the car. Well, she promptly got out and got in her mother’s car and they left. He calls SD13 and tries to talk, but she keeps saying she doesn’t want to come for visitation and that it’s “her choice to make”. BM takes the phone and tells him to stop bothering SD. She gives the phone back to SD, but SD thought she hung it up. DH heard BM tell SD that it wasn’t’ her fault, it was her father’s fault all of this happened. PAS much? On the upside, he has all this recorded for court. He comes home, is pissy all night and I get to deal with it.
Next day, we had reservations for an activity that we couldn’t cancel. He calls SD13 in the morning, but she doesn’t answer. He calls BM who refuses to wake up SD to talk to her father. She keeps telling us to just move the plans until after a play date that SD suddenly had that day. He tells her that’s not possible and that we are going ahead with the plans without SD. The rest of the day includes calls from SD crying that she is missing out on the fun and that it’s her father’s fault (?). Whatever. SD15 and I had fun. Then come the guilt calls from BM about how this is the “first time the girls have been apart on a birthday”. SD13 even texted her father about how “you make choices in life and sometimes you have to pay the price” regarding the fact that he isn’t getting to see her on her birthday. Now, knowing the maturity of this child who was sobbing under her bed less than a year ago because she was asked to do chores for family coming to visit, I can tell you BM is putting all this in her head. He finally told BM that if she called again that day, he would consider it harassment and file charges. She finally stopped.
Yesterday was the last straw. She called SD15 and told her that they were going go-karting and she wanted to pick her up early. SD13 told DH that they would pick her up around 6pm, but the next thing we know, BM shows up at 2pm and SD15 goes with her. DH wasn’t happy, but he finally realized what I had been telling him about the “who’s house is more fun” game that BM was playing for a couple of years and the power he had given up to the SDs by allowing them to choose to visit or not. At this point, he was still mad about the way SD13 had been berating him on the phone (that he pays for) and went out to BM’s car and told her to give him her phone. She said no (with BM smirking the whole time). He told her she could lose it for a week or for good. She still refused. At that point, he said I love you, but you need to learn.
After they left, he suspended the service on her phone. (Yay DH. :O You finally did at least ONE thing I’d been telling you to do for 6 months since she started with this attitude). He figures we won’t see her for a while, and I’m afraid he’s right. He claims he’s calling his lawyer today, but he’s said that many times and never followed through. I’m trying to decide if I really care at this point…